Narcissistic || P.S.H × J.W.Y

66

"W-what are you doing?" I asked with nervousness.

He pinned me to the sofa as he leaned on me. He is now on top of me. Right hand on the back of the sofa while his left hand is resting on the arm of it. He is so close. So close that I can even hear his heavy, fresh breaths, smell his intoxicating perfume, and smell the faint aroma of the liquor he is drinking—whiskey.

"You smell like him. Fuck it." He hissed under his breath. I cannot understand what he is saying, even with the small distance we have.

Give me some air. I cannot breathe. I can't even function well right now. My system has been shut down since he dragged me into this position.

"Do you know who I am talking about?" he asked while quietly roaming his eyes.

There it is again. That who, again! Who the hell is that?

"You."

I stared at him in shock and disbelief. This isn't a dream, is it? Please, can someone not wake me up?

He slowly leaned more, making me stare at his facial features. His thick eyebrows that always meet whenever I do something ridiculous in his eyes and his two moles—one is at the bottom of his right eye while the other is located near the crook of his nose—are my favorites. His dimples, which only show when he smiles genuinely or laughs, are another matter and a rare sight. His lips, more reddish than mine. I stare for a whole minutes still in deep thoughts.

I still can't process anything he said. Why is that? Why is he claiming me as his property? I am so lost in my thoughts that I can't even talk right now. I know he is waiting for an answer or something for me to say, but I am unable to do so.

I am confused as hell, too. I think this is the right time to talk about my unwavering feelings that I am trying to hide deep inside me. It's blooming. With the loud beats of my heart, anxiety and nervousness took over my whole system as I felt my forehead begin to sweat.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked with a low voice, almost whispering.

 I lowered my gaze. Because I can't look into his eyes anymore. His gaze was too deep. It was so deep, I couldn't swim up. It's drowning me. He is drowning me, I can't even go up. Whenever he looks at me, his eyes are telling me something. Something I can't comprehend.

I can't understand you..

"What do you think?" Instead of answering, he threw me a question. I am getting frustrated right now. He is making me confused. Confused and afraid about the outcome. I am afraid mine will not be reciprocated.

"Do you like me?" I asked and sighed in relief. Finally, I was able to ask the question I've been wanting to know the answer to for a long time. It's a question that I need to strengthen my heart to be strong, even though in reality I want to sink into the place I'm sitting right now, disappear like a bubble, or just hide my face out of shame.

"I don't," he answered. I could hear my heart breaking into pieces as he said those words. I want to cry and beg that this is just a dream. Please, someone tell me he is just lying. This is what I am afraid of. I feel so rejected with the first person I like. 

I start to overthink again. What do his past actions tell me otherwise? I am not fully dumb enough to know what he wanted me to see, but his words are contrary. I just didn't want to assume before, and now he finally answered.

I can't face him right now. Not when I'm like this. This is my first time asking a question like this to a man. I just want to curl up in my room and cry all day.

"Not even a bit?" A tear fell off.

He held my chin with his right hand, so I was forced to look at him while my eyes and cheeks were wet with tears.

His look is debilitating and attractive, pulling me closer. "Can I kiss you?" he asked the same question again. I just know this time he won't hesitate to do it.

Instead of answering his question, I let my own hands move to place them on the nape of his neck to pull him closer. I just felt our lips touch as I closed my eyes. As soon as we kissed, the clocks that was located near us began ringing telling us that it's already 12 A.M.

It's already midnight...

It happens in the blink of an eye. It felt surreal. Who would have thought I was going to like this man when, in the very beginning, we bicker and anger each other a lot? No, I don't like him. How long will I lie to myself? I don't like him because I love him so much that my heart aches. Everyday that I am with him is a torture. My heart begs for him—his touch, his words, everything, especially his heart.

I hope he feels the same. I wish he really did.

He tilted his head as he held my jaw to position me to his heart's content. He moves, syncing mine. I follow his moves. Our lips locked as if we finally puzzled each other. Maybe we are really meant for each other.

It lasted for how long, I don't know. Butterflies are flying around. I wanted to live in this moment. I can feel the calmness, like everything is peaceful.

I didn't even notice I was now lying on the sofa as I pulled him closer. Still moving in sync until he let go and his lips left mine. I immediately gasped for air. My hands are too busy gripping his hair. But he didn't move away; instead, he continued kissing me on my jaw and then on my neck. Leaving me breathless.

He lifted himself and came back to claim my lips again. I immediately responded. My inner self is begging me.

"Sunghoon." I unconsciously moan his name, making him stop as if he came back to reality.

He looked up and met my eyes. Like me, he was catching his breath.

"Fuck! I love... it," he said suddenly. He is having a hard time saying those words. "I love it when you say my name."

He looked at me in the eye. His eyes glinted like stars in the night sky. Twinkling with mine as if we shared the same emotion.

He is my first kiss... I didn't even imagine him being my first and if the old me is here right now, I am sure she is already cursing this man to death. 

"Happy birthday, sweetheart."