Bro figuring out like- my sexual preferences is prolly the hardest part of any of this like-
Idk for the longest time I convinced myself I was attracted to girls but I'm really not 😭 and I never really was 💀
Don't get me wrong women are great and beautiful and amazing, I'm just not attracted to them. I don't understand gay guys who can't just respect women like??? What is ur problem-
But once I figured out I'm only attracted to guys that was only like 10% of it. I DON'T WANNA BE ATTRACTED TO MEN PLEASE 😭😭 But I am, and like I mean I love men they're great it's just that some of them aren't so great-
Like I have so much fucking trauma that it'll take YEARS of therapy to be able to date a cis guy.
Me and my bf are trying to figure out how to meet in person, and there's this bus that you sleep in and everything. And it's cheaper than taking a plane and having to pay everyone back for gas and then also trying to get people to wake up hella early so I'm not late to the airport.
But even then- my first thought was what if a guy tries something with me? Or even worse, my bf. I'm 5'2 but I'm like 180 lbs so I can us the force of my body weight. (And I have cousins that are basically My sibling so wresseling was a common occurrence) My bf is just a skinny little guy, and I'm not saying if ur skinny ur weak but he's like teeny except he's 5'6.
Id imagine you can have more self defense things on the bus like pepper spray and possibly a pocket/utility knife. But especially with a utility knife, they're tiny and van be used for multiple things. Sure it's not gonna cause much damage but if that's the only option then it works yk.
But anygays back to the sexual part lmao 💀 it's also really difficult with my bf bc of personal things. With him being dom is really easy. Like it just come naturally and like we've talked abt it and when (or if) we do eventually do anything sexual he wantnit to be gentle and I feel like in a sexual setting I wouldn't be able to be rough with anyone.
Like I would just feel bad. Even though I wanna be absolutely destroyed. Ruined, even. But I just hate the thought of hurting anyone and even when I am more dominant, I'm more like- nurturing than like trying to take control yk-
But I mean I also prefer receiving rather than giving but like I'm a mega bottom 💀 but like with him he's just my perfect little baby and I love him so much 😭
But he's like somewhere on the ace spectrum and I'm hypersexual. And I'm just so scared that he'll feel forced into it just bc I'm so yk- but I always always tell him that we don't have to do anything if he doesn't wanna. And I will not do anything until I hear a "yes, please, yeah". Otherwise I won't do shit.
Even though I have a CNC kink myself. Bro I wanna be woken up to being touched SO FUCKING BAD. I wanna be overstimmed so bad. I want someone to have me crying and begging for them to stop.
But, moving along, the whole point of this rant was just that I'm frustrated. And I'm annoyed that I'm so picky with my people but it's also to protect my peace so yk-.
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I'm fucking hilarious and you can't convince me otherwise 😫😫😘
