The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

11 | Liability

I mean, unless any of them can do anything about the warehouse of fireworks she set off inside of my chest that's been burning me from the inside out for the past week, since the day I met her. Can the fire department do something about that? Is it ever going to stop?

"Not in the regular way I guess." I settled on saying out loud. "She's not mean to me. I just don't want her alive."

"Okay, first of all, don't let anyone at school hear you saying that. " Cole reminded me with a finger point, and I gave him a dismissive hand wave. "Second, you tend to push people away when things are out of place, which isn't always a bad thing. Is this person nice to you?"

"I mean," I sighed and looked out of the window, "She has proved to be useful on a few occasions."

Like when she puts out the fires that I start myself. I've never met anyone who could sift through the rubble and pull me out the way she does. I always come back to her in one piece, and that it's refreshing. And what's even better is that she keeps coming back. Fire after fire, she comes back for me.

"Then why would you want her gone?"

"Because at the same time, she's frustrating and I want to throw her off a cliff. She's like you, except, you're my brother and I love you, so I would never throw you off a cliff. But with her, I don't know. Sometimes I want to stab her and sometimes I don't. Do you know what I mean?" I rambled in the way that only can with Cole.

When we stopped at a red light, he looked over to give me a small smile. "I think so. Why don't you just stay away from this person for a while? See if you're happier without them."

"Sure. But if I do that, I'm also staying away from the only possible friends that I have."

Cole rose his eyebrows as if he had finally put all the puzzle pieces together. "If I may ask, is this person Kris?"

"I've known the girl for two days Cole, and I want to kill her," I answered flatly. "I just want everything to be as normal and stable as possible, and she just ruins it all. She's full of so many surprises. I don't like it."

He snorted, his way of calling me on my bullshit. "Surprises can be fun. You just got to know how to take them." He offered.

"Are you taking her side?" Why is everybody team Kris? What happened to team Adri?

"Of course not." He reassured. "I'm just saying that when I talked to Kris yesterday, she seemed like somebody that would be good for you to hang out with."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down. "It sounds like you're taking her side."

"I'm not. I'm always on your side and I also know what's best for you."

"Now knowing that it's Kris, do you still think that I should take some time away from her?"

"Of course. It'll be like a real test to see if she's actually good for you." He rationalized, just as we pulled into the school's carpool line.

We gave each other a long and practiced, parting look over before I nodded and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Okay, have fun at work. Love you."

"Love you too. Be good. No hitting or biting. Try not to yell at people and-"

"Keep my homicidal thoughts to myself." I finished for him and then closed my door. I sent him a final wave, before walking up the school pathway.

I hate your brother sometimes. Oh come one, don't say that; now we can spend some quality time together. I don't want to spend time with you, I want to spend time with Kristina. Well, I don't want to right now, so you're just going to have to deal for a little while. I hate you. Love you too.

I walked to my locker with my head down, humming a song to myself. Something to create noise in my head and add to the already deafening chaos of teenagers in the morning, because the voices up there were lively today.

However. my song was interrupted when my body ran into a wall, and I fell back onto the ground. My eyes squeezed shut and my arms found their way around myself. I could hear footsteps walk past me, and I rocked myself as I waited for them to stop.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." Yeah, we do. Or else I was going to have some grossly bruised thighs.

"Can I help you up?" No, you can just leave me on the ground where you can't push me down again.

"Sorry about that. Adrianna right?" No, Dora the Explorer.

"Whatever, it's fine."

"How do you like the school so far?"

"It's-" I paused when I spotted someone over Nathaniel's shoulder. Kris was watching me with her head tilted and not even trying to mask her confused expression. There was a hint of something else though. Anger?

"It's fine. Hey, could you show me to one of my classes? I kind of forgot where it was. " And as long as I was lying to him about one thing, why not lie to him about another thing? Besides, Kris wouldn't try to talk to me as long as I was with Nathaniel.

"Of course. Is it okay if I call you Adri?"

I watched Kris as I walked passed her with Nathaniel. She glared at him and gave me a long look, before rolling her eyes and walking off with some brunette. My hands closed around the straps of my backpack in a death gri[ and kept my eyes ahead.

I don't care what Kris does. I don't care what Kris does. I don't care what Kris does.

"Would you like to eat lunch with my friends and I at lunch today too?"

"Are you friends with Claire?"

"Nah, that girl is crazy."

See how could he be a bad person if he thinks that Claire is crazy? A blind man could see that Claire is crazy; I want Kristina back. Well for one, Kristina is also crazy and for two, it seems that Kristina and I aren't on good terms right now. Well, I'd rather sit with one crazy person and a couple of nice people, than a table full of homophobic pricks.

"Actually, I have something I need to do at lunch. I'll see you later." Three lies and counting.

I sped up my pace and weaved through the crowd, away from Nathaniel.

I hated when he was right.