A kiss to tell ( jenlisa ) (GIP)

Part 7

J

This diner isn't remarkable, but the food is. I think it's all the salt they put on everything. They even put it on the pizza.

Even though it's my favorite place to eat, I'm surprised I was able to eat anything at all.

The fear and paranoia are embarrassing. I'm fucking embarrassed I got so worked up this morning. It's just... finding that list and the nightmares really got to me. I felt like I was drowning in a childish fear that still has its claws rooted deep in my thoughts.

The fear faded to uneasiness when Lisa talked me down. Just being around her makes me feel safe and protected. If I could be with her always, I would. Because she settles something deep down inside of me. She makes me crave more. More from life, but also more from her.

A different kind of nervousness took over the moment I got into her car. The soft leather was something I didn't expect. The hum of the air conditioner and the occasional clearing of Lisa's throat were the only noises the entire ride.

This morning, I had to tell someone and she's my only someone, even if that's a pathetic truth. I didn't think twice. She didn't answer her phone, so I went to where I knew she'd be. It made every bit of sense to me at the time.

Until I slipped into her car and was engulfed in her scent. Until I peeked at her as she drove her car with an air of dominance and authority.

In a room with other people, or even in a room I'm used to being in, Lisa is still the girl who kissed me. But alone, in her car, something changed. And suddenly I lost my voice along with every thought I ever had, except for the dirty ones that crept up late at night about her doing more than just kissing me.

Today has been nothing but a series of fucked up thoughts running wild in my head.

"What's on your mind, Jennie Kim?" Her deep, rough voice breaks into my thoughts and I take my time reaching for another fry, carefully taking a bite before answering her.

"Just wondering about how much can change in a single day."

I can feel the heat rise up my chest and to my cheeks, all the way to my hairline as she leans forward, her broad shoulders stretching out the t-shirt as she tells me, "I would swear you were thinking about something else."

Her steely blue eyes seize all my attention and hold me accountable. I can barely breathe, but she doesn't need the confirmation. She's plenty full of herself already, so I simply eat the rest of the fry and shrug. I ignore the butterflies and the desire to push her for more of that teasing side of her. This is the part of her personality I've craved, but I don't want to appear desperate or say something stupid. I don't want to ruin it. I can barely believe I'm here with her. I don't even want to think about it for too long; I'm afraid if I do, it'll all go away.

Her cocky half smirk is what makes me look anywhere but at her as I try to remember how I ended up here with her.

Thoughts that I wish I hadn't tried to return to.

Remembering when my mother died, how I felt the same way. Afraid and paranoid. I felt like no one understood why I was so completely distraught. The mix of emotions never felt right, and I never had any control over them. They hit me relentlessly, like the constant blow of boughs as I was forced to run through trees in a forest. Swiping at me, scratching me, taking me by surprise. I was only a girl, but old enough to remember, old enough to know I could have done something.

"I thought I was done with all this," I tell her absently.

"How's that?" Lisa asks me with her brow furrowed and a look in her eyes that's compassionate and curious. This is how I imagined she'd look when I read those texts all that time ago. It was only an image conjured in my head because I'd never seen anything of her other than the hard, dangerous girl she wanted everyone to see.