biggest fan

seventy one

"i don't know, bev. obviously i'm excited but-"

"but what?" bev said, cutting eddie off seconds before he told her what. eddie rolled his eyes, shifting in his spot on the couch and switching his phone from his left ear to his right.

"but," eddie said, loudly, before changing his tone back to normal. "i'm nervous about, you know. last time they did a tour. didn't exactly end very well for richie and i."

"that was kind of your fault." eddie could hear bev jingling her keys.

"woah, okay, no. i had my reasons, and they were valid, and everyone always wants to act like i just did it for fun." eddie huffed, upset that bev would even make it about that.

"i'm not jumping you, i'm just saying that it won't be like last time if you don't make it like last time." eddie pondered on this for a moment, sure that she was right.

"okay, but what if something comes up again? i cant handle being the bad guy again. it was like hell trying to get richies fans to leave me alone the first time, they're going to eat me alive if something happens this time."

"don't make it like last time." bev repeated.

a silence filled the air between them before bev spoke again. 

"i'm not saying you weren't valid. if i didn't think you were valid, i wouldn't have defended your choices to richie every time you were brought up for months. i think you made the best decision for you, but i also think things are different now."

"how so?"

"you and richie are more serious this time. you're more than a groupie now. it's clear to both of you that it wasn't a fling, it was genuine, and you don't have to run away or hide from him anymore. if something is wrong, you can communicate that."

"yeah, but last time i tried to communicate why i didn't want to continue on tour, and he didn't get it."

"yeah. yeah, that's true."

"i just, i just don't think that's the life for me, bev. it's fun for a while but i don't like being on the road all the time. but i think that he thinks that if i don't stay with him for the entire thing, that it means that i don't support him and his dreams, or that i don't love him and want to be around him."

"that sounds like a possession issue."

"i don't know. i don't think it's that. like i don't think he's jealous or thinks i'd cheat on him while he's away. i think he just gets lonely and thinks i hate his career."

"well, do you?"

"of course not." eddie sighed. he really didn't.

eddie wanted to be supportive, he loved seeing richie achieve his dreams. he loved watching richie do what he loved to do. but it wasn't eddie's dream life. eddie didn't want to be a rockstar.

"are you sure?"

"yes, beverly. i'm sure. i just think he doesn't understand that we're two different people and that just because i don't want to live that life doesn't mean that i don't love him and want him to live it."

"have you told him that?"

"i tried when i left. i don't think he understands."

"are you coming with us then?"

"i want to. i think it's fun for a while, im just nervous that i'll start getting homesick and want to leave, and it'll break his heart."

"leave as in go home, or leave as in him?"

"you know what i mean. i never wanted it to be a breakup, bev."

"but you made it a break up."

"i didn't on purpose." and eddie didn't.

despite the contrary belief, eddie didn't want to break up with richie. he just needed to go home. he wasn't a rockstar, he couldn't just drop everything because richie was. he just didn't convey that well enough.

"you guys are better now, ed's. you'll be able to talk it out, you know you will be."

"yeah, you're right."

"okay well, i'm on my way to you. i'll get you and we can meet the guys at the office?"

"sounds good to me."

eddie felt awful for feeling the way he did. he didn't know why he couldn't just enjoy it for richie. people would kill to be in his position. dating a famous musician, traveling for free, thousands of people knowing his name and screaming when they saw him walking into a venue.

but eddie could only love that life momentarily. he never saw himself marrying into money, or being anything less than independent. he didn't want to drop out of school, and live off of richies dime for the rest of his life- even if richie would do anything for eddie to do so.

it wasn't  eddie's idea of his future. it wasn't how he wanted to live his life. he wanted richie, and he wanted his independence, and he didn't want to be on tour with no way out for another year.

it wasn't who eddie was.

it never would be.

///////////

little sad ish chapter.

don't worry though.

they love each other and they always will i promise