Inside The Mind Of A Killer

Chapter 4: The First Casualty

Joshua presses his hand against his mouth, choking back oncoming sobs.

Noah's reaction is unreadable. His eyes are grim, and it looks like he's not going to shed tears any time soon. He's trembling, however, so that at least tells me that he's upset.

I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. There are lots of different feelings swarming inside of me. It's all a blur between sadness, anger, and fear, and my stomach is aching and tied up in knots. Hot bile rises up to my throat, but I force it down. Hurling at the sight of Eliza's mangled body might seem rude to the others. To avoid anyone else feeling an extra wave of uneasiness, I fall to my knees and stare at the bloodstained dirt beneath me, telling myself that this couldn't possibly be real.

It couldn't be, right?

Noah crouches down and squeezes my shoulder gently. I can feel his hand trembling hard against my skin. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but hesitates and closes the gap between his lips. My vision blurs a little and I give my oncoming tears permission to release themselves. My head is fuzzy and it hurts a little. I take a quick glance at Alex, who has completely lost control of his emotions. Konner practically has him smothered in his shirt, but that doesn't cease Alex's distressed cries.

What are we going to do now? I wish to repeat this question out loud, but my throat is too dry to handle that request. Instead, I look to Konner for guidance. We make eye contact, and he nods in understanding before speaking to Joshua.

"Hey, Josh." Konner holds out his smartphone. "Take this and call the police, if you will."

Joshua wipes away any remaining tears and sniffles, then takes the phone from Konner. "Sure."

As he's informing the police of the incident, I can't help but notice how hard Noah is shaking. He looks really pale too. I tap his shoulder, bringing his attention back to me.

"Hey, you ok?" I ask him. I realize it sounds like a stupid question, considering our friend was just killed overnight, but it doesn't hurt to ask, I guess.

With a trembling voice, he replies with, "Um yeah– Yeah, I'm– I'm fine."

He's not fine.

I reach out to touch him, but he flinches back hard. I'm shocked momentarily, but I pull my arm away from him, not wanting to test his limits. "Sorry."

"No, you're– you're fine– Sorry..." Noah groans in an embarrassed manner as he brings his hands to his hair and starts tugging on it gently. I do nothing but sit and wait with him as he continues to release his frustration in small bits through heavy breathing and hair tugging. I feel awkward not doing anything, but it's the best I can do for now.

Ever so slowly, the once shock ridden cries die down as we wait for the police to arrive. My head is filled with nothing but numb thoughts, and when the authorities actually show up, I can't entirely focus on what they're saying to Konner and Joshua, who have taken control of the whole situation. This I figure because of how calm and responsible they've always been. Alex got himself separated from Konner and ended up being comforted by Noah, who clings to him like his life depends on it. I still can't read Noah's thoughts. They're much too cloudy to tell.

The only thing I can tell is how terrified he looks.

As soon as the police are finished talking to Konner and Joshua, they both walk up to us. Joshua shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and stares at the ground. Meanwhile, Konner is making direct eye contact with us and he's obviously struggling to not break down.

"The police are going to call us in later for interrogation," he tells us. "For now, we have to go home."

"Ok..." Noah's voice is raspy as he says this, standing up shakily. He turns to Alex. "I'll take you home, ok?"