Sound Of Peace

.2.

Looking down at my phone then back at the building. A huge knot forms in my stomach and my palms are sweaty. Finn did what he said he would. His girlfriend contacted her friend and now I have an appointment in about five minutes. Finn sent me an encouraging text this morning which only helped a little bit.

With a deep breath I walk in. It was quiet except for the small murmurs at the front desk. To my left was the seating area which only had two other people. I wait behind the man talking to the lady but keep my distance because it sounds personal. He sounds very scared or mad I can't decide which one. After a few minutes the man pushes past me stomping out the door.

"Hello" I look at the lady who smiles at me. "H-Hi, uhm...I have an appointment set up. My name is Victoria Sydney" The lady looks down at a tablet she has scrolling through what looks like a list. She looks up at me with the same smile, "right on time Ms.Sydney. Gabriella will come out shorty" She says. I nod and head over to the seating area taking a seat in the far corner for some quiet. I can do this. All I have to do is talk to her, she will say I'm fine and that I can go and everything will be okay.

I wipe my sweaty hand on my jeans then grab my white clip from my bag and clip up my blonde hair. I was going to keep it down today but it's getting to hot and I can't stand it down right now.

"Victoria?" My head snaps up towards the doorway. A beautiful women stands in front of the door in a clean white suit holding a small journal. Her midnight black hair is in a tight bun not a single hair out of place. Her skin looks smooth and an olive color. I shake out of my daze and stand up shuffling over to stand in front of her. "That's me" She gives a small smile and holds out her hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Gabriella" She introduces with a gentle voice. I take her hand giving a small shake before letting go.

"Follow me" She says then turns, opens the door and begins walking her heels clicking on the tile. We walk until we reach the end of the hall. She opens the last door on the left holding it open for me. I step into the room looking around it looks like a living room just with a desk and laptop. There was one couch and two arm chairs angled in front of it. The couch was white while the chairs were a cool grey color.

"You can take a seat on the couch" I nod my head and walk over sitting down. It was soft which I wasn't expecting. Gabriella does something out of my view since the couch is facing away from the desk but returns in front of me. She sits in one of the arm chairs, crosses her legs and sets a yellow notepad on her thigh.

"Just some things to clarify, nothing said in this room will leave unless you give me permission and I do not judge at all. You are free to talk to me about anything, that is what I am here for okay?" She asked with a gentle smile. "Y-Yeah, okay" I stutter looking down at my hands.

"What brought you here Victoria?" My head snaps up meeting Gabriella's dark brown eyes. Warmth spreads through my body as she holds eye contact. I try looking for any judgment that may be in her eyes but all I see is genuine concern. "My brother...he-he wants me to get help" I answer. She stays quiet probably thinking there is more but there isn't. I am doing this for my brother nothing else.

"I see and why does your brother want you to get help?" She asked. I begin chewing on my bottom lip as my palms get sweaty again. "I don't need it...I don't need..." I squeeze my eyes shut and lower my head. "I'm fine. Everything is fine" I mumble. I can't do it. I should have never agreed. "Victoria" Her voice is closer. "Take a deep breath for me" Her voice is so nice and soothing. I do as she says taking a deep breath and letting it out. My racing heart calms and my body doesn't feel as tight. "I know it can be hard to share what happened but if we can maybe it will be good for you. A weight could be lifted and this feeling of helplessness will disappear" She whispers softly which helps so much.

"I'm such a fucking mess. Everything fell apart and it's all my fault" I whimper my eyes filling with tears. "That's is why I am here Victoria. I'm here to help" She says. "No, you don't understand. I ruined everything! All because I couldn't stand being yelled at by someone I was close to" It was quiet again. "Okay, this is what we are going to do" Her voice is far away probably over at her desk. "I want you to write down everything that you are feelings right now" I look up right as a open notebook and pen appears in front of my face.

I take it and set it on my lap while Gabriella sits back on the arm chair. "All of them?" I ask staring at the blank paper. She nods.

Okay...I can do that. I open the pen and begin writing every single feeling I feel.

Anger
Guilt
Hurt
Fear
Anxious
Sadness

I look back up at her and close the pen, "now what?" I ask.
"Pick one word and explain to me why you feel it"
I look down at the paper with the six words I wrote my gut twisting. I have felt all of these before sometimes all at the same time. I hate the feeling of them. If I have to talk about it they will come up again. "I-I can't" I mutter closing my eyes. "Victoria do you want to try next time? It sometimes can take a few visits until we talk about personal things" Gabriella says. Why is her voice so freaking soft!? No ones voice sound be so soothing. Reopening my eyes she take the notebook closing it so she doesn't see what I wrote. "Okay" I mumble standing up.

"I'm sorry for not-"
"Don't be sorry, like I said it takes a few visits to begin opening up" I shut my mouth watching the beautiful women turn to me with a smile. "I want you here in a few days okay?" She asked. I nod my head but I'm unsure if I will come back. I stand and walk to the door ready to leave. "Have a good day Victoria" I hear her say before I walk out.

When I get back to the apartment Poppy is seated on the couch eating pizza. "Hey" she greets. I toss my bag on the coffee table and sit down next to her. I let out a long sigh closing my eyes and resting my head on the cushions. "Long day?" Poppy asked. I hear the sound of the TV vanish so I look up seeing she muted it. "Something like that" I mutter. I hear my phone start ringing and I just know it's Finn. He probably wants to know what happened with the therapist. Ignoring the call I grab a piece of pizza taking a large bite. Poppy doesn't ask anymore questions and goes back to her TV show while I eat the slice of pizza.

I get caught up in the TV show and don't realize that it's late. I grab my bag when standing and walk to my room. I have a job interview tomorrow at a movie theater. It's not much but it's something. I dropped out of college after everything happened and I don't know if I want to go back. Finn is the college graduate in our family. Top of his class for medical school. Now he is an amazing doctor. I could never live up to being someone so important.