Together in the Moonlight (Chizuru Ichinose x Reader)

(2) Connection Lost?

After a while, the silence subsides. Y/n and Chizuru are enveloped in conversation, learning more about each other's experiences during their time apart. Their familiarity with each other starts to come back and they find it easy to converse once again. 

During all this, there was a glint in Y/n's eyes. The pure joy he felt from being able to see her again intensified his desire for her. He had been bottling up his feelings for so long, trying to ignore them the same way he saw the woman he loves do so in many occasions. Sadly, every attempt failed and now, everything was open.

However, with greater love comes greater fear...

I've got to get things right this time. If we manage to rekindle our friendship to where it was before, then I'll tell her. My heart wants me to do it right now but my head's telling me otherwise. Y/n thought during their 'catch up'.

An hour and a half passes and they still continue, both of them not wanting this conversation to end. They both want to go back to their old status, they want to be close again. Y/n can only hope that she will want to take things a step further as well.

However, his optimism is quickly fading. With every personal question, her 'walls' came back up and she acted a tad cold. Y/n's mood dropped every time this happened, for even though he understood why she cannot trust him like she had before, he still trusts her with all his heart. 

After half an hour more, they eventually leave, saying their goodbyes. The conversations had gotten more and more stale and neither of them knew what to do so they hid behind a common excuse: 'work'.

Y/n: "It's been... lovely to catch up. There's still so much to go over but I've got... work to do. You know, looking over the script and editing parts and what-not." He says with one hand behind his head, as she quickly nods, the both of them desperate to get out of the situation they're in.

Chizuru: "Y-Yeah, I've actually got a few things to do as well. See you later!" She says, her voice becoming cheerier as she waves goodbye.

And so, Y/n walks back into his own room. He quickly goes into his room, gets changed into pyjamas and falls onto his bed, stunned by what had just happened.

Did we just... lose our connection? I know it's bold of me to assume we had one but even if not... we both definitely just excused ourselves out right there. He thought, wracking his brain, searching for any solution.

Sure, she talked to me but I can no longer see the full amount of her... It's like we've reverted back to when we had only known each other for a couple of weeks or so. He worried, while lying down, clutching his blanket and using it as a stress ball.

Eventually, he manages to take his mind off of the topic by reviewing the script. He had no problem with it at all, if anything, he quite liked some of the 'creative license' used for certain scenes. He has often looked back at his old work many times, spotting places where he felt 'more could have been done' and to see some of these issues addressed made him very happy and more dedicated to helping with the movie.

He then looks at the places that were shortlisted for each scene. A couple of places didn't fit all of his specifications but most were perfect. For some scenes, he didn't even know some areas like that existed, so this was very exciting to say the least.

This takes some time, but when he finished, his mind moves back to Chizuru as he spends a couple of minutes wondering how to get close to her again, or if she'll even get close to anyone else after this. 

What Sayuri had told him about Chizuru before she passed is still present in his mind, as well as the time she basically admitted the reason she doesn't get close to people; the sadness that comes when you lose them.

In his case, they did 'lose' each other, not through death, but through geographical separation through a long passage of time. If anything, she'll be even more determined not to get close to people as despite me trying my best to be with her, we still 'lost' each other...

Chizuru's POV:

I can't believe I did that! Why did I let him leave again? We were having a nice conversation and of course I have to start hiding myself again. Why? It's just Y/n, we were far closer than this before...

I lie under the covers, hugging my blanket as I try to go to sleep. It was quite a stupid move... but I have to endure.

The second I saw him, all of the memories came flooding back, as well as our goodbye. He was the only person outside my family who made me feel such joy, but also the only one to make me feel such pain. 

When we made eye contact earlier today, all I wanted to do was run up and hold him once again, but for how long would that last? Until the end of our work together, and then until the end of the rest of his book trilogy, then we'd be apart again. 

Perhaps I do love him, but if choosing to ignore my heart means less pain, then I'll take that option.

If I told him I loved him, would he feel the same? Even if he did, I wouldn't be able to take it if we were ever separated again. I barely got through the last time.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to risk it. I can't..." Was my last whisper before I finally fell asleep.