Destined Future (COMPLETE)

Chapter Twenty Two~ Mia Cara

I wanted to snap, yell and scream in my mothers face till my voice became raspy and tears were streaming down my face but instead I bit my tongue and chose not to reply to her question about my marriage. A marriage that overwhelms me everyday.

"So, how are you Aaliyah?" Oh screw this.

"There's no way your asking me this, after disappearing for YEARS, you decide to waltz back in like everything is the same, like we're all some happy fucking family?"

Her eyes snap to mine and hurt swarms her eyes. Good. I grab the cutting board and take the freshly washed tomato into my hand.

"I had to do what I had to do, Mia cara. Please just forgive me." She pleads softly through her soft sobs. I restrain myself from rolling my eyes, even though I was so pissed.

So angered that she left me to fend for myself, she was still my mom. Still the woman who held me as I cried, helped me through my first heartbreak, helped me make my first meal, everything. But then she left.

"You. Left." I chopped the tomato aggressively, almost cutting off my own finger as I was cutting the tomato. "And I thought about you every single day, Aaliyah."

I wanted more than just thoughts, I wanted her to be there. Be a present mother for her daughter that felt unloved by her father, brother and mother.

A love from a mother can't be replaced, and when you don't gain enough love from either parents, you spend your whole god damn life trying so hard to find people to stand there alongside you and love you for who you are because your own parents decided not to.

They weren't forced to treat me as if I was a burden, but they chose to. My dad's love is all I craved when my mama and brother left me, I tried so hard to please him. Agreed with everything he said, even when he was throwing things at the walls, even when he'd snap at me. I begged for love, tried so hard to meet his impossible standards and yet I was still the 'ungrateful daughter' .

He can't see that I've been trying for the last 25 years, for 25 years all I wanted was for him to hug me and tell me, good job kid! Or fuck tell me congrats when I graduated university.

Even better, show up to when I graduated university. How I celebrated the night was locking myself in my room till I cried myself to sleep. Nobody showed, not Zane, not my mama, not my brother, not my dad. It felt heartbreaking, it felt like my world was crashing down and everything wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to have them, have them love me.

"I didn't do anything for you to desert me, for papa to show hatred towards me instead of love. I didn't do anything, n-nothing at all." A sob broke through me. I dropped the knife as tears flooded my eyes. "Why couldn't you just love me, mama?" A question no daughter should have to ask her own mother.

Why was I crying, giving her a reaction when all she did was ask me simple questions like she never left. Like she never abandoned me. I don't understand. I don't understand. I quickly wiped my tears away from my face, tears that my mama didn't deserve. I'm sitting in the middle of hatred and love for her, between chaos and comfort. She's chaos, so is my father.

Who's my comfort?

"Let's just set the table, Aaliyah." She mumbles, taking a large serving bowl full of pasta out of the kitchen. I was being pathetic, wasn't I? Begging for this care, this love that wont come my way? It's been 25 years, I should've just given up but there will always be a part of me who still craves that love.

Taking the other large dish that was in fact cheesy lasagna, I held it tightly as I walked out of the kitchen. I knew that my tears weren't going to show, my greatest talent is that nobody can tell when I cried.