Insomnia

Scars Heal Slowly but Surely

Pickle woke up with a start as he immediately sat up. Trying to process what the heck had happened to him, he scanned the slightly unfamiliar area around him. The room he was in was clean and white. Curtains slightly open as a small breeze would slip past them, touching Pickle's face softly. The bed he as in was different than the ones in the hotel, with a slight mint color to them and lacking the smell of citrus. Then it started to hit Pickle that this was possibly a hospital bed based off the night gown he was in and the hospital equipment attached to his arm. The subtle beeping of the monitors echoed in the empty room.

"Uhhhh...."

Suddenly the door to his room opened as Pickle nearly jumped out of his bed. OJ came in with a small basket of fruits that had a little card coming out of it. He looked immensely stressed and didn't even notice the fact that Pickle was staring right at him as he placed the basket on the table. He rubbed his tired eyes and was about to leave until Pickle piped up.

"Hey ginger, am I invisible to you or something?"

The ginger boy nearly slipped out of shock as he stammered, "What the fu- oh Pickle! You're awake!"

Pickle laughed as OJ tried to compose himself, "Yeah I am! So uhhh..." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as OJ sat down in the nearest chair to the bed, "How long was I out for?"

"Just for the night. Everyone was worried about you." OJ said softly, fiddling with his fingers nervously, "Salt came running to me that you looked like you came out of a slasher movie and screamed at Trophy. Knowing you, I knew something was wrong. You're not the type to yell at someone for no reason."

"To be totally fair, Trophy is very close to being yelled at by everyone but I see your point!" Pickle tried to joke with OJ, to get the nervousness out of him. OJ smiled slightly but still seemed upset. Well, can't really blame him in this situation.

An awkward silence started. Something Pickle didn't do well in so he struggled to find something to say but it was hard. He was about to joke with OJ again but he spoke first.

"Microphone told me what happened."

Well that's extra awkward.

Pickle had never told OJ or anyone in the hotel his inner turmoil about Taco. They would of definitely comforted him with open arms but Pickle was just, ashamed that he was feeling this way. Everyone else seemed to move on from Taco except him. He didn't want them to be dragged into his "woe is me" self hatred when they're all trying to live their happy lives. They don't deserve that at all. Pickle steeled himself for a lecture from OJ about his feelings as OJ inhaled deeply.

"I knew you were upset about Taco still. I never asked you about her because I didn't want to bring back, unnecessary memories, about her." Pickle saw OJ's knuckles turn white as he clasped his hands together. "Maybe on those nights we spent talking about nothing but stupid stuff, I should of asked you about how you felt. And maybe things could of been resolved. Or maybe things wouldn't have to end up with you almost dying from blood loss..."

Pickle felt blood drain from his face. The fact that he was so close to knocking on death's doorstep was, quite scary. But he couldn't imagine how much worry and pain he must of inflicted on everyone. He felt shame coursing through his veins as OJ continued softly.

"When everyone watched you leave on that ambulance, Paper, Bomb, Salt, Pepper and I were so scared that we were going to lose someone else. We lost Bow, intend to lose you as well." OJ steeled himself again as he continued, "We're all here for you whenever you need us. We don't want you to feel alone again."

Pickle felt his vision blur a bit as his voice wavered as he spoke, "I just felt so... So ashamed that I was still latching onto the old memories of Taco when I know that that wasn't even who she really was. I didn't want to drag you guys down because I cant get over her... It's just so... so pathetic you know? I shouldn't miss someone who hurt me so much... Isn't it stupid?"

"It's not stupid..." OJ held Pickle's hand gently, "It's fine to feel that way, it was a lot to process. It's never pathetic to feel and care so deeply. It shows how much of a kind person you are. You spent so much time with her, it's natural that you miss her. And it's okay to take time to heal from that. Take as long as you need, and we're all here for you."

"Is it really okay? What if I take years to get better? And maybe one day if I feel like I'm totally over her, something happens and I spiral back? What if-"

OJ pressed a firm finger on Pickle's lips to shush him, "Don't think about the 'what ifs.' It'll be okay. I'll be here for you when you need a moment to be vulnerable with your feeling. Okay?"

As OJ pulled his finger from Pickle's lips, Pickle felt the shame leaving from his veins, and instead filling with warmth. A gentle feeling, maybe healing? He wasn't sure, but it felt so comforting and Pickle didn't want it to leave.

"Okay."

OJ smiled softly, "Good. I missed hearing your voice last night..."

Then, perhaps he did this instinctively, but OJ leaned forward and kissed Pickle on the cheek.

A stunned silence.

Pickle stared at OJ, a slight blush dusting across his face as OJ frantically stood up, face bright red, stammering and tripping over himself, "Oh! Sorry! I didn't- I didn't mean to- I just, well I was really worried about you and I- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to kiss you! Well, it's not like I don't want to kiss you- You're very handsome- I mean no! Wait no, I don't mean you're like ugly or anything, you're very attractive and kind and fun and uhhh..."

OJ's face flushed harder and harder with each second. His face was redder than his hair as he tried to hide his face in embarrassment. Pickle watched as the once composed and calm OJ turn into a hot mess in front of him in slight amusement and shock. He then started to laugh a bit.

"OJ, come over here. I'm not mad, just come here."

Still flushed with embarrassment, OJ slowly made his way over to Pickle, "You're not going to make fun of me are you?"

"No," Pickle then pulled OJ in close to have their lips meet. OJ blushed as Pickle chuckled softly, "I just wanted to taste your lips properly."

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Eeeee not sure if this is a satisfying end but I kinda want to take a break from writing for a bit
I hope you guys enjoyed this!