Love and Other Things

chapter nineteen: trauma dump and bond

               After ordering and paying for our food, Marshall pulls over into a parking spot to take a bite of his burger and immediately releases a sigh of relief at the taste.

His legs widen as he relaxes further into his seat and my eyes can't help but watch him do so. There are about ten hours left on this drive and I've looked at him for a total of twenty minutes so far — apartment time included. I think I'm nervous. Why would I be nervous?

Obviously, I know why but damn, I didn't think it'd come rushing to me so quickly.

I dip a nugget into my barbeque sauce and sigh.

The sight before us is nothing much, just streetlights and cars zooming past, because they apparently have somewhere to be in the middle of the night.

Just further up is the night sky, the stars disguised by the city lights. It would be pretty if it wasn't so congested.

"So," Marshall's voice cuts into my thoughts and me being mid-bite of a nugget, "How have you been since that thing with Chris?"

Huh. Considering this is the first time I've been asked how I feel on the situation, I can feel myself digging myself into a deeper hole with Marshall. As if I hadn't already.

"I'm okay," I say. It was a vague response but that's really how I'm feeling. I'm neither here nor there about my feelings surrounding the situation. I mean, with all the texts and apologies he's sent me, I've done a good job at ignoring them.

He sends me a look I have slight difficulty deciphering. I categorize it as pity. Typical.

"That's very specific." He mutters, "Guessing you don't wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." I mutter in return, "At least not to the person I'd like to not see me cry tonight."

"That deep, huh?"

"Not at all," I glance at him, "We weren't really anything to have deep pain and suffering over."

"I wouldn't have guessed that from you always cheering for him at games."

"You pay attention to things other than the ball?"

"Only when they matter."

My breath hitches in my throat. I hate that he's so charming and so sweet and so observant. What game is he playing at?

"Well, I don't think me cheering for him should be any indication of something more than us being friends."

"Then why don't you cheer for me?"

"Well," The look I give him can only be explained as disbelief, "We're not friends, your school is literally our rival school, and oh, did I mention we're not friends?"

He chuckles and I hate it. Well, I hate the fact that I liked it. I hate the fact that I want to hear him chuckle again. This time with my eyes on him so I can watch his single dimple appear, his smile lines protrude, his white teeth glimmer even in the darkness.

"We can fix that right now." I can't tell if he's lost his mind or if I'm just stupid. "Just say the word and we'll be besties. I'll even knock Parker down a peg for you."

His words set something off in me. Something I should be hospitalized for at this point — I laugh. Fuck, when did he become so cute?

"Besties is pushing it," My voice comes out quieter than the rest. Cheeto's purring takes my attention away from Marshall and to the backseat where the orange cat is laying comfortably on his bed. A couple of show and tells in elementary and middle school allowed me to be well-acquainted with the little animal.

Marshall quickly scrunches his empty burger wrapper into a ball and throws it into the bag we were given. His hands make quick work of scooping Cheeto into his lap and my eyes can't help but catch onto his flexed arm, the veins running under his skin serving as an open invite to stare.

Has he always had such nice hands?

"Hi buddy," He whispers as Cheeto curls into him, "Remember Love?"

My slight contempt for the man in the car is quickly overruled by the rush of awe that floods my system. As much as I hate cats, Cheeto is alright. He's always been calm and well groomed so I give credit where credit is due in that regard.

"She ran away the first time she saw you because she was scared," The baby voice he uses makes the moment funnier than I'd like to admit, "All you did was purr at her."

"Okay, that's dramatic. I didn't run," I did. "I just promptly walked away."

Marshall's grin is wide as he looks at me, "At the speed of light."

I roll my eyes. A moment passes as I watch Marshall gently run a hand over the cat's fur and said cat curl into him even further.

He's so gentle that I can't help but imagine what it would be like if I was the one curled up into him like that. Head on his firm chest, arms wrapped around him, his hands in my hair — braids and nothing else. His eyes searching mine.

Mine searching his.

I shake the thoughts away. Control yourself, Love.

"Tell her we're tired of fighting and wanna have sleepovers and braid each other's hair and eat whole pints of non-dairy ice cream until we're too tired and full to speak so we end up just staring at each other until we fall asleep in each other's arms."

The detailed description is jolting. I don't know what to do with myself , especially since all I can see is the side of his face and obviously I can't pinpoint anything from that.

Is he joking? Is this some secret fantasy he's been holding on to? Am I missing something?

"But before we fall asleep, we'll trauma dump and bond."

That snaps me out of it. Mainly because it makes me snicker out of amusement. I can feel his head raise and eyes look at me in a way he hasn't looked at me before.

"That's quite an aspiration," I say. Cheeto wrangles out of his hold and prods back into his bed in the backseat.

Marshall, on the other hand, smirks and leans toward me. The sudden lack of space between us makes my breath hitch in my throat, fear striking me about what he could possibly say or do.

My eyes flicker to his lips.

I think he's going to kiss me. Oh my gosh, he's going to kiss me. He leans closer and instead of pulling away like everything in me is screaming, I remain steadfast in my position, allowing him to close the gap between us.

Except he doesn't kiss me. No, he stops with less than an inch between us. His lips feather mine but he doesn't kiss them. He pecks the corner of my mouth and pulls away, swiftly putting his car into reverse.

"You ready to go?"

hiyaaaaaaaaa, it's crazy that i start my junior year in college NEXT WEEK. feels like i just got there fr!