The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

11 | Liability

"Yeah, I got it. Let's just go to school." I cut him off as Ellie came bouncing down the staircase.

"Yeah Cole! Let's go to school!" Ellie giggled clinging to his pants leg.

Today Ellie wasn't dressed in all orange. Only her headband, T-shirt and shoes were orange; her pants were plain blue jeans. For her, this was an improvement. With the streak she's been on, she could've just as easily worn her orange leggings.

"I'll be ready in a few Ellie. Why don't you and Adri go to the car and I'll meet you there."

The Freedom Metal felt foreign in my hand, and Ellie's familiar hand fell into my other. I gazed at the metal in my hand in a daze, as Ellie pulled me out of the house.

Cole was never going to let me learn how to drive. It's not that I hadn't picked up a few things in my 16 years of life, but all of that was pointless if my parents and Cole don't ever let me get a car. I wasn't even allowed to be in a car unless I was with someone else. Even Ellie was my babysitter.

"Adri, are you okay?" Again with the trick question?

I squeezed her hand, looking down at her. "Never better. Why El?"

"You're shaking."

I immediately dropped her hand, and just answered her with a smile. I opened her car door without looking at her facial expression and made my way to the front seat.

Ellie knows about my little problem. She's witnessed me have multiple panic attacks and lash out at Cole and our parents. But the nice thing about Ellie knowing is that she doesn't talk about it. She always pretends like she didn't hear my sobbing in my room or screaming at my parents. She treats me like a normal human being.

The six-year-old treats me better than the adults in this family.

"Are you guys ready?" No. I will never be ready.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Let's go Cole!" Calm down Ellie. Let's not rush him. He can take as long as he likes.

"Adrianna? Do you think you're going to make it now?" Cole asked in a hushed tone. No need to whisper Cole. The six-year-old already knows that I'm crazy.

I settled back against my seat and looked out of the window. "I mean, sure. Whatever."

"That doesn't sound very reassuring."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine. At least until these meds wear off, but by then I would've taken my afternoon meds." I turned to look at him, with a small smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

He smiled back. "Alright."

We dropped Ellie off first, where she was immediately surrounded by kids. Everybody loved her and she loved everyone. It was hard to understand how she handled all of the attention, but I was glad that she could. It must be nice to be normal.

"Do you want to tell me what happened at school now?" Cole asked without looking at me, trying to make this whole communicating thing easier for me.

"I already told you, something always happens at school," I repeated, staring straight ahead, but I still caught Cole's frown in the corner of my eye.

"Adri come on. Just talk to me please." He pleaded gently, and the sound of his dejection made my stomach turn.

I shifted in my seat, waiting a few beats to respond. "There's this person at school. I don't want her alive."

"Did she do something to you?" Cole asked, his protectiveness oozing from his tone.

"No, no." I reassured him quickly before he could get any ideas about calling the principal, the district superintendent and the governor.