Love, Taylor | TS

Forty-One

I closed my eyes, trying to keep my breathing steady. She was always saying things like that but it never meant anything to her. I knew better now. 

"Please, Rory. Can we talk?"

"We're talking," I muttered.

"In person," she clarified.

"Taylor..." I sighed softly, feeling my throat tighten.

"I'm going to be at Starbucks at one either way. The one we always go to," she told me. "I hope you come."

She ended the call first.

I buried my face in my pillow and screamed.

I did stand up calmly afterwards though and I made my way back downstairs like nothing had happened.

"I'm going out later," I informed Nana who I found in the living room with a book open in her lap.

"Honey, I thought you wanted to help out at the shelter with me and your aunt?"

Oh, that was today. I sighed and nodded. "Still am. I'll just meet you there afterwards."

"Alright, well, drop me off at Annie's, then?"

"Sure, Nana. I'm going to go shower."

After getting ready, I dropped Nana off at my aunt's place first and then drove to the same Starbucks that Taylor and I always preferred. Usually, we would get our drinks from the drive-through window before cruising through town in my car. Not this time.

I spotted her car in the parking lot outside, a few spaces down from me. I stayed in my car for a while though, debating whether I should go inside or not. No one was forcing me to, but I wanted to see her. I did. Despite everything. I still wanted to see her.

So I did. I got out of the car and trudged to the entrance, my hands digging deep inside my pockets.

When I walked in, Taylor looked up, her eyes wide. They were so blue... I wanted to turn around and leave but I stayed put because she smiled at me.

I hated myself and I hated her for having that effect on me. Except, I didn't. I couldn't hate her. Why couldn't I have this one thing for myself? Why couldn't I hate her?

"I— I didn't think you were gonna come," she admitted. Her fingers twitched around her cup of coffee and I could tell she was debating whether she should have hugged me or not. She didn't though and I was glad.

"Well, I did."

I tried my best to keep my voice as emotionless as possible. I didn't want her to know just how badly she had hurt me. I didn't want her to know just how vulnerable she made me. So I kept my guard up. I sat down and I crossed my arms over my chest and I looked at anything but her face.

"I got you a coffee already," she said, pushing the tray further toward me. "And their strawberry cheesecake. I know how much you like it."

"Thanks."

Taylor looked down at the slice of cake between us. Neither one of us touched it.

"Well, thanks for making the time to see me," she said softly, licking her lips. "How... how have you been?"

I forced a smile. "Great. You?"

"Not good, honestly," she admitted and that made me clench my jaw. "Your Nana, is she good? And Billy's graduating this year, right?"

"Yeah. They're good. Everyone's... good."

I knew the small talk was killing her. She hated it. She hated that I had my walls up and I was only giving her single-word answers. I didn't even give her this cold a shoulder the first day we met, when I didn't even know her.