Almost Normal

Chapter 4

Time kept speeding past us, and before I knew it, it was almost Halloween. I couldn't keep my excitement inside me when I realized that the special holiday was coming up so fast. One day, when I finally had the courage to sit with Marco and Jean at their lunch table, since Eren had a class during my open lunch hour, the pair questioned me why I liked Halloween so much. I told them that "You get to be somebody else for a whole night! You get to pretend to have somebody else's life, and plus you get candy! What's not to like?" "Okay, but Armin, we are in college now, we can't go around trick-or-treating anymore." Jean said. "I know I can't go around and get free candy from random peoples houses, but you can go to the gas station and buy a lot of cheap candy and just have the same amount of fun." I replied. Marco just looked at Jean and shrugged his shoulders. I asked the couple if they had any plans for Halloween night, when Marco said "Actually we were just going to ask you the same thing. Jean and I have a small apartment like five minutes outside of campus and we were thinking of inviting a few friends to come over and watch some scary movies for the special occasion. Would you want to come?" I was pleasantly surprised. I was just expecting to eat some candy alone in my dorm room like I did last year, but I finally got invited to a party for my favorite holiday! "Would it be okay if I brought somebody with me?" I asked "Depends on who is is." Jean replied. "Eren. Eren Jaeger." I said. Jean groaned in frustration and Marco gently nudged him with his elbow. "That would be perfectly fine Armin." Marco said.

Jean all of a sudden had a smug look on his face and said "So Armin, I have noticed that you and Eren have been hanging out a lot, recently, it's like whenever I see you walking across campus, Eren is always there with you. Is there something you aren't telling us?" My eyes grew wide, and I could already feel my cheeks growing warmer with each passing second. "What is Jean trying to get at? Of course I hang out with Eren. He understands me and likes me for who I am, despite all of my outstanding flaws, he sees the good in me, and I enjoy spending time with him. It isn't like I have a....a....crush...no. Never, I would never have a crush on Eren. That's ridiculous! I just like spending time with him. That's it..." "Armin? Earth to Armin! Are you there?" Marco was shouting at me. I was pulled out of my thoughts and stared at the two. "Sorry, I zoned out there for a sec, what were you saying Jean?" "I was asking if you have a little thing for Eren. I won't judge you if you do. Although, he can be a pompous asshole sometimes..." Jean said. "Jean!" Marco exclaimed. I just sat there for a few seconds longer, trying to find words. I had never really thought about Eren in that sort of way. I wasn't even sure if I was gay. So many different thoughts were rushing past my mind. "Was I gay? How long have other people noticed that I have been hanging out with Eren? Were the people in high school right all along? Who am I?"

  "Armin just try and ignore Jean, he just doesn't think before he speaks." Marco glared over at Jean. Jean just shrugged his shoulders like he didn't care if he just brought me the worst midlife crisis ever! "But anyways Armin, would you want to come to the party, it will be a lot of fun, and don't worry, there will only be like maybe ten other people there. Not to big of a crowd." Marco said. "Yes, I'll come. Just text me where and when." All three of us exchanged phone numbers, then went on our different paths.

As I was skating home, Jean's words kept playing through my mind "Do you have a little thing for Eren?" For the few months that I had known Eren, I had never thought of him as anything other than a friend. Sure, Eren was very handsome. There was the way his hair glowed in the sunlight, it looked almost like a warm chocolate brown, and his eyes almost looked like they were glimmering whenever he would talk about something he was passionate about, and the way he was always warm whenever he hugged me or held my hand.

I was thinking about so many things having to do with Eren, that I wasn't looking at the huge crack in the sidewalk until I was vaulted forward from my skateboard and landed in the grass. I had all sorts of leaves in my hair, and I had a few cuts on my arms, but I didn't care about any of that. I could only think of Eren. I tried to think to all the times I was with him, all of the weird sensations that would pulse through my stomach for no reason whatsoever. How I would always blush whenever we came in close contact with each other. All of the times that I wanted to be with him, and how I couldn't seem to get his emerald eyes out of my head.

 "Shit." I thought. "I think I might have the smallest crush on Eren." I slowly lifted my head out of all the leaves, and I did the most humiliating thing that I could have done, I screamed. I just screamed all of my frustrations out and all of my sudden realizations out of my mouth. I got some strange glances because to be honest, it was a strange sight to see a little blonde haired boy, waist deep in leaves, just screaming out like I was about to be murdered. I had a crush on Eren. I, Armin Arlert, had a crush on somebody I met only a few months ago. Did that mean that I was gay? I mean, okay sure, I had always liked the way men looked. And I had never really had a crush on a girl before, and then there was that one time where I was sucked into a game of Truth or Dare, and I got dared to look inside a magazine that just had pictures of men, some with no clothes on, and other only clad in the smallest amount of fabric, and when nobody else was looking, I stuffed the magazine into my shirt for "safe keeping" and just took it home with me. I stopped screaming to try and take in everything I was thinking."I...I...I am gay. I'm gay. I am gay. I like boys, and only boys, so I am gay....and...and I am okay with that." I thought. All of a sudden, everything seemed to fit together like I was solving a puzzle. The reason why I took that magazine home, the reasons why I never had a crush on a girl, the ways that I would look at Eren when he wasn't looking. I was gay. And I had a crush on Eren, and I was okay with that. Then I started to laugh. I laughed like a fucking maniac. I laughed until there was no more air in my lungs to support all of my laughing.

It took me nineteen years to realize this, but I was gay. I couldn't feel anymore relieved then I was in that moment. It was like a huge mysterious burden was lifted off of my shoulders, and I could finally be myself. In this moment, with all of my adrenaline in me, I grabbed my skateboard in my hand, and I just ran. I ran all the way back to my dorm without stopping. I ran up the four flights of stairs, and when I unlocked the door, I ran to my small bed and just laid down. I was out of breath, but yet I had so much energy running through my veins. I finally felt free, sure my tormentors might have been right about me being gay, but that wasn't a bad thing. The idea of dating a boy sent a tingling sensation everywhere throughout my body. The idea of kissing a boy, sent a different type of shiver to only a certain place of my body. I was filled with so many emotions. I couldn't believe that I finally figured it out, after all of this time, I could finally feel like I was okay with my identity. I was a bird who had finally found the courage to fly.

Authors Note-Sorry that this chapter took so long to write, but I am hoping to update again today. This chapter was originally just supposed to be the Halloween party, but I really wanted Armin to be okay in his own skin before anything else happened. I hope you all enjoyed! I love you all!-Zenovia