played by fate

06 - burnout

0 6

I hated going to school, but that doesn't mean that I don't want not to excel in it. Maybe it's the reason why my parents and everybody in my hometown labeled me as a 'nerd.' It's because I don't complain about my school life to anybody, at all.

I find it hard to tell even my sister just how much I hated going to school in fear of being a bad influence. I don't like school, but I didn't like the idea of failing it. In short, I have a love and hate relationship with studying.

It's enjoyable, but at the same time so tiring.

"Hey, you okay?" Jeemin asked me worriedly. It's been a month now, and yet I still don't know whether I can or can not pass my course. I feel so tired most of the time, and solving math problems isn't just what I needed. What I need is something I can use to let out all my stress from uni. I just can't stand all those math equations anymore.

"Yeah, I'm good." I answered her, and then I even gave her a smile to assure her that I am indeed fine, but that was far from what I was feeling. I feel like vomiting after seeing all  my assignments that I haven't even started on yet, I also feel like my head's going to burst at any moment because of my inconsiderate professors.

They don't even teach most of the time, they just give their assignments and just leave our classroom. It's crazy because I need someone to teach me all those things so that I can answer it all. Watching Youtube videos now is so tiring because I need to work after class, and thus I don't have enough time anymore.

Should I ask one of my batchmates to help me? But it's so embarrassing because they all seem to be so good at what they do that it seems as if I'm the only one who's having a hard time in this freaking course that I don't even want to be in in the first place, but then again, it's literally my fault why I'm in this place because I don't have the courage to say 'no' to my parents who are expecting me to graduate in this course so that I can help them in making a better café and bakery back home.

I just can't tell my parents that my course is slowly killing me because, it hasn't even been a year yet, and I know I might just be over reacting. Maybe I can handle this, maybe I'm just feeling so lonely that it is now affecting my studies.

I can't freaking complain. I'm the eldest so I have to suck this up and face it like a champ. Besides, if I give up now, how can I ever face Haneul again? I can't fail. I have no choice but to succeed.

"Why are you crying?!" Jinhye asked, more like shrieked when she looked at me, before pulling me in close for a hug. Wait... I'm crying? I didn't even realize it because I've been so caught up with my thoughts. And why the fuck am I even crying? Am I seriously turning soft after being in the city for just a month? Shin Hyeri, you're freaking stronger than this!

"No, I'm fine. Maybe there's just something that went inside my eyes," I tried to reason out, but the twins just hugged me before telling me to just stop working on my assignment first. I couldn't argue with them, so I just closed my laptop before facing Jinhye and Jeemin who both looked so worried about me. Damn it. I really hate it when I worry other people.

After convincing the twins that I was fine, I eventually left them since I still have a class left, while they're already free for today.

The professor this time was good at teaching, so I was glad because I really need a professor like her. She also looked very approachable and would even joke around, so the class was lively and everyone seems so eager to participate.

After the class was over, I was confused because there are a lot of students looking at our room, so I looked around, and to my surprise, they were all looking at the twins who were both standing just outside my room. I looked at them confusingly, but they just snaked their arms on my arms before running away from the scene.