Our Heart (Rewritten)

Family

But for once, Peat doesn't sigh or roll his eyes and just says quietly, "Only if you want to tell me."

Noeul whips his head around at this, getting hot air blown on his face before Peat turns the hair dryer off. "Peat...don't be mad at me." Noeul pleads, his eyes round and glassy.

"What are you talking about? I'm not mad at you, silly." Peat reassures him with his signature snarky attitude but his expression becomes solemn at which point he comes clean, "I'm just a bit...mad at myself."

"Huh? Why?"

Peat chuckles but it's hollow and he turns his face away to wipe at his tears. "It's just that...I'm sorry about the things I said."

Noeul shakes his head vigorously as if to tell the other there's nothing to forgive. But he doesn't interrupt further and lets Peat finish.

"Remember when you were just about to get your transplant? I told you that if you survived, I'd take you to see the world as soon as you're recovered enough. But once it was time and with each new thing that you tried, I just...I was scared."

"Peat..."

"Back then, we always had your mom and mine. They knew what to do if you collapse, if you're in pain. But I don't or at least, I wasn't confident that I won't freeze and react too late. So I ended up taking you to see the world while keeping you on a leash and as a result, I made you miserable. I'm sorry, Noeul."

"That's not true." Noeul whimpers, taking both of Peat's hands in his. "Peat, that was never the case. I...hid things from you because I felt guilty. My mom puts so much pressure on you and I know I'm difficult too. Because of me, you can't do things that you like such as travel or try extreme sports. You always try to include me and make lots of sacrifices. You couldn't even have other friends because I'm always your priority. It must be so hard to be friends with me."

"Shut up, it's not hard." Peat sobs as well, both just crying their eyes out at this point. "So just tell me everything and I promise not to be a joy killer anymore, okay?"

Noeul bobs his head and mumbles, "M'kay." Then he adds, "On second thought, I don't mind if you scold me every now and then. I never said this before but...I'm really grateful to you, Peat. And I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

"Come here, you stupid head." Peat mutters, spreading his arms in which Noeul buries himself and soaks Peat's shirt in a pool of tears. The latter chuckles at Noeul's ugly crying face but then again, he probably doesn't look that much different.

Ever since they were kids, they've been glued by the hips. They do everything together and rely on each other, Peat being Noeul's guide out in the world and Noeul Peat's sanctuary when life outside became too much.

Although they aren't lovers, they too were fated to meet not just as friends but brothers.

~~~

After straightening things out with both Boss and Peat, Noeul's chest feels much lighter. But he knows that's only half the battle. Yesterday, his mother told him he's to leave school and return to tutoring at home and she never goes back on her words.

But Boss taught Noeul an important lesson—that this is his life.

Being sick practically his whole life, Noeul had resigned his fate to doctors and to his mother's wishes and demands. He always felt bad to her, that she can never rest easy because she's a single mother with a frail son who will never grow up to be strong enough to care for himself and her too.

But now, Noeul wonders if that's even really the case or simply what he's been led to believe. His mom had always been a little...excessive. She thinks too much and comes up with every possible worst case scenario. She cries too much when Noeul refuses to obey her down to the last tiny details and she monitors him too much to the point that he feels as though he's being watched under a microscope.

He understands, he does. But to what extent will she protect him from a sickness he'll never fully recover from? He will always have a fragile heart but does that have to mean he will always have to live as if he's dying?

No, he refuses to do that even just for one more day. So when his mother comes back, thinking it'll be like old times wherein, after giving him some time to calm down, Noeul would apologize and yield to her, Noeul gathers his courage and tells her otherwise.

"What do you mean you won't go back to homeschooling?" She narrows her eyes at her son who then retorts, "Exactly what I said. I won't go back; I want to keep going to school with Peat."

"Don't be ridiculous, Noeul!"

"You're the one being ridiculous, ma!" Noeul exclaims thunderously, making both his mom and Peat slightly jump. He instantly feels guilty but aside from lowering his volume, he doesn't change his stance. "Ma...I'll always be sickly. We can't panic and hide every time something happens because it can't be avoided."

"Exactly!" His mom argues. "You will always be sickly so we have to take measures-"

"We've taken every possible measure. I've been in and out of the hospital every since I could remember. I lived cautiously all my life before the transplant but wasn't that the whole point of getting a new heart? So I can do things, normal things?"

"The point of replacing your old heart was so it doesn't kill you, Noeul! But that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want! See? You COLLAPSED! Is that what you want? Are you trying to kill me too from worrying about you?"

"Auntie, Noeul..." Peat utters quietly, worried their "talk" might do more harm than good.

But even with tears now welling in his eyes and the tightness in his chest, Noeul soldiers on, "Everything I want?" He says it like a question. "Ma, I haven't done a quarter of the things I want. And I get it; I'm not like other kids and no matter how strong my mind is, my body is weak. But...but if you're just gonna keep me locked up in here or in my bedroom, then what are you keeping me alive for?"

After the words leave his lips, his mother falls utterly silent. Her face drained of color and the realization dawning on her. She never thought her attempts to keep her son alive inadvertently killed him on the inside. And the place she calls their home had long become Noeul's prison. His body, which she only wanted to heal, is bruised and battered from decades of excessive treatment because she wanted to exhaust every possible option.

She forgot. She forgot that body belongs to a boy...with feelings and dreams and hopes and fears which he voices out for the first time, "Ma, I know you're scared. I'm scared too. But I don't want to die...before I even know what it's like to live."

His mother's hand fly up to cover her mouth as she bursts into tears, thinking 'what have I done'. She then runs to Noeul's side and embraces him tightly while uttering repeatedly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. My poor baby. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Noeul hugs her back just as tightly, sobbing into her stomach like a little boy. On the foot of the bed, Peat cries with them quietly, feeling relieved. And just outside the door stands Boss with Fort not too far behind.

His eyes are fixed on Noeul with a soft smile on his lips. He's proud of the boy for reclaiming his life but although Boss was the one who spurred him to do it, he knows Noeul had it in him all along. After all, for a boy who's sickly and at risk of dying too soon, Noeul is full of life and has proven time and time again that he has a heart of steel.

~~~

Author's note:

Sorry for the late updates. 😅 I'm kind of a crazed perfectionist sometimes even though I know there's no such thing as perfection. Anyway, congratulations on finishing these two chapters; they were an emotional roller coaster ride. I hope you enjoyed them and see you on my next updates which I will try to post more consistently. ✌🏻 

Xoxo

P'Perry