My head is usually spinning in the morning, chaos twisting and turning my brain around, the only thing I can hear and see being static. Today was worse than usual, but through the loud buzzing in my ears I could faintly hear my parents shouting downstairs. I try to bring my focus back to the real world, ignoring the loud noises and the blurry veil over my eyes, slowly getting a clearer look at the mess around my room - papers and clothes scattered everywhere, dust, dirt and various spilled substances on the floor. I'd kept on saying I'd clear out my room, but every time I try to get to it (which is usually at night) dizziness overcomes me and I don't have any other choice but to lay down. My parents' argument becomes slightly clearer as I get down from bed, grabbing some less dirty clothes off my floor to get dressed for school. It's the usual argument, reason being my dad being a drunk asshole and the fact they're basically on the brink of divorce, and obviously that it's my fault that their relationship is shit and so on. Okay. By the time my dad storms out of the house, I'm ready to exit my room.
I scoff at the unbearable stench of cigarette smoke in the hall as I make my way towards the bathroom, backpack in hand, too unbothered to go back for it. My house is this old, kind of run down house that my parents bought when they were still young and in love - it used to look a lot better back then but time
does things both to people and buildings - and they've lived here ever since, as have I, my whole life. It's not very clean, there being mouldy corners in the hall, especially the bathroom. Nobody really bothers to clean it up anymore. Nobody bothers to do anything in here anymore. I wash up a little and stare at myself in the mirror for a while, as if i'm going to see something new.
I get a terrible chill down my spine as my eyes lock with mirror me's eyes. It has been about a month since I've picked up a book about the occult and have read through it regularly, and I'll have to admit that it has changed things around me, but also in me. I've started to see and notice certain patterns that could relate to the supernatural, which has only peaked my interest more in this whole domain, making me read more and practice more things which in result starts this cycle. So odd appearances have become pretty usual lately, but they still startle me a little.
As I'm looking into my own eyes, my face slowly starts to twist and cave in, the air around me turning cold and the room starting to spin. I hold onto the sink, continuing to stare into the mirror. I'm not afraid, I want to see what else could happen. My head starts to pulse and the room starts going dark, but I can still see clearly. I can't tell if I'm moving or if it's just my reflection, but it's swaying from side to side in a pretty disturbing manner. I hold myself steady on the sink and it continues, clearing up my confusion. I can't see my face anymore. There's a loud buzzing in my ears and i can feel something bitter building in my throat.
I'm taken out of my phase once I lean over the sink, violently coughing out blood. My throat hurts as I'm wretching out massive splashes of red into the sink, my head pounding, struggling to keep myself on my feet.
I wash my face with cold water, clear out my throat, ignore the dizziness and I'm all well by the time I get to school.
My school life is usually uneventful, as I don't have friends, same routine repeating every day. Today, however, is different.
I'm outside at the back of the school, where I usually sit during breaks or when I'm skipping, reading my current book and breathing in skimpy puffs of my cigarette. Nobody usually comes back here, but today, a girl my age, with shoulder dark brown hair and messily cut bangs. She looks about as tired as me, cheeks caved in and eyebrows furrowed. Her clothes are hanging sloppily on her, too big for her frame - they look like they've been borrowed from somebody way older than her. She notices me and walks towards me, a knot suddenly getting stuck in my throat.
'Hello,' she smiles to me. 'Do you mind if I sit with you?' she points next to me. I nod quickly, feeling nervous about this interaction. She sits pretty close to me, though she quickly leans even closer.
'What are you reading??' She's a lot more hyper than she looks. I show her the cover of my book, ''Acts of Desperation'' by Megan Nolan, and she nods understandingly.
'I've never heard of this.' She says bluntly after a long pause, which makes me giggle. She laughs too. 'What is it about?' she then asks, with actual interest.
I give her an overall summary, telling her that the book is about an unnamed irish lady, who navigates her toxic relationship with a man, his coldness equal to his beauty, named Ciaran. It piques her interest, so I keep going, telling her the main topics of the book - sexual assault and harassment, addiction, eating disorders and obsession.
'That sounds really interesting. I'm not much of a reader but I would quite enjoy that.' she laughs a little. 'I'm Enise by the way.' she extends her hand to me. I take it into mine, shaking it. Her hands felt rough and boney.
I think for a moment. 'Alyona.' I smile at her. 'I could borrow you the book once I'm done with it if you'd like. If you don't mind my little annotations'
Her face lights up; she lets go of my hand.
'Really?? That would be so cool.'
'It's settled then.' I think it may be stupid for me to think this, but I can't help but hope for a friendship with this Enise. What a pretty name she has. We spend a bit more time together, as she makes me tell her more things about the book I'm reading - and I can't help but go into extensive detail about everything. She watches me smoke another cigarette while I talk, interest sparkling in her eyes. As i look at her I can't help but see a strangely mature understanding in her young eyes. It makes me wonder who exactly is she? She interrupts me every now and then with small remarks about the characters actions and I can tell she relates to them, which makes me happy, as so do I.
We promise to meet again here as the bell rings and we have to go on our separate ways.
