𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐁𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄 | ✎

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟗

And despite everything, a small part of me wants to give her what she's hoping for. To lean in and kiss her. To forget all of my worries and fears and just let myself feel something for once.

"Do you know what I want to do right now?" My voice is slow and drawling, and I can't help but lean closer to her, even after she caught me being drunk.

Her breath hitches, but she doesn't push me back. In fact, either my mind is playing tricks on me or she leans into me more. "No," she answers. "What do you want to do?"

I pause for a moment, letting her imagination get to her. I press her back firmly against the wall, but I keep one arm down at my side so she can leave at anytime if she wants.

"Kiss you," I finally say after a while. "Kiss you and never stop. Until neither of us can breathe. And," my hand trails down her side, "I want to rip this nightgown off of you and do things that would get me killed."

Everything stays quiet while I let that sink into her brain for a bit. Not only do her cheeks flush red, but her eyes darken. She's feeling the exact way I am—I know it. And nothing can get in the way of that.

"Would you stop me?" I inquired after that long pause, narrowing my eyes as I awaited her answer.

"No."

The way she's looking at me only encourages my desire for her. Slowly, I let my hand move up the small of her back, my fingers brushing her waist. I want nothing more than to drown in the pleasure that is her. There is a fire that is burning in my heart, and only she can extinguish it.

"Alex." Princess Elena gulps, stopping the movement of my hand. "You're drunk. I can't take advantage of you."

I clenched my jaw, taking what she said into consideration. But I don't care what she does to me. My hand moves to her neck, and I lean close to her ear. "Take advantage of me." My other hand trails down her stomach, and I gently tug on her nightgown.

She inhales shakily, and her fingers trail down my abdomen, almost making me shudder. God. The blood quickly rushes down my body, and I am immediately aware that she feels my growing bulge pressed against her when she lets out a surprised gasp.

"I can't," she says, but her actions say the opposite. Her hand slips inside my pants—only for a moment—before she restrains herself and keeps it to herself.

I'm not able to control myself, though. I let out a deep, satisfied murmur at the feel of her against me—her body crushed against mine, and her hand slowly going down again, even as she tries to stop herself. "I'm not asking, Princess," I whisper, my voice hoarse and rough. "I'm telling you."

Before I can even process my words, she pushes me back, her hands landing on my chest and stopping me. My heart sinks. After another tense silence, her hand came to my cheek, her thumb caressing my cheekbone.

"I'm sorry, Alex." She frowns, the lines on her forehead accentuated. "I can't do this to you."

The realization slowly settled on me. This was a mistake. A big one. But I still don't care. I need her, and badly. Grabbing her hand firmly, I push it away from my face. "Then leave," I slur.

Elena looks at me for a moment, and I can't help but stare right back, my heart aching from all the emotions I'm feeling. There's this sense of longing in my chest, a pull towards her that I can't ignore—a burning in my lungs. But there's also anger, frustration, and shame. I'm not sure which of these emotions is dominating my brain right now. All I know is that I just want her, in one way or another.

She sighs and runs her fingers through her hair, a familiar habit of hers. "Alex," she says quietly. "I can't leave you alone like this." She takes a step closer to me, and I step back, keeping a comfortable distance between us. I don't trust myself not to pull her back in.

"Just go," I snap, my voice almost sounding like a threat.

"Calm down." She puts her hands up defensively.

"You want me to calm down?" I throw my hand out to the side, gesturing at the mess I've made. The broken bottles and spilled wine. "Do you see this? I'm not exactly in the best state right now, Princess. So either you can help me get out of it, or you can go somewhere else."

Something flashes in her eyes, and I can tell that I've insulted her with my words. My heart aches for making her feel bad, but the things I say come out like vomit. I can't stop.

She doesn't want to let me suffer alone. Her eyes flicker down to my abdomen, and I can practically see the concern in them. "Let me help you," she offers, her voice softer. "Please, let me help you."

I turn my head away from her, having it hang low in a mixture of emotions. Confusion. Shame. Anger. Guilt. All of it hurts, and I never want to feel this way again.

"Go."

Elena's eyes go wide with disbelief. The hesitation on her face is apparent, but she sighs, clearly fed up with me. "Whatever. Bye." The words are laced with venom, but I can't even apologize because she's already walking away.

But I can't let her go.

I suddenly grab her by the arm and pull her back to me, twisting her forward in my direction. "Don't marry him," I plead, trying my hardest not to slur my speech.

"I don't have a choice," the princess says with a sigh, pulling her arm out of my grasp. "Go to sleep, Alex."

I didn't respond to her after that. I just watch hopelessly as she leaves the room, knowing there's nothing I can do about this situation. And also knowing that sober me is going to kick my ass in the morning. But maybe I don't have to be sober.

Even though most of the wine is shattered, and I'll definitely have to come up with a lie to tell the king, the untouched bottles that are in the cabinet look tempting. It's like I'm being pulled into a magnet—one that I can't resist. So I don't. I grab a bottle and drink away, my throat burning.

Pull yourself together.

My mind is screaming at me to stop, telling me that I'm better than this. But I'm not. Not when it comes to her. Never when it comes to her. And so I drink and drink, not stopping once.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・

authors note: bet u guys thought there was finna be smut dirty ass minds 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ not YET but soon and a lot so don't hate me after this chapter