Oscillation | (Scarlett Johansson x Daughter)

2| Mixed feelings

Reaching the doors to the coffee shop, I can't help the smile that makes its way onto my face at the thought of being at my favourite place and seeing one of my favourite people;
Raya works behind the counter of the coffee shop. She lightens up the mornings that I spend here, with her bright smile and confidence filled personality. She doesn't know that though, of course.

I walk over to my usual sitting space and realise it's occupied by a dad and his young daughter, which forms a question in my mind, but I decide against asking it. A knot forms in my stomach at the thought of sitting somewhere other than where I normally do. I was counting on my seating arrangement to give me a sense of familiarity in such an unfamiliar situation, but yet again, I'm let down.

My mind is distracted by a touch to my shoulder. I look around to feel Scarlett's fingers lightly sat on the top of my shoulder. It's an odd feeling, a feeling of care, but I soon see her left pointer finger pointing towards two free chairs and a table in the middle of the café.

I pull out the chair to take a seat, looking around, I feel uneasy at the new outlook I have on my beloved coffee shop. I don't feel hidden and private like i would tucked in the corner. I can almost feel everyone in the shop staring, but as my eyes dart around the family's and couple's also sitting down I can't help but notice nobody is actually looking at me, not even my "mother", who is focused on the stack of napkins in the middle of the small table.

I scoff at the silence between me and my "mother", reminding myself Scarlett was the one to contact me. Not me to her. So this uncomfortable feeling she was creating between us was anything but fair. I thought she wanted to talk, so why isn't she talking?

"Why did you leave me?"

The question came out more bitter than anticipated, for a second I wish to take it back; that is before an intense feeling of anger in the pit of my stomach reveals itself causing me to feel slightly nauseous at the reality of the situation. Before my thoughts manage to completely deceive me, Scarlett starts talking.

"I was young. My career had only now started to take off and I finally could see myself in something bigger than what I was doing. I contemplated it, for a long time, being a mom, but no matter how many times I told myself I could do it.. be a mom and stop my acting career, for at least the foreseeable future, I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't have been a good parent and I was not prepared to sacrifice all that I had worked so hard for when I was guaranteed you would have a perfect life with another family."

"Is that how you feel? That I just left you?"

I let out a small laugh at Scarlett's words. Her poor excuse as to why she abandoned me only makes me feel worse. Her question also manages to fuel the dislike I have towards my mother.

"Of course thats how i feel. I dont know why you would think i could feel any different. There is no point in sugar coating what happened, Scarlett. You left me. You abandoned me. You didn't want me. And quite frankly I'm still confused as to why you all of a sudden decided to get in contact with me in the first place."

Scarlett's eyebrows furrow as she listens to me. I frantically look over her face in an attempt to read what emotion she's feeling, preparing myself for the nasty comeback she may say in response. Yet my mind goes blank when all she says is:

"I'm sorry."