My Sinner ✓

Chapter-49| 𝕭𝖆𝖓𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚

“Ayaan—”

“Namrata, I still remember the way you pushed me away years ago claiming that only Sirish should love you and kiss you. Yes, you were innocent and you had no idea about the things between the couple but you weren't true then!” he chuckles looking away, “You still push me away—”

“I am not comfortable—”

“With Sirish?”

I look at him with tears and take a deep breath, “I am not comfortable with intimacy, Ayaan,” a tear rolls down my cheek and I fidget with my fingers, “I don't want anything more than Devarsh’s happiness. I failed as a mother. I thought I could do the roles of both parents like my father but I failed. Dev started seeking for father's love and I had to give it to him. It doesn't mean that I am comfortable with Sirish. It's no mere torture to look at him every second as my father's murderer rather than the groom my father chose for me. Don't be scared that I will fly back into my husband’s arms.”

“My?” he chuckles, “Namrata, if you ever know that Sirish wasn't a murderer and the husband who didn't cheat on you, will you love him again?”

That question puts my thoughts on a period to my current life as I jump back into the life I had with Sirish. I haven't thought of it ever. Sirish is a murderer. I have seen it in the video. There is no maybe. He is.

Sirish's warm gaze. His care. His efforts. His promises. His smile. The constellation in his eyes. Everything plays in front of me for a second and without my grant, a tear rolls down my cheek.

Ayaan smiles sadly and wipes my tears. “I was selfish that's why I have never asked this because I anticipated this silence that is more disastrous than the silence before a storm. But now, my selfishness is for your happiness and a life you could live again like you had when your father was with you, so, I asked you, Namrata.”

“Can you do me a last favour?” I mumble.

“Yes.”

“I just need time to sort everything. I need to talk to Sirish. I will tell you my decision soon but please, I just need some time so that I won't hurt either of you. Postpone the engagement and wedding. Please, Ayaan.”

He presses his lips in a thin line and smiles at me, “Talk to Sirish about everything. Until then, I won't disturb you.” He blinks the moisture in his eyes and heaves out.

The car comes to a halt and I look out of the window only to witness the beautiful sight my eyes craved for four years.

Sirish is on the balcony floor while Dev is sitting on his father's stomach playing with him. A genuine smile after a series of long painful chapters dangles on my lips.

“They look good,” Ayaan mutters, “I was sorry for my earlier talks. I may not be the same without you but I will live without you, Namrata. With your memories. I am giving you time again. I know I kept pressurizing you for years now to love me back but I can't do this anymore. I want your love as an instinct. Please, get on a decision where you see me as your lover but not as the guy to whom you feel you are liable because, Namrata, you were never.”

Grabbing my bag, I get onto my feet and walk to the stairs. My son’s laughs are echoing in the building and the pain the truth hidden by my husband caused is making my head heavy.

I go to the flat slowly only to be wrapped by the tiny arms of Dev and Annie. “Ma/Mami,” they both squeal. I giggle at them and kiss their heads.

As I am about to lift them, Sirish comes over and stops me. “You seem tired. Go and take some rest. I will make some snacks for them as well as for you,” he says with a smile and takes the bag from me. “Annie, take Dev with you. I will join you both.”