When We Write the Stars

Chapter 16: Hayden

     She shakes her head, probably picturing Coleman making a fool out of himself, at least that's what I'm doing. He hooks up a lot, but also likes the chase and will go for girls way out of his league. He plays hockey, so that helps him some, but no one knows how to put their foot in their mouth quite like him.

     "So, since no one else is here," I say as we both sit down on their couch, "let's talk about it."

     She immediately stands back up, "Shouldn't we watch the movie first," she asks.

     "No," I say, "Stop stalling.

     "I'm not stalling."

     "You're so stalling, and I can't figure out why, you've never had an issue telling me whatever before."

     "Well what am I supposed to say," she says raising her voice ever so slightly, "We argue about everything, and the only thing we seem to agree on is that we have good chemistry."

     "We do not argue about everything," I reply immediately, also standing up so we're at an even level.

     "What are you talking about? We are literally arguing right now about how we argue," she says looking stuck between laughing at the irony and exasperated at the conversation.

    "So we challenge one another," I say, knowing she's completely right about the arguing thing, but not wanting to let her have it, "That's a good thing."

     "In a relationship? That's not good. You don't start a relationship by arguing all the time."

     "Who said anything about a relationship," I ask, immediately realizing that did not come out the way I meant it to based on the look on her face, "What I mean is, why do we have to be in a relationship, I just think we should further explore whatever chemistry we have."

     "Explore our chemistry," she asks, "Like a friends-with-benefits thing, because I don't know..."

     I cut her off, "No not like friends with benefits, that never works out. Look let's just keep doing whatever it is we're doing until say the end of the project. Then if things are going well we can revisit whatever it is we are, if not then nothing lost or gained, we'll never have to see each other again."

    "So classmates with benefit," she asks wrinkling her nose and sounding almost more disgusted, "That's worse."

     "Well, what do you want me to suggest," I ask, impatient, "Be my girlfriend, Cassie, marry me, have all my babies," I say mustering as much sarcasm as I can.

     She rolls her eyes, "No that's not what I'm saying, ew."

     "Well then what," I ask, annoyed again, "You keep turning down all of my suggestions, but don't seem to have any of your own."

     "Because I don't know," she says finally, sitting down. With a calmer, softer voice, "I don't know what we are Hayden. I don't know how to think about you or us."

     I sit down next to her and grab her hand, that seems like the right thing to do, something comforting so she doesn't start crying, or worse yelling at me again, "Then let's not worry about what to call it. Just what do you want?"

     She straightens her posture then responds thoughtfully, "I want. I want to keep 'exploring our chemistry' or whatever. But exclusively, I don't want to be one of many girls. And I don't want this to get in the way of our project, or priorities. I need to focus on grad school right now."

     "See, that wasn't so hard," I respond, "I agree I don't want to hook up with anyone else right now, and I'd prefer if you didn't either. Seeing where this goes without any real strings seems nice, and I think that we should be able to call it at any point if it starts to get in the way of hockey for me, or school for you."

     "Okay," she responds, still sounding somewhat unsure, "that sounds good to me. Should we tell people? Like if my roommates ask, what should I say."

     "Just say, we're having fun. Living out senior year. Relieving stress together," I respond, "that's what I'll tell mine if they ask.

     "Okay," she says again, "This doesn't mean I'm going to start agreeing with you on everything now though.

     "I wouldn't want it to," I Reply laughing before I lean in to kiss her.

She kisses me back and immediately we're diagonal on the couch, making out. And it's so much better than I remembered, and my memory is damn good. A minute or so in though, she puts a stop to it, "Wait the movie."

     I laugh and shake my head, sitting up as well, "I guess we did say school comes first."

     "After the movie though," she says offering me a mischievous grin.

     "God this better be a short movie," I say in response as she turns the movie on. I instinctively put an arm around her as we watch, and she snuggles into me on the couch. I guess that'll be our new normal for movie nights, and I'm not complaining.

     I don't think I catch a single thing that happens in the entire movie. Cassie periodically takes notes in the notebook she's used for all the movies, but I couldn't even tell you the main character's name, and I'm pretty sure it's the title of the movie. All I notice the entire time is Cassie leaning against me, how good her hair smells, and everything I'm going to do to her when this movie ends.

     "Okay," she says as soon as it's over, "time for the next movie."

     "The next movie, Cassie you're killing me," I say then look over and see the grin on her face and realize she's joking, "You're gonna pay for that."

     She giggles, "Oh yeah, what're you going to do about it?"

     "This," I say as I lean towards her until she's practically lying on the couch, our faces are mere inches away, and she closes her eyes in anticipation. I then stand up, "Okay well I should go."

     "I swear to God Hayden," she says sitting up and grabbing my arm before I can walk away.

     "You shouldn't swear," I reply grinning.

     She sighs, but smiles, "Let's go to my room, so no one interrupts us and you can't leave. That is unless you're too scared. Is that why you're being so difficult?"

     "Me? Difficult? I would never be difficult, I'm always so incredibly agreeable."

    Then she pulls me into her room and closes the door and suddenly we're kissing, and there's nothing funny about it. Immediately every joke I was making out of nervousness is gone, and replaced with pure passion as we make out, and this time there's nothing stopping me as I take her shirt off, and no one interrupts as she removes mine.

     "Bed," she says, between kisses, clearly tired of us constantly making out against the wall.

     Without breaking our closeness, I pull us down onto the bed so we're making out diagonally, and I begin to lower my kisses from her face lower and lower, slowly pushing her pants off until I hit that sweet spot...

     It's nearly 2 a.m. by the time we're finished and I move to leave. After sex, we laid there together for hours just talking. It was amazing, It'd been so long since I'd been that vulnerable with someone after sex. Usually, we'd just leave afterwards never to see each other again, but with Cassie it was different. Just thinking about the breathy little moans she'd made when I'd gone down on her was almost enough to get me hard again. Unfortunately, anything else will have to wait for another night.

     Her roommates got back hours ago, so luckily no one's there to see me sneak out, and my roommates are all asleep or in their rooms when I get back, so I'm safe from anyone questioning us for now. Even though we're not keeping things secret, it's nice to know that for now, for tonight it's just us. No one else questioning what we're doing, or why, or how serious. It won't last this way forever, but it's nice.