Shooting For The Moon

I am not your present

You were never really present

The few nice things you managed to say now I know that's not what you truly meant

Imagination is my biggest flex but I ran out of excuses to invent

You're not even missing me when I am about to spend the rest of my life without you

You were not even here for me all of the nights I was sleeping right next to you

Like you said, you're not in my life

I should have known that a slave never becomes a wife

You don't want to know about my work, my friends and family

When I want to get to know you, you just get angry

I found millions of reasons to love you but you couldn't find any

I wait too much and I want too much

You think I am of no use when you don't need me

I am the relationship you never wanted but half of you remained

If you could understand what love is then you would get why I stayed

If we were some characters we would be the couple I would never ship

I would tell the girl to run away because her heart, he would rip

Somebody else said my presence was a gift

You abandoned me so fast, you're swift

You're millions of miles away

But in another universe, I was the one who made you stay

Feels like you opened my heart with a knife

The one that I wanted to open up to

Didn't care what I'd been up to all my life

I don't know what to say

Without you making me feel like I was too much

Without thinking I wasn't enough

I panicked so much so sometimes I messed up

I am sorry that I often gave myself up

You intimidated me, I didn't feel free

The truth is you were toxic and I hate to admit it

You used to say that I talked too much about me

I wish you didn't see what sucks about me

You looked at your reflection with horror so you tried to make me your broken mirror

The thing I say the most is "Come back to me", I don't care if you can't hear me

Sometimes I just forget to stop caring about you

Sometimes I would just forgive you for all the things you did to me

I've let you play pretend but we both know I wouldn't have been obsessed with you if you weren't already obsessed with me

I would have blamed myself first so you wouldn't even have to blame me

If you needed one more kidney

I would have given you both just in case

I've never loved someone this much

You try so hard to hate me so you don't have to hate the fact that we're over

You'll always be a hater and despise me for being a lover

I want you to be happy even if you're forgetting my face

You were spitting behind my back because you were never brave enough to be vulnerable in front of anyone's face

The way my brain copes is by putting you in my dreams

You're millions of miles away so you won't hear any of my screams

When you didn't want to be alone

Maybe I was not the one you dreamt of

I was just a familiar face that you loved to erase

When you felt like dying I was so scared for you

I was never scared of your darkest parts, I was always afraid of losing you

I disagree about the shitty things you said about me

I don't get how you could let people believe that me being pushy is the real story

I've seen you criticize every one of your supposed loved ones

You tricked my heart into believing you were worthier than a hundred suns

If I was there for you then who was there for me?

Now that you stained me what's left for me?