Break My Heart Myself

Chapter 17

TatumLee: Time to hear my side of things.

I had never planned on making this video nor did I want to address this topic because it's a whole lot of mess but... I owe it to everyone to be honest. The truth is that I was very unhappy in my relationship so I mentally checked out of it and I turned to Colson who was helping me with my music. I made out with Colson in the studio but it NEVER went further than that and we told our partners the next day because it was not something that we intended to happen. I am really sorry to Megan and Pete who were hurt in the process but it happened and I can't change that. All I can do is apologise which I have done repeatedly and move on with my life. 

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I made the decision to share my truth about the infidelity with the world and naturally, I received a lot of hate for it but something surprising came as a result of it. Megan reached out to me over text and thanked me for my confession which slightly weirded me out but we were able to talk about the situation.

I don't think we will ever be friends again but this is a chapter in my life that I am moving on from. My friendship with Avril and Derek deteriorated as a result of the infidelity but I have heard that Pete has been in touch with Colson. 

Why do I sabotage everything I love?
It's always beautiful until I fuck it up

I sigh deeply as I stare out at the crowd of ten thousand people staring back at me with a mixture of expressions.

Tell myself I'm safe and lonely
With nobody else to break my heart
Even though I know you'd never
I'm my own worst enemy and think you are

Matches in my back pocket
I'm the queen of burning bridges
I will only let you down

My eyes lock with my former group of friends who are sitting at the show and now more than ever,  I find myself resonating with this song. I sabotaged everything for a moment that added nothing but misery to my life and I regret it so much.

Why do I sabotage everything I love?
It's always beautiful until I fuck it up
Why do I sabotage everything I love?
The walls are closing in because I built them up