Everything we wanted

Chapter One

Beth sat on the porch with Carter, she saw Rip's truck pull up she smiled as Carter stood up to meet him. Beth remained in her seat a book in her hand, she watched as their son greeted Rip. "How was your day Rip?" Even though Carter has been living with them for a while he wasn't called Rip dad once, he hasn't called Beth mama since the first time. She felt bad for telling him he couldn't but she wasn't ready and now she doesn't know what she wants or if he even wants her to be his mama. "It was good why don't you get washed up while I talk to Beth for a moment?" Carter nodded walking in the house, Beth stood up from the chair laying her book down. "Beth is something wrong?" Rip asked as she walked into the house shutting the door behind him, "Nothing is wrong, just a little tired. Monica came over with Tate and he and Carter were a little wild that's all." Rip knew better, "Beth you can tell me anything you know that?" Beth nodded pointing to Carter coming from the bathroom, "Hey Carter baby can you grab the plates for me? Rip go clean up." Carter grabbed the plates from the cupboard and set them out, "Are you and Rip okay?" He asked setting the last plate down, "Of course we are why wouldn't we be?" The boy shrugged his shoulder pulling the cups out. "Can I ask you something?" Beth questioned setting the alfredo on the table, "Sure." He said taking his seat across from where Rip would sit, Rip came out of the bathroom complaining about the smell of the soap. "Later." She whispered to Carter, Rip sat down. Beth quietly dipped up the food, they ate in silence. Shortly after dinner John called Rip to the Ranch for an emergency cowboy meeting leaving Beth and Carter alone at the table.

"You wanted to ask me something earlier what was it?" Carter asked helping Beth clean up the table, Beth put the dishes down in the sink. She turned to Carter, "Remember that day in the barn when you called me mama?" He nodded regret and sadness in his eyes as he remember the words she said to him. "I know I said you couldn't call me that, I think it would be alright if you did." Carter ran into her arms, she wrapped them around him. She gripped him tighter not wanting to let him go. "Thank you mama." He said and Beth smiled at him, she knew she was ready for this. "I'll talk to Rip about what you should call him? He might feel different about being called dad, go upstairs and do what ever the hell you usually do." Carter gave her one last hug before going upstairs, when he was out of sight she let the tears fall and her mind wander to what could have been if she didn't let Jamie take her to that place.

Beth sat on the couch with her hands burying her face as she thought about what could have been her life, by this time she would have a kid around Carter's age if she didn't tell Jamie and told Rip instead. About an hour later she was still sitting on the couch when Rip came throught the house, he was covered in dirt and mud. "What happened to you?" Beth asked handing him a glass of whiskey, "You're not drinking?" He questioned figuring she would already be drinking, he didn't see her drink at dinner either. "No not tonight. I have an appointment in Salt Lake tomorrow, the last one before I transfer all my appointments here and he wants me sober." Rip laughed knowing Beth hated when she had to stay sober for a doctor appoinment or sober in general. "What did my dad have you do this time?" She asked standing up from the couch, "Nothing much he needed some help teaching this new kid how to ride." Beth nodded walking up the steps Rip trailing behind her, she stopped by Carter's room, he was passed out with his headphones on. Beth opened the door quietly walking over to where the boy laid, she carefully took the headphones off and laid them on the nightstand next to him. "Night baby." She whispered, Carter stirred and mumbled. "Night mama." Beth smiled, when she walked back to the doorway Rip stood there, she shut the door behind her. "He called you mama." Beth walked back to their bedroom, "Yeah I know, we talked about it and we agreed he could call me mama." Rip took his boots off and headed to the bathroom. He took a quick shower before getting into bed next to his wife, "There is something I would like to talk to you about, and please don't give me any crap about it." Rip threw the blanket over him, "Sure baby what is it?" She sat up relaxing her head on the headboard, "I want us to adopt Carter. I want him to share our last name, I want him to be able to call us mom and dad." She scanned his face hoping for a positive reaction. "Beth honey I know you're attacted to this boy..." He paused to take her hand but she pulled it away, "No I'm not attached I love that boy, and he loves you. When you came home he had to stop himself from calling you dad he didn't want you angry and he knows you aren't ready but baby he's like our son and I want him to feel like he is." She stood up out of their bed walking down the hall to Carter's room, she was surprised when she saw him awake. "Carter baby what are you doing up?" She sat in the car across from his bed, he turned so he was facing her as he laid there. "I heard you and Rip, it's okay if he doesn't want me I understand."

Beth's heart broke, she crawled into bed next to him pulling him close to her, she stroked his hair as she tried to think of what to say. "Rip is a complicated man, he doesn't show his feelings well. I see how much he's changed around you, it's not that he doesn't want you. He didn't have great role models growing up he's scared to take on that role. But even if he decides he doesn't want to adopt you I do and I'm going to change is mind eventually." Carter soon fell back to sleep in Beth's arms, Rip knocked on the door before opening it. He saw his wife stroking Carter's hair as he slept. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" He asked, Beth carefully got out of bed to not wake Carter, she led them outside so Carter wouldn't be upset this time. "I've already said what I had to say there is nothing else to say Rip." He shushed her, "Beth shut the fuck up and let me talk okay?" She nodded, she sat down on the porch looking at the darkness surrounding the house. "It's not that I don't want Carter, I'm not parent material. I do want to adopted him I just don't know how good of a bad I'm going to be." Beth jumped up into his arms, "Thank you baby and you are going to be fine, we've already done an amazing job. I love you and Carter loves you."

Rip smiled, he was happy that she talked to him about this before she decided to randomly just adopted him. "You know I can't go to the courthouse and adopted him." Beth nodding explaining her plan to him. Later that night Beth fell asleep while Rip sat in Carter's room watching his son sleep.