THE ROYAL COUPLE

Chapter 49

Swasti; What about u nd papa? How was it helpful to u both?( I asked, still dissatisfied)

Ma; Okay in this case I will agree that if ur grandparents found out that I was pregnant without marriage, they would have definitely not accepted me, so the best option for both of us was to hand sachit to ur buaji, it worked both way, moreover u have no idea how helpful ur buaji and fufaji were, from running away from Bali to America to making us settle down perfectly in America, they helped us significantly, something wayy beyond your imagination. They never failed to lend a hand, even though we went through slight problems, including financial loss. They made sure we felt loved and wanted, more like a heaven feel. It's very hard to find such a person in this world swasti, so as I said, it was the least we could do.

And we were planning that once everything cools down and me nd ur papa r married we will bring back sachit but it never happened, he became too close to ur buaji and fufaji and vice-versa that it felt wrong to take him back at that point, yes u were right, we had a chance to bring sachit back, to be his parents and being a mother nothing was impossible, at this place I will accept that u are right but the reason to not bringing him back was not because of my reputation. It was mainly cuz me and my papa couldn't bring ourselves to take sachit away from the people he was attached to since birth.

Swasti; So u agree u were wrong here!( I voiced as I looked her in the eye)

Ma; I agree! They r many more places where I'm wrong dear, but just know one thing swasti, in life not everything can be categorised into right and wrong, u will come thru so many situations whereby the decisions u make are neither accepted nor denied. They just can't be expressed but somewhere inside u, u know what ur doing, u don't know if its right or wrong but it's what seems to be the best at that moment. I really don't know how to express this swasti but I can definitely guarantee u, they will be one day, one time, one situation, when u grow up to understand my words and make that one decision in life that will maybe raise an opportunity to an answer in future or will remain constant to you on whether it was worth the push or not.!( She explained as she glanced at me, wearing a serious face, that determined her honesty upon this.)

As she said, I didn't understand what she just said,like I understood abit abit only.

Swasti; Is there anything else left to let out?(I interrogated after a few seconds)

Ma; Yes, still alot! You asked what I have done for u right?(I nodded) waise toh ek ma kabhi Gina thi nahi about what all she has done for her child, but if u really want to know, then listen, u know when u were only 5 months old u caught pneumonia, u had high fever, as well as uncontrollable breathing problems, also unusual coughs! Ur papa called a doctor immediately and we had to admit u to the hospital! Ur condition was a serious one, decreasing your chances of survival. I couldn't stop crying. You were admitted for 3 days, ur fever high continuously. I spent those 3 days awake, day and night, I dint close sleep for a blink, Tumhare piche meri jaan laga di thi mene. As the fourth day arrived, your fever reduced significantly and after checkup, you were discharged. As two weeks passed, I never failed to abandon you as I had made sure that your fever must settle down completely. Thise 2 weeks felt like a game changer to me. I know I've never told u I love you, I have never even done something to prove that, and I'm realising my mistakes now, I've always been thinking u r good on ur own u don't need my assistance but I failed to understand that u needed me the MOST in each nd every step of ur life, nd I left u alone to pave ur own way out not by choice but by default, even when it wasn't necessary.

Honestly, I'm feeling really guilty swasti, I know even my apologies wouldn't fix anything, but I would give my life away to be able to express the amount of guilt I'm held hostage to swasti!

And it's true, it's completely true I never supported u in ur achievements, but I have my reasons dear.

As I said, this generation and that generation were completely different. It wasn't a piece of cake when I came back, each nd every single relative u have right now had been against the decision of me nd ur papa getting married. Udaipur itself was against me! I've suffered alot swasti! In each and every step of my life after I returned to Udaipur was like walking on burning coal barefoot, infact even worse! Sitting in the mandap doing the rituals as u hear a group of ladies gossip right behind u calling u characterless and a witch that has done black magic on the Prince of Udaipur, is not easy! All this shit that the world says right now "ignoring is a bliss" and "mind ur own business" was not there back then, many even used me as an example as to y girls should not be educated too much!