Princess Alver (og Cale x Alver)

Part 11

She didn't feel guilty.

She didn't.

She really didn't.

Alver had made it abundantly clear to the stubborn pup at least a dozen times that she had no time or willingness to indulge in his little crush. He was the one who requested a firm refusal when they met in person and so, she had absolutely no reason to feel any guilt.

So the gut wrenching feeling every time she thought of his fallen features wasn't guilt. The ache in her heart when she saw the smile behind his eyes diminish was definitely not regret. Alver had made the correct decision.

A firm and honest rejection without any room for question.

Cale's shoulders slumped, so slightly that she might have missed it if she was less observant, and although he still wore that devil-may-care smile it was so obviously insincere that she had to wonder if he'd lost his touch for the dishonest.

"I understand."

He didn't say anything else.

Alver tapped her desk where Cale's letters would normally sit after the little menace sent her yet another message for perusal. It sat below the vase where the flowers he sent were wilting.

There was no letter.

Cale was a man of his word, he was warned not to send her any more letters and so he cut off contact completely.

Why did that surprise her so much?

It was Cale's fault, really, he'd refused every single hint and pretended not to notice all of her several rejections and so, she'd half thought that he'd find an excuse to continue pursuing her even after rejection. Some part of her figured that he was too stubborn to just give up without pulling every single stop.

I'm being foolish.

It was already strange enough that Cale had pursued her as ardently as he had. He didn't know Alberu Crossman very well and his feelings were likely shallow as appreciating a handsome face, the same as all the other senseless people who threw themselves at her in various ways.

...why didn't I hate it?

Alver's finger paused mid-tap and she stared at the appendage with shock taking its time to seep through every inch of her. It was a strange thing to realize so late.

Alver had plenty of admirers. Those that came forward and those that didn't. Regardless of gender, age, or respectability there were plenty of people who fell for the handsome face of Alberu Crossman and his gentle persona. Cale was not the first young nobleman to present his heart on a platter for Alberu's consumption and far from the first one that she'd been first to firmly reject.

But she'd always hated it.

The look in their eyes while they pursued her. The love in their heart that meant nothing but an attraction to a lie. The carefully crafted persona of Alberu Crossman was created to fall in love with, for the people to aspire to, for the world to respect. Yet, she hated dealing with those who fell for that illusion and pursued her returning their affections.

Cale wasn't the first but he was definitely the most assertive, rude, and frankly unhinged. The ridiculous punk who also wore his own mask and treated her like...

Alver let out a long sigh and leaned back in her chair, running a hand through Alberu's blond locks as she turned her gaze to the ceiling with a feeling of unease inside of her.

I do regret it.

She could admit that at least. No matter what the circumstances, Alver would always be forced to reject Cale. No one could know her secrets and close romantic relationships were the perfect window for others to learn her secrets and even develop the resentment to use it against her.

Alver wasn't naive or ignorant.

No matter how happy a couple started, cracks in relationships could be created through anything. Sometimes, a person's feelings just changed or sometimes people grew apart, but often when couples chose to go their separate ways there was someone left hurt and vengeful.

How could Alver endure a relationship when she would spend every moment preparing for the day that her partner might betray her if it ended? How could she build trust with a person while understanding just how transient their feelings might be?

In her earliest years of life, Alver had seen just how happy and in love her parents were.

She'd always seen Zedd abandon her mother over and over in a million different ways and a hundred little betrayals. She'd seen how love that had burnt out ended. Her mother had been wise enough to never fully trust her father and that was why Alver was even still alive. She dreaded to think what her father might have done to her if he knew that she was a quarter dark elf. That she wasn't even his son but rather his daughter.

And all these concerns existed even with ideal partners who were stable and seemingly unchanging. Cale was a volatile force of unpredictable energy who might do just about anything without warning.

For Alver, romantic relationships were dangerous. A romantic relationship with Cale Henituse was simply unthinkable. He could not and would not be the partner who she could depend upon to never betray her.

But she could still regret it.

I'm not a child. I ought to just admit it.

She liked him. Whether his feelings for Alberu were sincere or not, she enjoyed his attention and enjoyed his pursuit. She kept each of his letters carefully stacked in her left hand drawer and she felt a spark of happiness whenever she thought of him.

Although, now all she felt was the bitter sting of regret.

Alver let out a long sigh and stood up from her desk, staring out into the courtyard beyond her window. She was Crown Prince now and the future she'd always fought for was closer to her than ever before. She didn't need to worry about survival the way that she once had and she could be sure of her own worth as an heir.

Alver was prepared to lose love when she first decided to climb her way to the throne.

It was hardly love. Alver shook her head with a sad smile. They hardly knew each other and frankly, it would be more accurate to call it all youthful infatuation. But... it could have been love.

She could see herself falling in love with Cale Henituse.

Stupid bastard he was, she found his antics charming and enjoyed each piece of sincerity she'd managed to drag out of him.

She would simply need to make an effort to avoid Cale until the remnants of this affection left and he became nothing more of a fond memory from her youth.