Demonic // phan

Sixteen

And as for the other half of the answer, well, maybe it was his great kissing skills. Or his surprisingly submissive demeanor in the bedroom despite the hard-ass persona he gave off.

"I know this may be a lot to take in for you." Dan mumbled, making Phil look over at him. "It's only been a couple weeks, and shoving all of this down your throat can't be easy. I'm sorry about pulling you into all of this, I just.... I hate being alone in my world sometimes."

***

Phil could barely remember what his life was like before meeting Dan. The only word that really came to mind was 'bland'.

He felt like a new Phil; like he was a completely different person than he had been before. And he didn't know how to deal with that information. The fact that Dan was changing him, in ways he didn't think were even possible, was a scary thought. But he didn't think it was exactly dangerous. Because Dan made him feel good, about himself and about the idea of actually letting someone into his life. He didn't feel the need to ever hold back with Dan, never had to censor himself or feel like he was being annoying. And Dan listened, and he agreed most of the time.

Phil didn't choose to fall for him.

And how was he dealing with the situation? Stupidly, of course. Pining after him like a dog and wallowing in his own self pity. He'd reached an all time low, and he really didn't think he'd come back up anytime soon.

It was getting a lot colder these days, as it closed in on December, and Phil shivered as he continued walking to the public library. He had research to do for an upcoming project, and his house was empty and he didn't want to be alone. He was only wearing a hoodie, and was really regretting that choice.

He really didn't have better plans for his Saturday afternoon, and this was the only alternative.

He reached his destination not too long after, pushing gratefully into the warm building. Smiling politely at the lady behind the counter, he headed over to the section where he knew the thick, heavy books were that he needed.

It was practically empty in here, only a few other people scattered at various tables, mostly taking advantage of the free wifi with their phones and laptops. It probably would have been a better idea to bring his computer with him. His mind was all messed up these days.

Phil searched through the shelves for almost twenty minutes, compiling a small stack of books that seemed relevant, before settling in one of the darker corners by himself and beginning the grueling process of reading. He usually liked reading, just not for academic purposes.

It was gonna be a long afternoon for him.

***

Two hours later, and Phil was ready to tear his hair out.

He hadn't had much success so far, only filling about half a page with notes he could use, and he was mostly just staring off into space instead of reading. And now, for some reason, he can't get 'Mr. Brightside' out of his head.

He's not comfortable anywhere, it seems. Home is too lonely, quiet and aware. It makes him jumpy and he wants to crawl out of his skin. But being in public is no better. The noises, no matter how small, give him an instant headache, and he can't focus on anything or longer than a few minutes.

He is a mess, inside and out, and he hates it.

His inner spiel is interrupted when the chair next to him is pulled out, and he looks over to see Zoe sitting next to him.

Unexpected is probably the biggest understatement for this situation.

"I don't want to be here just as much as you'd expect." She says, leaning her chair back on two legs casually. "But we need to talk."