strays, bsd

─ FOOD COMATOSE, rampoe

edogawa rampo/edgar allan poe
03112022

★

Poe was (is) panicking. Before him is his rival-turned-to-partner, face slammed into a plastic plate that was once full of cavity-inducing treats Poe made in his very own kitchen. He was in the midst of his ramble about Dazai Osamu and his awful tricks when he suddenly stopped and ─ just... stopped.

Poe is not at all confident in his cooking or baking skills. He's not bad per se, he just thinks he could improve more before he starts giving it around (he would trust Karl more with dinner than him).

Of course this falls upon deaf ears to Edogawa, and he had been pestered the past week for him to taste his cooking. There were too many ingredients for sweet candies stocked away in his cabinets and unfortunately, they were both aware Edogawa's more helpless in the culinary arts than Poe is.

Either the treats were edible (but horrible!) or Edogawa was poisoned by his own hands. Poe decided the first choice was better by a landslide ─ except, now he was having second thoughts as he watched Edogawa lay limp in front of him.

Karl left his station on his shoulders to lightly tap the detective awake, to which Edogawa remained unresponsive to.

"Rampo-kun? Rampo-kun?" Poe mutters nervously, his anxiety spiking as he feels more and more pairs of eyes curiously look at the scene. He shakes Edogawa with Karl. "Rampo-kun, please!"

They were outside his mansion, peacefully enjoying a date at a nearby carnival Edogawa demanded to visit. Crowded areas was not Poe's forte, but he had been able to endure it with Edogawa's cuteness but now that his distraction was ─

"...Is he dead?" Poe whispers to Karl. He did not think his heartbeat could rise any faster, but he proves himself wrong as he spirals with the possibility he actually poisoned Edogawa.

In an attempt to hide what might be Edogawa's corpse, Poe tucks him under his arm, draping his cape over the other's head and effectively making it look like he was just quietly sleeping. His heart would have raced at the sight if it wasn't already running at its limit (it was because of a very bad reason though.)

Poe presses a finger on Edogawa's neck, almost passing out himself in relief when he feels a pulse against his skin. He was not dead, Poe was not a widower and a murderer.

...Or that much of a bad baker, but that was the least of his worries.

He was not sure how and why Edogawa passed out so suddenly though. Poe had kept a careful eye on what Edogawa had been consuming all night, if someone had spiked his drink ─ Poe's blood runs cold at the thought.

Edogawa is the pillar of the Agency... Surely their enemies would have sent assassins for him so their forces are weakened, right?

Poe looks around worriedly. No one stood out; no one behaved oddly ─ okay, not an assassination attempt! He should know, he was still a detective after all, not on par with Edogawa but still, a talented one nonetheless! (He hopes).

Should he call someone? Poe chews on his lip as he mulls over the future outcomes. If he were to call 119: it would be just embarrassing if it isn't as serious as he thought. Poe would never be able to call them again if that was the case!

If Poe were to call any of his friends at the Guild: they wouldn't ever let this situation down if it isn't as serious as he thought. Poe would never be able to face them at work again if that was the case!

If he were to call any of Edogawa's contacts: that would require snooping into the latter's phone, which should make him a horrible boyfriend. Poe would never be able to face Edogawa again! (Plus, what if the Agency thought he killed him like he had originally intended to when he came to Japan? That was the worst scenario yet.)

He is snapped out of his spiralling thoughts when Karl perches himself in his hair, his little hands scratching on Poe's scalp. "Yes, Karl?" Poe pulls Edogawa along with him as he reclines in his chair, wiping the specks of cream and sprinkles that adorned the areas around Edogawa's mouth.

Karl's tail gently pats at his phone and Poe, without hesitation, gives it to him. Karl was smarter than most racoons, Poe would sometimes believe that he was an Ability user able to transform into a raccoon with how human Karl acted.

When his phone is handed back to him, Google is displayed on his screen and Poe immediately catches on. He offers Karl a piece of his saltine crackers before rapidly typing Edogawa's condition in the search bar.

[ ny rival passed out what do ii do ]

The results do not help in soothing his worries ─ various articles suggested Edogawa may have had a seizure, was anemic or had hypoglycemia. Poe was sure seizures had distinct signs, like blank staring or confused speech, both of which Edogawa failed to show before fainting.

If Edogawa was anemic, he would have told him already, right? If not, Yosano would have alerted Poe about it, so that was out of question. Hypoglycemia was also out with how often Edogawa consumed pure glucose... unless that was why he ate so much?

But he was just eating some, why would ─ oh.

Oh god, he was an idiot. How was he the author of so many mysteries, but was incapable of solving as something as simple and trivial as this?

[ wht to do if someone has postprandial somnolence ]

Or food comatose, but he figures Edogawa's dignity would suffer if he were to call it by that title.

Poe was ready to smack himself for not thinking of that conclusion sooner, but he shoves it away to the back of his mind. Right now, Edogawa is still unconscious in his arms, so his main priority should be is to get him home safely.

Since Edogawa already succumbed to sleepiness, it was already useless to offer him water or get him to walk. So home was the most obvious choice now. (Poe wouldn't have to deal with other people too.)

Poe sighs before he cleans up their table, checks if Edogawa's hat was snug on his head and double-checks both of their belongings. Karl helps with collecting trash and disposing of it, bless him. Once Poe is sure nothing was left behind (and that there were really no assassins after Edogawa), he mounts Edogawa on his back and leaves the bustling fair.

He unlocks his car and does his best to not rattle Edogawa so much as he sets him down the passenger seat, securing the seatbelt over his chest. Karl jumps off his arm and curls himself up on the backseat, later accompanied by Poe's bag and Edogawa's leftovers (which Karl munched on while Poe was driving).

It is said that a food coma could last for two or six hours, but it was already night so Poe is sure it would just be an early goodnight for Edogawa. Shame he didn't get him to read his newest draft, but it wasn't a big deal.

Poe glances at the sleeping figure beside him when the traffic light turns red, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. "You really are a handful, huh, Rampo-kun?"

───

Poe was awakened to Edogawa shifting in his arms at 4AM, the latter looking around the bedroom with confusion written all over his face. Before Poe could speak up and explain, Edogawa flops back to his side, his arms wrapping around Poe's waist.

"You saw nothing," Edogawa mumbles sleepily. Poe just nods. The warmth in his face is hidden with the lack of light, but as usual, it doesn't go unnoticed by Edogawa.

He doesn't say anything about it though, just cups his cheeks before pressing his lips on Poe's forehead, intensifying the heat under his skin. "You didn't poison me by your cooking, by the way. Stop thinking about it."

"...I'm not."

"Liar."

"Go back to sleep!"

"Stop your self-deprecation first, I can literally feel it. I ate so much of it that I passed out, doesn't that mean it's great?"

"...Just... Don't do that again, I almost had a heart attack."