Behind closed doors

Chapter 8

Liv's pov
Everything was fine these last couple of day's after my birthday party, except for today I'm really not doing okay right now my stupid depression is making everything worse than before I just wish I could get out of my fucking head but I can't.

I decided to go for a walk this morning at a trail in this park while Jenna was sleep, I was to busy fighting my thoughts and now I'm lost I looked around to see if I can retract my steps but I can't and I don't see any signs either. As I'm looking around I start to feel my breathing get heavier I hurried up and picked up my phone to call Jenna but the call failed, "fuck this can't be happening right now" I said to myself , i went to my text messages and started texting her hoping she will get them.

Text messages

Liv❤️🧸
I'm lost in a trail at this park and my breathing is getting heavier I think I'm gonna have a anxiety attack and I need you to find me fast. I can't call because I burly have any signal just please get here fast baby.

Jenna💛😘
I'm in the car now, just breath slowly okay, I have your location just keep texting me so I know that you're okay babe.
Delivered

Baby?
Delivered

Baby answer me
Delivered

I'm here now baby.
Delivered

End of message
(Still Liv's pov)

My anxiety attack started getting worse after I texted Jenna I dropped my phone on the ground and fell to my knees, what if she didn't get them, i started crying more and shaking, I laid up against a tree and stared at the sky and started taking deep breaths but it's not helping, I grabbed my phone to see that Jenna texted me, I tried to text her back but it said message failed.

I didn't realize I was near a wasp nest until one stung me on my hand I screamed so loud from the pain I felt when it stung me.

Jenna's pov
I called Katie to come help me find her because this trail is big as fuck, while I was on the phone with her I heard a loud scream I instantly went into panic mode and took off running towards the scream that sounded like Liv, "baby please be okay" is all I kept repeating to myself I told Katie to get here fast then I hung the phone up.

I took some pack of confetti that we had left over from Liv's birthday party with me and I put some on the ground so I won't get lost, i started yelling out Liv's name over and over again I didn't hear anything I kept running and dropping confetti until I stopped and called out for her again and I heard her yell back, I took off running again while dropping more confetti and I found her laying up against a tree.

"I'm here baby I'm here" I said as I sat beside her.

"I got stung by a wasp" Liv said in a low tone.

I looked at her hand to see a big red spot on it, "come on let's get you home so I can clean it" I said as I wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up.

"It was kind of a good thing the wasp did sting me cause it distracted me from the anxiety attack I was having" Liv said

"How did you get this far anyways babe" I asked

"I wanted to clear my head but clearly that didn't work" Liv said.

"You could've woke me up so we could walk together I wouldn't of minded it and you know you can talk to me about anything right" I said

"You look like you was sleeping good and I didn't wanna ruin it and yes I know I'm just not really good at sharing my thoughts and feelings because I don't want people to look at me different or weird" Liv said.

"I'm you're girlfriend babe, I'll be here to listen to anything you talk about and I'll be damn if I look at you differently or weird after that" I said.

"We can talk about it once we're at home" Liv said.

"You promise and you don't have to if you don't want to" I said

"Yes I promise and I want too" Liv said

We looked at each other and I gave her a slight smile before I turned my head back to see Katie running towards us.

"I'm sorry the traffic was out of this world then I had to follow the trail of confetti you left, Liv you okay" Katie said.

"I'm fine" Liv said

"Can you pick a smaller place next time I haven't ran this much in a while, especially at a big ass trail like this" Katie Joked

"Yeah sure" Liv Joked

"Liv you're lucky to have a girlfriend like Jenna, she will literally shut the world off for you if she could" Katie said

"I really would though" I said as I grabbed Liv's unhurt hand and kissed it.

"Thank you" Liv said with a smile
____

After listening to Katie joke around with Liv we finally made it to the car me and Liv said our goodbyes to Katie then we drove off , the ride home was pretty silent.

We got home i cleaned Liv's wound up, she wanted to take a shower so I decided that I'm going to order some food and gets some snacks from our pantry so we can watch some movies.

After the food got here I set everything up in the living room and grabbed some blankets then I sat down and scrolled on my phone until Liv came down.

"What's going on baby" Liv said

"I want us to have a movie night together so I ordered us food and everything here come sit" I said as I patted the couch.

____

As we are watching the 3rd movie I noticed Liv not watching it, she's just staring off to a distance so I paused the movie.

"Babe you okay" I asked

"I'm fine" she said as she avoided eye contact with me.

"Here let's talk" I said as I grabbed her and laid her head on my lap

"It's just I've been dealing with depression since I was younger but now it's getting worse to the point I get these thoughts that makes me want to end my life and I'm scared that one day I'll end up doing it, that's why I took that pill I thought it would kill me and that's what I wanted at that moment I wanted to be dead" Liv said

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and I can feel the tear leaving hers and landing on my thigh's.

"That's why I do stuff that'll distract me from my thoughts like drinking and um s-smoking, I smoke cigarettes and sometimes weed but not that much as I do with cigarettes" Liv said

"I know baby, I could  smell the cigarettes smell on you when you got back into the bed the other night but I didn't want to bring it up to you because I didn't wanna start an argument but now that I know why you do it I understand it more and let's talk about suicide just remember that it's final once you do it that's it everything you want gone is gonna be gone and the biggest most important thing that's gonna be gone is your life, I understand that you want the pain and scary thoughts gone but you're life will go with it, just think about that when those thoughts come back into your head, and please don't hold anything back from me okay if you need me I'm gonna be here no matter what , I love you baby okay" I said as i started crying some more

"I love you too" Liv said as she sat up and gave me a hug as tight as a rubber band.