Saving Sunshine

She is Not Afraid to Die

"Wait! Please!" I hear the guy calling out to me. I try to get up but before I can he's kneeling in front of me. "I swear, I thought you were going to drown. That's why I grabbed you." I dropped my flashlight when I bit him so now he's nothing but a shadow, reaching out to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yes," I manage to get out.

"I'm going to use my phone flashlight. Hold on." A second later I see the phone's light flick on. He points it at me, blocking some of the light so he doesn't blind me. He stares at me without saying anything. I'm used to being stared at. I have a huge scar running down my face; it starts above my right eyebrow, trails diagonally across my nose, and continues down my left cheek, stopping right at my jawline. It's from an accident I was in when I was 5. It was the accident that took my father's life. I don't really remember what happened, but I feel its effect every day. How couldn't I? I have a permanent reminder of it right on my face. I look down. He's had enough time to look. He moves the flashlight, trying to point it between us without it getting wet.

"I...have to go," I stand up. He does the same, blocking me once again.

"Wait, are you alright?"

"I'm alright. I need to go home, though."

"Were you...trying to drown?"

There it is. He asks the question. I don't really know how to respond because honestly I don't know what I was trying to do. Deep down I think I really was trying to drown, not just experience the feeling of wading into a raging ocean.

"No, I lost something important. I was trying to find it even though I know it's gone. Fool's hope, I guess," I explain.

He considers my answer. "Well, what is it? I'll keep my eyes open for it."

"Just a bracelet," I reply. That's not a lie. I have lost a bracelet that was very important to me, but that was ages ago.

"You never know," He shrugs. "I'll still keep an eye out for it."

"Thank you. I appreciate that," He seems nice enough.

"You should get inside. It's freezing...Where do you live? I can drive you..." He offers.

I'm still a bit on edge since he's still a complete stranger. I don't need him knowing where I live.

"I live really close by but thanks for the offer." I say, which is a lie. I live on the tallest hill in this town. It's quite the hike up.

"Yeah, of course...Well, hopefully I'll see you around." With a small wave he turns and walks away. This isn't how I expected this walk to go. I never see another living soul when I'm out this late. That's the point. I walk this late to avoid seeing another person. He seemed nice enough, though, but I can't just trust people immediately. Anyone can hurt you if you let them have your trust. I grab my discarded flashlight and start heading home, cursing the long walk ahead of me under my breath.

****

As I approach the house I notice the light is on and I definitely wasn't the one to leave it on. This isn't good. No one was supposed to know I was gone. I want to turn and run away. They're going to be disappointed in me. I can't stand people being disappointed in me. Before I can stop them, warm tears begin falling down my face. I wipe them away, I can't let them see me cry. I hold back the choking sob building up in my throat and walk up the porch to the front door. Before I even step inside the house someone flings the door open and envelopes me in a warm hug. It's Danny, my other older brother.

"Let her in, Danny, she's probably freezing to death." Someone says from inside the house. It's Eric, Danny's boyfriend. He practically lives with us.