If Only You Knew

FOUR

A loud bell chimed, signaling that our drinks were ready. Shawn swiftly stood up and I watched him wondering how he knew about London. We weren't following each other on social media, my account was set on private and I barely kept in touch with our mutual friends. He returned with our mugs, and I took a sip of my green tea. The bitterness and sweetness perfectly mirrored the emotions brewing inside me as I watched Shawn take a sip of his latte. There was an innate closeness between us, as if time hadn't stretched into a decade.

- I can relate to the thrill of being on stage, he confessed a subtle smile on his lips.

Shawn kept his gaze low, maybe to avoid the topic of his fame. I took another bite of the buttery goodness, trying to read his expression.

- What have you been up to? I asked playfully, emphasizing on the 'you'.

He threw his head backwards, letting out a genuine guttural laughter. The warmth of his laugh made me smile even wider.

- Oh you know, nothing much. I make music every once in a while, sing for people when they want to listen and I travel a little.

His casual demeanor raised my eyebrow, making me half impressed by his answer. I could see his cheeks turning red and his eyes fleeting, trying to play it cool.

- Just a little, eh? I teased.
- Maybe more than a little, he admitted.

His face turned into a boyish grin and it took me back to our afternoons spent hanging out at Tim Hortons. Those days were so simple, yet some of the most memorable moments we had. I was drawn to the sincerity in his voice as he downplayed his achievements. It was endearing to see him so humble despite his massive success. There was still Shawn from Pickering in this man, to my surprise.

- Well, I said softly, the way you've kept pursuing your dreams is truly inspiring. Not many people have the drive to do what you did.

His gaze met mine, a hint of gratitude in his eyes.

- Thank you, he replied sincerely.

A silence lingered between us, filled with unspoken words as time stood still. The fact that we had known each other in a time of youth and innoncence, allowed us to let our guard down easily. I never realised how similar our ambitions were until now, and it made sense I was so attracted to him as a teenager.

- I'm sorry, he said, breaking the silence. I'm sorry for how I ended things between us. I didn't handle it well, and never explained why.

His words lingered in the air, stirring up memories of the pain he cause when he broke up with me. In a way, this heartbreak had shaped the relationships I had after for the better and the worse. It however helped me develop communication skills early on.

- You don't have to do this, I brushed off in defense.
- I do.

His voice low, he explained with his fast growing career he couldn't handle our teenage romance. His management had advised him to stay single, which would boost his popularity to his predominantly female audience. Despite his feelings for me, seeing his dreams coming to reality led him to sent me that heart-wrenching breakup text.

While Shawn spoke, I saw the sincerity in his eyes. It was clear that he had matured and grown over the last few years, just as I had. I sensed the regret he had carried from his action and hearing his side of the story brought the proper closure to this part of my life.

- Thank you for saying this, I paused. It sounds silly to be talking about all of this now.

A shared chuckle passed between us and the ambiance of the café faded into our bubble of nostalgia.