Je Suis Prest || Outlander

Chapter 6

Life returned back to normal once we returned to Balriggan. Evenings consisted of cozy nights reading stories by the fire. Auntie Jenny had given Jamie some more books from Lallybroch's library and within weeks we had become familiar with all of them. Once Joan began to fall asleep in her chair, Jamie would carry her to bed and bid us both goodnights. I would watch out of our window for his lantern swinging across the fields towards the barn. Sometimes it would sit with him outside of the barn for a long time before it was finally extinguished. I hoped Fergus was there to keep him company. Keep each other company.

I had not written to Seònaid again after our last visit to Lallybroch. Any correspondences I received from her were tossed directly into the fire. The blanket of snow melted away and the birds returned from their winter roosts. The men were busy with the livestock as we had three new lambs come that March. They were so sweet. Joan and I would go out to the barn to watch them whenever we could. We each picked one and named it. Mine was named Fiona, and Joan named hers Bean. Fergus would always be there to make sure the lambs were in good health. He had such a gentle way with them, and named the third lamb Pascal as it was almost Easter. He opted for his wooden hand more frequently after they were born, so as to not scare them with the hook I assumed.

April seventh was Easter Sunday. It was always my favorite time of year because of the young animals running about, and the sweets we would bake with what sugar we had saved up since Hogmanay. We attended mass as a family, which was not a rare occurrence, but the holiday made it feel especially important. When we returned home, Ma roasted a ham over the fire and Da read to us the story of Jesus' resurrection. By dinnertime however, Jamie grew somber. He clasped his hands in prayer over our food longer than usual and sighed heavily. Our mother rubbed his arm and whispered something to him in Gaelic so that only he could hear.

That mood continued for several more days, and Ma even allowed Jamie to sleep in her bed. Not that it made Da any happier. There were some evenings he never came in from the fields to eat supper with us. Ma would yell out the door for him until he finally appeared, tired and covered in dirt.

"You have a family here, James Fraser," she pleaded with him one night. I had not realized the days ticking by to April sixteenth. On the morning of the sixteenth, I arose early. It was a rare sunny day, but the knot in my stomach told me that it was a false sun. I began the parritch, adding extra honey from our hives to sweeten it. I knew Jamie preferred it plain, but I did not care. Joan rose out of bed looking a fright with her red hair a tangled mess. She tucked into her bowl sleepily as I went about combing it. Ma was already at work in the garden. I waited for what felt like hours, but Jamie never came in for breakfast as he usually did. When I grew tired of waiting, I took the bowl outside and made my way towards the barn. I heard hushed whispers coming from inside one of the stalls.

"Do you think she would come back? I know Milady would if she could."

"No, lad. No I dinna think she will come back. She canna come back from where she is."

"Milord, that does not make sense to me." It was quiet for several seconds and listened to the soft whispers of hay being tossed about the stalls. "It pains me to see you so unhappy. Milady would never turn you out."

"Laoghaire has a right to turn me out. I havena been a very good husband to her. She has been hurt before, and I dinna want to stay in the bed where lying beside me would hurt her again. I do miss her though. Yer not exactly who I thought I would be sleeping next to every night when I agreed to marry her." I heard a low chuckle that must have been Fergus.

"When we move to Edinburgh, can I have my own four post bed? Imagine it, I would live like a king compared to now." At that point, I couldn't help it. I stormed into the barn ready to fight the Devil himself.