LF Friends, Will Travel

A diplomatic rush job

There was a pause as she seemed to glance up for a moment, directing my own view to the upper levels of the station. I could see the heads of the Ion Technoratti all looking down at us from behind the windows of the room I'd just left 20 minutes before, animatedly talking and pointing in our direction as the Terran continued to talk.

"Their plan is simple. Kick you out, make you sweat, force you to come grovelling back to them. Unfortunately for them, I'm not yet registered as a diplomat on the system, so they had no idea a Terran was on the station. That means as soon as they realize who I am, they're going to contact you once again, maybe even offer you your original deal again."

Almost on cue, I felt my pocket start buzzing as my GalNet connector went off. Slowly I reached into my pocket, seeing the familiar contact of one of the Technoratti heads.

"If you answer that and agree to their terms, we can no longer talk without starting a war. The Terran Alliance and the Ion Technoratti have a 'no touching each other's shit' agreement. But right now you're a free agent, they officially kicked you out and can now look at other options. Somehow based on your very public screaming, I don't think you're currently very happy."

Not very happy was an understatement. The Schuvva hated their current agreement with a rage-filled passion. Slowly I reached into my pocket and turned off the device, silencing it.

"I'm listening."

I jumped again as Claire gave a clap of those meaty appendages, a smile brimming across her face as she did so.

"Good man. Your parliament is on holiday right now, so you're going to have to call an emergency Section 9-AC meeting, get the following pieces of legislation passed, and then sign and agree to become a Terran Alliance Prospective member."

As the Terran spoke she started handing me bill after bill, placing documents into my paws. I started down at them, the intricate documents written in our native languages a perfect replication of a proposed law change to be voted upon by parliament.

"What, what are these? Why do you have these? How do you have these?"

Claire just shrugged, as if providing legal law-making documentation for a completely different species was a completely normal everyday situation.

"We've had these plans around for a while, we just couldn't act on them until you were a free agent. These are the bills you're going to need to get passed, ASAP, so you can join the Terran Alliance as fast as possible. The good news is your laws are already mostly compatible, you just need to get rid of the slavery stuff that was forced on you, We don't accept slavery in the Terran Alliance and Debt bondage is just slavery with a nice hat on it."

I couldn't help but feel more confused. That didn't help explain what was going on at all. Passing laws, alliances, everything just felt like a blur. I held out my paws, feeling my voice raise slightly as I spoke in frustration.

"Sorry, just what in the stars are you offering exactly, what is the Terran Alliance, What the grazes is going on!"

Claire seemed to give a sheepish smile, slightly deflating a little from the thousand-miles-an-hour energetic whirlwind of enthusiasm that had been speaking.

"Whoops, knew I missed something, I just got so excited at the neat bureaucratic process we got going on here. So the Terran Alliance is a grouping of 425 species, hopefully soon to be 426. This comes with military protection with a shared defence clause, free movement between all Terran Alliance members, and far-reduced export taxes between members. You would be a prospective member for one year, which has a few limitations but none of them relevant."

I couldn't help but frown. This crazy new species was offering supposedly everything we ever needed and wanted. It seemed too good to be true, as if we were being rushed into accepting yet another terrible deal.