Princess Alver (og Cale x Alver)

Part 14

No one really has a proper education in romance. There are too many variables in different relationships, stereotypes and boxes people are forced into, and problematic samples for any person to truly grow up with the ideal perspective on love.

This makes the search for romance an effort of trial and error that most people error in far more than they succeed.

Alver Crossman had a uniquely terrible education in romance. The samples of his parents' flawed relationship. The surrounding political marriages of nobility. Her own decision to avoid romance and her aunt's aromantic view of the world. And of course, Alver's tendency to keep everyone at arm's reach without trusting them fully. It all led to an individual who couldn't quite understand the purpose of romance and certainly didn't have a good understanding of it.

When her own heart raced for her first love, she couldn't understand it and she couldn't embrace it.

Cale Henituse was a bad idea.

Even if Alver had a good idea of romance and a masterful ability to craft healthy relationships, it would be a challenge to craft something beautiful with such a completely flawed, broken, and stupid man. Love simply can't fill all the gaps in relationships that would be created by dating such a self destructive and impulsive person. Despite her lackluster education in romance, Alver implicitly understood this about Cale.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Cale was what bad life choices were made of.

It was stupid to hold affection for him in her heart and it was foolish to reveal her vulnerability to him. Even accidentally, it was a stupid move from beginning to finish.

Alver was a serious person. She couldn't consider things in half measures. The idea of playing with Cale in a non-serious relationship would have never even occurred to her as a possibility. Casual courtship or relationships of the flesh simply didn't fit inside of her worldview. As those would be the only feasible options for a dangerous entity like Cale Henituse to enter her life, he was never an option.

The light left Cale's eyes.

The happy lilt to his voice disappeared.

The flush in his cheeks faded.

And he wore an expression that spoke louder than any word possibly could that ah, of course it was like this and his pathetic acceptance made even his smile look sad.

It was the second time that she had made him look so sad.

He looked a lot better when he was just an impudent pup barking up the wrong tree to garner her attention.

Alver had no experience in romance and an absolutely abysmal education in it. However, this didn't make her stronger at avoiding it. Far from it.

It just meant that she didn't know how to properly curve her own impulses.

Alver pushed Cale up against the window and stole his lips in an awkward but demanding kiss.

Whatever thoughts were in her head just flew away.

I like him.

She pressed in closer, reveling in the feeling of Cale responding to her kiss, shyly moving his lips against hers as his free hand snaked around her waist.

I really like him.

She got used to the pattern of moving her lips against his, greedily nipping at his lip to change the pace on him. The fingers she had curled around his wrist sliding up to intertwine with his own.

I can't help but like him.

She didn't know when she closed her eyes but she was lost in the sensation. The way he held her hand, the way he held her close, the way he followed her lead through the kiss but never gave in, stubbornly meeting her every movement and trembling just so slightly, as though he was scared the moment would end. She was scared too.

What kind of idiot falls for the same person twice? This idiot, this lovable idiot, I can't believe he's such an idiot.

Alver pulled away for breath, gasping for air as she looked into his warm brown eyes and all she wanted to do was curse him.

If he was watching her lecherously, it would be easy to get mad and use that as fuel to do the right thing. If he was angry or sad or just anything, she might have been able to see sense.

The pure affection in his gaze as he panted for breath alongside her, his grip around her waist greedily holding her close and half a smile on his lips that made him look just a bit goofy.

A silly looking Cale Henituse was needlessly cute.

Dammit all. She didn't know how to pull away from him. Alver tried to find the words to say a farewell or a threat or just anything but the words caught in her throat and all she wanted to do was kiss him silly all over again.

As though reading her mind, he leaned in and placed a delicately chaste kiss on her lips before releasing her waist.

"Don't worry."

No... I don't like this...

"I won't say anything. I don't have any use for political bullshit or spreading around state secrets."

It really isn't about that.

"Ha, not that I don't appreciate it but you really don't need to appease me like this. I think you're taking the whole carrot and the stick thing too far."

I don't want this.

"Thank you though. Sorry for being such a pain in your ass." Cale ran a hand through his hair and let out a small bitter laugh that made her blood run cold. "If it would make you feel better, I can do some stupid vow or someshit. I'd rather that than pity or bribes."

How beneficial it would be to just take him up on the offer. To take him up on his offer for silence, get a vow of death, and treat it all like a youthful indiscretion that would never happen again.

He really doesn't believe I could like him.

It hit her so much harder than she thought it could. And suddenly she resented his entire pursuit so much. All the stupid little notes and gifts, the smiles and flirtation, the way he'd wiggled her way into his heart and wouldn't get out, and he'd done it all convinced he was unlovable.

That was how the idiot was able to be so uselessly brave. Stupid. What a stupid idiot.

She hated it.

Alver spent most of her life being purposefully misunderstood. She was a lie wrapped in dishonesty and packaged with politics. There were few people who knew anything about the real her and even fewer who could understand her. She was used to the faintly uncomfortable feeling that came with not having her emotions be understood or conveyed.

But just Cale, she hated it.

Cale ridiculously saw so much more of her than anyone else ever had before. Saw through her lies and saw her, the parts of her that she kept hidden, and that was what he liked. In a short period of time, he'd understood more about her than some of her closest and dearest, it was terrifying to imagine how much more he could uncover given time and honesty.

Terrifying but exciting.

And yet his only blind spot thus far was the stupid notion that she couldn't possibly care for him.

What a stupid lout he really was. An incongruent and lying bastard who was rarely understood for who he was as well. This damn idiot who had no regard for his self preservation and who needed a good slap for his foolish behavior.

She couldn't help it.

Alver cupped his cheek gently and forced him to look her in the eye.

"If you can accurately tell me how I feel about you, I'll kiss you again."

It was worth it for the look on his face.