It Is What It Is (Sequel to TSC)

Chapter 2

"Hello Nichole," both Isabel's parents greet me. I want to roll my eyes but I smile and walk away with Theo so they can be alone with their daughter.

Once we are out of the gathering room, we plop onto a nearby wooden bench. Theo and I sit in silence for awhile. It's oddly comforting. He breaks the silence, "what are you thinking about?"

I turn my head to him, "I don't know. Everything and anything, I guess." Theo smiles and stares at out the window.

Isabel's parents step into the hallway hand to hand. I glance at them and quickly turn my head back. They stride to us and her mother says, "We wanted to keep it short and sweet. I didn't know you had a boyfriend! What's his name?" I slightly blush as Theo stands up to shake her hand.

"Ur, um, we're not dating. He has a girlfriend." I inform them.

Theo tilts his head to face me and says, "It's never stopped me before," he winks," My name is Theo, and it is so nice to meet you." I laugh and cover my face with my hands.

"Well aren't you just a jokester! Hopefully we will see you later today," she smiles and they both walk away. When Theo sits back down, I playfully punch him in the arm.

"Ow! Why the hell would you do that?" he complains.

I roll my eyes, "Why the hell did you say that?"

He laughs and smirks, "I think we both know that answer. He winks again.

"Oh my god, stop!" I hit him again and we are both laughing. "You are terrible!" I say.

"Shhh! We are supposed to be serious." He tells me. I roll my eyes at him again.

We sit on bench for what feels like hours staring out the window and talking about random things. That one thing love about Theo. No matter what is happening at that moment, he can distract me from all the bad things in my life. I've only truly known him for two weeks and he's only seen me at my worst but he still hangs around. I feel like I can trust him with almost everything. He brings a positive energy with him wherever he goes, and he never wavers from it.

We continue to sit until people start to march in. I don't know anyone so I stick with Theo.

The funeral is only going to last for 2 hours. Everyone says goodbye and lies about how much they will miss their Isabel. It is sick. Her parents and I wrote eulogies for her. I tried to be loving and sentimental, but unfortunately, I'm not that kind of person. Once they say what they need to say, which was lies, it's my turn.

I drag myself to podium. Theo gives me a thumbs up and I start to speak.

"Hi, I'm Nichole, Isabel's best friend," I take a deep breath before I continue, "She was my only friend. She knew everything about me. What I love most about her is the fact that she would always say the perfect thing in any situation. Once you got to know her, she had this vibe that energized any room she was in. when I first met her, I knew she was different. She was realistic. Everyone thought she was being negative but she was always right. She didn't trust many people because she was tired of getting let down. I feel honored to know that she cared about me. She was willing die for me. The funny thing is, when I told her that, she laughed and said that she willing to die for me, she was willing to take a bullet for me, as if a bullet couldn't kill her. She had this strong sense of humor that everyone loved. She was loved. I wish I could take her place but I can't, and I have to get over that." I take another deep breath, wipe my tears, and try to finish without breaking down, "I love her with all my heart, and nothing will change that, no matter where she is. Every morning, my first thought will of her, her smile, her laugh, her sarcasm, and her personality. She will be the best person and friend I will ever know. One of her favorite songs is Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. Why? The song talks about how he doesn't want everyone to know who he was because no one would ever understand. I know who she was, and I finally understand." I smile as tears roll down my face. As I walk back to my seat, Iris plays. I will never be able to listen to this song with out thinking of her. I won't be able to listen to any song without thinking about her.

And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's meant to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

Is this how it is going to be for the rest of my life, depressed, thinking of her in everything I do, wishing I could take her place? It should be me. People care about her! No cares about me! This is bullshit. I just don't get it. It was my fault she died. I should've listened to her and put the gun down! What was I thinking? I could be the hero? I could save the day? I didn't save the day! I destroyed a life! I killed her! I killed my best friend and now I can't do anything but live in regret! How am I going to deal with myself? Theo sets his arm around my shoulders as I bury my face into his chest. The guy finishes talking and a video starts to play. Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab plays in the background and pictures of Isabel show. So far, there's been a couple with me but mostly with her family when she was little. Theo squeezes my shoulder when a picture of Isabel and I in the hospital shows up? When did they take that picture? I scoot myself closer to Theo and forget about the picture. Now is not the time to pick a fight. I continue watching the video until I can no longer take it. I hide my face in Theo's shirt and silently cry as hard as I can. The video ends and no one says anything.

What is there to even say? More lies? Isabel's dad walks up with tears in his eyes to tell us to take a rose on our way out. The roses are remarkably beautiful. Solid black roses mixed with silky white roses. Theo and I make our way to a pile of roses. I pick two white roses and three black roses. I plan to dry them so I can have them for a long time. Theo grabs a black rose and we both exit the building. The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day, like nothing bad could happen on a pretty day like this. But we had a funeral. I had to attend a funeral for the person who means the most to me. Theo and I stop at near by bench.

"You can talk to me, Nichole," he reassures me. I know I can talk to him. With Isabel gone, I trust him most.

"Trust me. I know, I know. I can't find anything to say," I whisper to him because my voice can't go any higher.

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