The Bet | Gay BxB |

36. Pain

Why me...?

I hated him so much... I fucking hated him for lying to me this whole time. For ruining everything. I hated him so much I didn't want to see or hear from him ever again. I wanted him out of my life for good...!

But when that thought emerged, it left me gasping for air, and I saw him lying in my arms, looking up at me with a warm smile on his face and eyes sparkling at me... I saw him standing behind me in the mirror, hugging me, resting his chin on my shoulder, saying I was beautiful, handsome, hot. I saw him standing alone in the hallway at school, or outside behind the corner, looking lost and scared as he tried to breathe, his mind spiraling, but when he looked up and saw me, there was relief in his eyes. I saw him kissing my scars, calling my ugly marks interesting patterns. I saw him kissing me. I saw him making love to me.

I saw him standing in the rain, completely broken, and begging for my forgiveness.

Did I really want him out of my life for good? Was I really okay with losing him and everything we had? Everything we could still have?

But how could I forgive him...?

Later that day, as I was still in bed, I heard a car outside through the open window. I stopped breathing when the car stopped next to our house. The engine didn't turn off.

I knew that car so well by now... Hearing the strong engine had always brought so much joy whenever I'd heard it. But now I couldn't breathe. I knew it was a green Porsche. It only stood there for what felt like an eternity, while I waited, staying immobile.

Go away...

But no, the engine finally fell silent. Again, I waited, listening carefully. I heard the door being opened, and slowly, it was closed again. He was hesitating.

Nic...

He was just outside. I could almost feel him watching the house. What did he want? Why wasn't he leaving me alone? He knew I didn't want to see him, maybe ever again. He was only making things worse for me by trying to come see me. To beg for me to forgive him again? I'd heard his excuses already... His lies...

I heard his footsteps coming closer. They were slow and almost too quiet to be heard. My heart raced faster the closer he got. I could tell when he climbed on our porch and stopped behind our door. I held my breath...

The doorbell rang.

Pop went to open it.

"Why are you here?" Pop asked, his voice harsh. "You know you're not welcome here."

"Please... Let me talk to him... I need him to know that I'm sorry," Nic replied, his voice quiet, broken, and... scared... "I just want to see him..."

Hearing his voice broke me again. Was I really never going to hear that voice again...?

"The answer is no. You should leave now," Pop told him.

"Please! I just need to–"

"Leave. Now," Pop said, and slammed the door shut.

But Nic didn't leave... I didn't hear him walk away. And I...

I couldn't stop myself...

I got up and made my way to the window. I stopped when I saw Nic. He was crying as he stared at the door. His breaths were painful gasps... There was so much pain in him... He was holding something in his hands, but I couldn't see what it was from this angle. He looked down at it, still gasping, still trying to keep himself together.

He was breaking apart...

Nic...

He backed away from the door, taking two, three steps, then turned to face me like he'd felt me watching him. Our eyes met. Seeing me there broke something more in him. He gasped harder, more tears coming down on his gorgeous face...