What If Bertholdt had Survived

Guilt

Bertholdt sat in the conference room with Hange, Levi, Armin and Reiner.

"So what the hell happened with Eren?" Bertholdt asked.

"He disappeared after the international conference in Marley. We didn't hear from him until about 4 months ago" Armin said. "I swear I didn't know what he planning."

"He promised no civilian deaths, he killed women and children..." Bertholdt trailed off.

"We tried to keep civilian deaths to a minimum" Hange said.

"When did Zeke become involved?"

"We don't know, Eren wouldn't talk to me when I saw him in his cell." Hange said. "When when finally heard from him, Zeke was well involved and we didn't have much of a choice to go along"

"You never said anything to Zeke did you? Reiner asked.

"No, but I didn't trust him, what do we do with him now?"

Hange let out a sigh. "Well we plan to keep him and Eren apart. So we will keep Eren locked up..."

"And I'll handle that furry b*stard" Levi said.

"Well I've held up my end of the deal, you got the Warhammer, and managed to  weaken Marley. But they will be sure to plan a counter attack soon. Especially when Colt learns about Falco being here"

"We suspected that" Hange said, "but with your help and Reiner's we hope we can try to reach a peaceful agreement. I think we can all agree that there has been enough bloodshed"

"I agree Commander. Both Bertholdt and I will do what we can"

"If there is nothing left to talk about at the moment, I would really like to see my father" Bertholdt said.

***************************************************
The next day Bertholdt headed out.

Bertholdt was anxious as he road out of to the outskirts of Trost. Following the directions Hange had given him, he turned onto a side road.

There were a few small houses, and some animals grazing in a pen at the end of the road.

He tired up his horse and made his way up to one of the homes. He knocked on the door.

"B-Bertholdt...is that really you?"

Bertholdt was at a lost for words, and pulled his dad into a tight hug, feeling all of the stress of the past few years come crashing down.

"I've missed you so much Bert, I was so worried about you."

Bertholdt silent sobbed in fathers arms like he was a young child again.

**********************************************
Bertholdt wiped his eyes as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Look at you...you've grown so much in so little time, you and Reiner both with your facial hair. You mother would be so happy to see what a fine young man you've become".

"I don't think she would proud of a lot of the things I've done" Bertholdt said quietly.

"Bertholdt...you were just a child..."

"A child who killed so many innocent people, and because of me more innocent people are dead...people's home's destroyed..." Bertholdt said with his voice breaking a bit.

Mr. Hoover reached across the table and placed his hand over his son's.

"Bert...son..."

"I put my trust in the wrong person."

"I wouldn't say that, I've been treated very well here. My health has gotten better, I don't feel like I'm being watched, I'm respected."

Bertholdt took some comfort in seeing his father happier, and healthier.

"Bertholdt...nobody in this cruel world is perfect, we've all hurt people, intentionally or unintentionally. It's the harsh reality of life"

"Maybe it's for the best I'll be gone soon..." Bertholdt said sadly. "I can finally pay for what I've done"

A sad look came across his father's face.

"Bert no matter what I'm always going to love you....you've all I've got left...and I want you and I both to make the most of that time"

The two sat in silence for a moment. Bertholdt regretted mentioning the end of his 13 years.

"Father, I promise that I won't leave again, and make you worry. I'll make sure your taken care of too"

*************************************************
After a long visiting with his father, Bertholdt wanted nothing more than to sleep. But he knew he had one more place to go.

He crept down the stone stairwell. He was surprised how easy it had been to bribe the Military Police solider guarding the area.

It was damp and chilly, and smelled of mildew.

He took a deep breath as he made it to the end of the stairwell.

Bertholdt felt a lump in his throat. There she was. The torches illuminated the crystal prison that has been holding Annie for 4 years.

He reached up placing his hand on the crystal, sending a chill down his spine.

"Annie..."

Even though he knew it was basically impossible a small part of him was hoping that hearing his voice would cause the crystal to shatter. He deeply regretted never telling Annie how he felt. Maybe if he had things would be different.

Maybe they could have ran away together, living over the rest of their short lives in a small cabin in the woods. Letting their titans pass on to some random person they didn't know.

"Hey! What are you doing done here?!?"

Bertholdt jumped ready to go on the defensive.

A laugh came from the entrance to the stairwell.

"Still jumpy as ever I see"

"Hitch-I-I..."

"Relax Bertholdt, I'm not gonna rat ya out. When I heard that you were back, I figured you were bound to show up at some point"

Bertholdt's jaw dropped slightly.

Hitch smiled, "That's right, did you really think it would be that easy to bribe Zachary."

"Well I-"

"I told him to let you through. I've been in charge of her since I was made a Captain in the Military Police...after a lot of them left for the Scouts."

Bertholdt felt a pang in his chest. He knew he was partially responsible for so many of those Scouts dying in Shiganshina.

"You know" Hitch said, walking into the room where Annie was being held. "I lost friends that day, and someone very close to me. When that monkey man of yours decided to massacre them all."

"I-I'm I'm sorry I-"

"A lot of my anger rests with the late Commander. Led all those scouts, who thought that they were doing something noble by joining, into a suicide charge. Giving some grandiose speech...the b*stard got what he deserved."

"Hitch...I wish things had turned out differently, for all of us" he said looking back to Annie.

"It's probably best that you go, before the guards change shift."

Bertholdt nodded,"yeah...um, thanks for letting me see her"

Bertholdt turned to go back up the stairs.

"You know..." Hitch called out. "She talked about you a lot."

To be continued