Twink of the Kingdom

The Climb to Goron City - Death Mountain

Dear diary, how come the most friendly and welcoming people in the land live in the absolutely most dogshit place in Hyrule?

It's a serious question.

I was rocking my cooling desert outfit thinking I was hot shit.
Then I actually started climbing the volcano and next thing I know my hair is on fire, my shield is on fire and my bow is on fire because I had the genius idea of bringing wooden objects in a place with a sitting temperature of 600°C; which wouldn't you know is the exact stage wood starts catching fire spontaneously.

My pride was bruised, my lips were cracked and I was starting to smell like roasted pork. Chastened, I ran down to the nearest stable to sleep for a week and lick my wounds.
My skin was peeling off my back and nose in sheets, diary. It was bloody awful.

Sympathethic gorons on their way back home stopped to chat with me, which was lovely. Goron city sounds like a pretty fun place, and rich too, thanks to all the mining they do. They tried to sound upbeat, but it's clear they are worried about Vah Rudania. Made me feel bad for them, they're such nice people.

So eventually I sucked up the humiliation and bought a flame repelling elixir off a lady. She only had 3, and the effect lasted 3 hours. Diary, the trip to Goron city was said to be two days.

I steeled myself, chugged the elixir and sprinted up the mountain.
Trust me diary, you've never felt true anxiety until you've played hopscotch in a giant river of lava on a time limit.

I only slowed once because there was a moblin harassing some miners. I ran towards it, cocked a bomb arrow and promptly blew the both of us off the mountain because of course bombs and fiery atmosphere don't mix well.

But I had a paraglider and it did not, so even with my ribs broken all to hell I was still alive to tell this dumb tale. I was only sorry that he fell into lava, he had a really nice shield I could use.

I climbed back and zig-zagged my way through the miners screaming at the top of my lungs, parting their ranks like a screeching goat on fire among a herd of gentle bulls.
I think I heard some hesitant thank you's, but I was already too far to hear and way too far gone to care.

As I lunged through the city gates sweat evaporated right off my skin, then the moisture of my eyes, then my saliva started boiling peppering my tongue with blisters.

I power-shouted my way to the clothing shop, fumbled open the straps of the fireproof armor and frantically wiggled my way in. I shoved the helmet on my head and crashed to the floor with a sob of relief.

The shopkeep swayed a bit on his feet, scratching the back of his neck.

"Ahem, are you going to buy that, ma'am?"

I sold him all my gems and monster parts and bought the armor. I looked absolutely ridiculous on me, even when adjusted it sagged around me so much I had to cut the sleeves and pants so I wouldn't trip every three steps, but finally I was safe.

And, it proved very useful for storage: I sew dozens of pockets into it, and since it was so big I could just pull my arm in and reach into my breastplate's pouches for a snack without anyone being the wiser.

Useful for when people start dumping their whole life story on me out of nowhere.

Anyhoo, this was all quite draining diary. I'm getting a special Goron massage and then I'll head straight to bed; I feel like sleeping for a hundred years.

*shivers* Actually, maybe not. Didn't turn out too well for me last time. Or anyone I care about. Or the world in general.

Hyah!

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