metulji - jan peteh

Gone - Jan POV

'I'm sure she'll get over it soon. It all works out like that.' he drolled casually, ignoring Bojan's fierce eyes.

'I don't think it will.' I input, attempting to break down his sudden anger. Jure wasn't exactly helping the matter, but he was just oblivious, so at least it wasn't purposeful.

'She might, she might not.' Bojan replied, not wanting to irritate either party. Obviously, he didn't want to hurt me, but I knew that the chance of her even wanting to see me at all would be very slim. 'She's only just come around after fainting, give her some time.'

'Why are you defending her?' I questioned suddenly, the question having been in my mind for a few minutes now. It was very odd for anyone in the group to not side with another member instead of the other personl, and us leaving the apartment seemed to be more for Lilia's benefit, rather than mine.

'She's been nothing but nice. She was fun the other night. She also doesn't have any friends in this situation to back her up.'

I suspected that the third reason was the one he actually meant; Bojan had a tendency to list a few things but only say one genuinely. He wasn't exactly wrong, but if Lilia was with Nace and Kris, why couldn't one of them take that role? Did I not need support too? Of course, I immediately felt guilty after thinking this, and decided not to continue the debate.

The conversation died coldly after that.

~•~

A few more pints down the line, and my feelings were all over the place. I was completely and utterly gone. I'd had to leave the table a few times due to a sick feeling that now resonated deeply in the pit of my stomach, but that part wasn't due to the drink.

'Yes.' I slurred loudly as Jure asked if I needed another glass. I'd drained the last in seconds, needing liquid to coat my dry throat and bring me some form of salvation.

'Don't get him another one.' Bojan said, pulling Jurček to the side and speaking in a low whisper straight down his ear so that I wouldn't be able to make out the words.

'What?' I loudly pronounced.

'We're going back to the apartment.' he replied kindly, seeming happy that we were no longer in exile from our own place.

'Why?' I asked hopefully, praying that Lilia had agreed to talk to me.

'It's getting late.' he told me. That had to be an excuse. He just didn't want me excited, that was all.

'Fuck yes.' Jure exclaimed; his pupils were so far dilated I was unsure as to where he was looking. He had been the one to get drunk with me: let's be honest, when was Jure not down for free beers when someone else was paying? Every round so far had been on Bojan, and he was clearly making the most of it. Bojči himself remained fairly sober - he'd had a few, but stopped drinking hours ago, distracting himself with his phone still.

'Come on. Let's walk.'

As soon as I heard that, I jumped straight out of my seat.

The journey back to the apartment was short and brisk; I took steps a lot quicker than I would have usually, like if I increased my speed I would also increase my chances of having a good conversation with Lilia. I ignored the way Bojan and Jure exchanged glances as they tried to keep up with my pace; my focus was not on them, nor on the prospect of seeing Nace and Kris like the pair had assumed. My brain chanted the same word over and over again, which I'm sure everyone would be able to guess without the need for my input.

I was about to bring this back around.

'Fucking hell, I'm so happy we're allowed back.' I started. 'I'm not sure how much longer I could've drank for.' Words just toppled out of my mouth, in excitement and apprehension all at the same time. As much as I wanted to construct something to say to her carefully, I was totally incapable. My mind swirled in anticipation, picking up any words I wanted to store for later and taking them away from me, while throwing the first ones it thought of out of my mouth.

I burst through the doors of the apartment block, avoiding the reception and darting straight for the stairs. Thinking rationally, the elevator would probably have brought us up quicker, but I had adrenaline that would not have been able to deal with being stood still for that length of time. Bojči shouted for me to come back down, but was I fuck about to conform to him. Instead, I took 2 steps at a time up the staircase, reaching the first floor in a matter of seconds. Then the second, which was where our apartment was.

I fumbled for my keys as I dashed to the door, my mind full of words and thoughts and feelings that needed sorting. But only one person could sort them out, and in order for her to be able to, I would need to open this fucking lock.

Before I had the chance, the door swung open, and Nace appeared in front of me.

'Where is she? How is she? I can see her, right, she'll let me see her?' The questions fell out of my head like a waterfall that had been blocked by a dam for too long. 'Let me in Nace, we need to talk this out. Please.'

Yet his face remained somber.

'She's not here, Jan. She's gone.'