Unrecognized | LJP AU

Chapter Two

It's been two months and I miss him so much. My friends were always reminding me that he's really gone and that it was time to move on and I swear, I have been trying really hard.

"Your taste in fashion sucks. Seriously, who would wear their pajamas to the mall?" Aubrey teased Heather.

Heather's scoff was in sync with her hand gesture. "How many times do I have to tell you that they are NOT pajamas!" She grabbed her drink and took a sip, rolling her eyes in irritation.

"Shut up, you two," Lilly spoke up after taking a sip of her soda.

"I miss him." I said as I pressed my lips together, exhaling loudly from my nose.

The three of them stopped talking and they all shot me looks which I did not quite understand. It looked like they were annoyed, confused, bored, I don't know. Maybe I was too random or maybe they just didn't like how I slipped Liam into their topic again.

Ever since I found out about his death, I began talking nonstop about him. I mean, I usually talked about him even when he was still alive but now, it's a completely different case. Like, how much I love and miss him, then sometimes I would just remember one moment and then I'd start reminiscing one by one. These three were probably getting tired of it.

"You know what? Let's just order some more and give this poor girl the proper nutrition she needs," Heather laughingly stated, wiggling her eyebrows at Lilly and Aubrey.

"What are you talking about?" I narrowed my eyes at her. "I am healthy."

"I'm not saying that you're unhealthy. I'm telling these two to order more food for you because it seems like you're losing the right nutrition that your body needs because all you think about is Liam, Liam, Liam and Liam," she pressed her lips together, forming a smrown -- a word Liam and I made out of 'smile' and 'frown'.

A smrown is when you're frowning but your lips are tightly pressed together, causing the corners of your cheeks to be lifted so it kind if looks like you're smiling. You are smiling and frowning at the same time.

"That's the same thing," I said lowly with an evident tone of annoyance in my voice

"No it's not... Ugh, whatever."

I inhaled deeply, trying to distract myself from Liam. I tried to finish my food but I couldn't because Liam just loves to invade my mind. I want to get tired of thinking about him already so I could finally start moving on and give myself a break.

After eating, we went to the nearest mall and these girls being the shopaholic ladies they are, spent a whole lot of time just roaming around the department store. I was getting bored because I wasn't in the mood for shopping today. I just felt like staying in my room and sleeping all day. I wasn't tired but I just felt the need to rest for the entire day.

"Are you guys done yet? I want to go home," I complained for the nth time.

"Julia, you've been whining for the past hour! Can't you at least stay silent?" Heather huffed, looking through a bunch of dresses and skirts.

"That's because we have been walking for the past hour and you haven't even picked out anything yet!" I groaned in annoyance.

I felt like screaming in their faces when all three of them just ignored me. I was getting so annoyed and without even trying, they were pissing me off and I shouldn't be the only one here who's pissed. So I kept on complaining about how long they were taking until one of them finally gave up - Lilly.

"Why don't you go and fly to the UK instead of talking nonstop?" She uttered in annoyance, rolling her eyes at me.

I opened my mouth to speak but her words took over my brain. No, Julia. He died two months ago and he won't be there if ever you decide to go. Still, I had the urge to suddenly fly to his home, to at least check on his family. I'm not bragging or anything but I'm really close with his mother and his sisters. His dad is quite too intimidating but I think we're okay.

"You know what? That is a great idea," I muttered quietly to myself but I think Lilly has a supersonic hearing.

She whipped her head towards my direction. "Um, that was actually a joke."

"I know, but I still want to go anyway," I shrugged, suddenly being in the mood again.

Aubrey put a dress back in its place and gave me one very stern look. "You're not serious are you?" She placed one hand on her hip, looking at me as if I was telling her something wrong.

I mockingly sighed and tilted my head as I folded my arms across my chest. "Do I look like I'm joking?" I gave each of them a blank stare.

Lilly's eyebrows were met together as she made weird hand gestures. "You can't just go there and show up like you're superman. They told you you're not allowed to visit."

"It's not like they haven't buried him yet. I'm just going to check on them. I want to see them because I miss them as well. What's so wrong with that?" I pouted my lips

I heard all three of them sigh.

It looked like Lilly wanted to add something but I lifted my index finger up, pressing it to her lips. "I'm going to see his family and that's that. Nothing can change my mind," I said in a very persistent tone.

As soon as I got home, I immediately told my mom about my plan to fly to London. She was totally fine with it. She even booked my flight for me but the thing is, when I asked Liam's family if I could see him, they sounded a little bit weird and defensive when they told me that I wasn't allowed to. It seemed like they wanted to tell me something but they were trying to lie instead. I don't know, it was probably just me.

I'm leaving in one week. I didn't want to leave too soon but I didn't want it to take too long either. A week is okay, it'll give me just the right amount of time to prepare all my stuff and of course, myself. I'm not sure if I will be able to spend my days there without feeling nostalgic. Liam and I made a lot of memories there, too. His family was so accepting and welcoming, I didn't feel out of place at all.

For the past few weeks, I have been avoiding places and all the other things that remind me of him. It just makes me sad and even more upset. I want to say that I was depressed the first few days but no, I was not depressed. I just felt like I was because I was so devastated, I started to shut everyone out. I didn't mean to, of course and I didn't like the mixed emotions that kept bugging me. I was sad, hurt, upset and whenever I would accidentally shut them out, I would feel guilty. Worst times for me.

Of course I'm still sad and I miss him so much but it won't change the fact that I still need to move on because whether I like it or not, he's not coming back. Ever.

I blinked away the tears that were triggered from all the emotions that I once again felt. It would always result in me, crying whenever I'd think of him and it sucked. I'm tired of crying and hurting every single time. I used to feel really ecstatic upon hearing his name but now, whenever someone mentions him, lots of memories come rushing back into my head, pulling me down into a huge pool of emotions.

Does it suck?

As I have said, yes it sucks. It sucks big time.