Seeing Sparks

The Breach

"A seizure?" Ant repeated numbly, the phone pressed against his ear almost painfully because he was suddenly razor-sharp focused and desperate to absorb every bit of information they were willing to give over the phone. "Is he okay? What happened?"

"He was brought in by ambulance a couple of hours ago," the nurse replied, her tone inscrutable. Ant tried to take comfort from the fact that they hadn't phoned immediately but still found himself sinking onto the nearby stairs, rocking his head against the wall. "We're keeping him in for observation for the time being because this is the first seizure we believe he has had. That's standard practice so no need to be concerned that he was brought here."

Ant wasn't sure he could shake any of his concern, no matter what he was told. He knew he was only in Newcastle; it was hardly the other side of the world; but he might as well have been in Australia. Helplessness was never a feeling that sat well with him either. He wanted to be sat in a doctor's office, able to ask every question he had without knowing that the nurse on the other end of the phone likely had numerous phone calls like this one to make this afternoon. He needed to know what had happened; where Stephen had been; if anyone had been with him.

"How long does he need to stay in for?" he asked instead of tackling any of those questions. "He is conscious, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," she reassured quickly. "Due to his previous medical history, we are admitting him onto the same ward he was on last year. It should only be for a night so we can book in a couple of scans for tomorrow. He'll be discharged after that as long as he hasn't had another seizure in the meantime."

The combination of Stephen and seizures just didn't work in Ant's head to the point that thinking of him having another one was almost impossible because he couldn't even reconcile the idea of him having the first. Ant had so little experience of what a seizure even looked like beyond the scary depictions of them that he'd seen on TV. He couldn't imagine Stephen shaking and unresponsive, not sure if his eyes would have been screwed closed or open in a blank stare.

"Someone will need to help him get home tomorrow," the voice against his ear continued when he didn't immediately ask another question. Another twinge of guilt twisted in his stomach because he wasn't there. "He may also need to stay with someone if possible, depending on how he is recovering."

"I'm not in London at the moment," Ant forced himself back towards functioning, at least trying to get halfway to normal, and pushed his feelings away. What Stephen needed at the moment was the rational Ant who had appeared after the accident. Just like back then, Ant would deal with his own emotions when he had a moment to himself. "Stephen has a second emergency contact, Declan Donnelly. If I can't get back by tomorrow, I'm sure he will be available. And he should be able to come in this afternoon if that's allowed."

"Ah yes, I can see that on his medical record," the nurse confirmed. "He would be able to visit during the standard visiting hours if he wanted to. We can contact him and explain..."

"I can do that," Ant interjected easily. Sure, he felt sick at the prospect of explaining any of this to Dec, especially over the phone where the older man was likely to worry and leave Ant feeling even more useless because he wouldn't be able to provide any comfort, but it seemed better to do it himself than to let Dec go through the same stress of receiving a call from the local hospital.

"Our visiting hours are 1pm to 7pm," the nurse said helpfully, sounding grateful for the offer. Ant didn't need that information though – those times had been engrained in his mind and dictated a large part of his daily schedule for the best part of a month at the start of last year. "He'll be on Ward 12."

"And he's doing okay?" Ant asked tentatively. He knew he'd already asked a variation of the same question but he couldn't hang up without knowing more. It was hard, knowing anything when he was too far away to do anything about the answer but he couldn't keep the associations he had with seizures at bay and needed something to wipe away that information.