The Ties That Bind

Side Story 3 - Why?

Side Story 3 - Why?

A/N: Please do not read the side stories before reading the rest of The Ties that Bind.

     Is this what a panic attack feels like? This meeting probably wasn't a good idea; no, not probably, it definitely wasn't a good idea. Kasden was a bundle of nerves. His palms were sweaty, and his stomach ached; why, he asked himself again, had he agreed to do this? Pacing back and forth in front of his uncle's office wasn't helping to calm his nerves; if anything, the pacing made it worse, but he couldn't make himself be still.

     Kenton had suggested that he, Aletha and Kasden have a heart-to-heart. There were things that both men needed to say to and hear from the woman whose actions had caused them so much pain and grief. The meeting was to give both men a chance to ask her 'Why?'. Why had she made the choices she'd made, and why had she left Kasden at St. Jerome's rather than with his father. Both of them wanted, no, they needed to understand her reasons. They deserved answers. Kasden was surprised she'd agreed to meet with them when he'd asked her; the meeting was bound to be uncomfortable for her, more so than for him even.

     Kenton arrived and pulled his son into a warm hug. Him being there helped Kasden calm down a little, but he still felt like he was going to throw up. The two men waited a few minutes before the woman who'd turned their lives upside down finally arrived.

     As Aletha approached the two men, it was clear that her clothes, while conservative, were stylish and of the top quality. She was a striking woman who, even approaching forty, was still very beautiful. Kenton was reminded of the first time he'd ever seen her, back when they'd both attended one of their friend's parties. He had wondered if some of his old feelings might stir when he saw her but, was relieved when what he felt was nothing more than simple recognition. Time truly had healed old wounds, time, and finding love again after having had his heart broken.

     "I'm sorry to have kept you both waiting," Aletha began. "I hope you weren't waiting long?" It was more of a question than a statement.

     "Hello, Aletha." Kenton answered. "No, we haven't been waiting long. It's good to see you again, I hope you've been well."

     "It's good to see you again too, Ken. Hello to you too, Kasden." She very adroitly avoided saying that she'd been doing well, it could have set an unwelcome tone for the meeting were she to say she'd been living well while her son had lived in an orphanage.

     Kasden's parents took a few minutes for their greeting; it was almost like old friends coming together after a long absence. The three engaged in some idle chatter, the situation not quite as awkward as Kasden had feared it would be, fifteen years had passed since his parents had last seen one another. Before the conversation could get awkward, Aletha suggested that they go into the building, away from prying eyes - paparazzi were an ever-present concern.

---

     Alexander ushered the group into his office, offered refreshments, which he had already placed on the coffee table by the windows, then excused himself and left them alone. Before he left, he assured them that they could use the office as long as they needed; he was going to meet up with his wife and take a long lunch.

     "Before either of you say anything," Aletha began, "I want to apologize for everything. I know that I can't undo the past, but I do regret what I did; very much in fact." She reached for a pitcher, quickly pouring herself a glass of water before looking back up at the two men across from her.

     Kenton sighed, looking at the woman he'd once loved with all his heart. From the moment he'd discovered that she'd left their son at an orphanage, he'd pictured this. He wanted very much to ask her why, to understand her reasons. Now that he was in that moment, he didn't know where to begin. 

     "Why didn't you bring him to me?" He finally asked. One simple question encompassed the heartache of years apart. "I wouldn't have asked you any questions, I would have taken him without hesitation. You know how much I'd have loved to have him. I missed him so much, for all those years. I wanted to see him, hold him, hug him, hear him call me daddy like he used to when he jumped into my arms after work."

     He wiped tears from his eyes; he didn't want to cry in front of her. "That's all I want." He continued. "I want to understand why."

     Kasden nodded his head, though he didn't say anything. From the night of the banquet, when she'd told him that she didn't want him in her life, he'd wanted to ask that question. He wanted to know what he'd done wrong; he still feared that the answer might be because he wasn't a good enough boy. That thought stayed with him for all those times he'd stared out the window, waiting and watching for her to come back for him.

     "I don't have a good answer for you," Aletha said. "I was young, and naive; I knew even when I asked for the divorce, that it wasn't your fault. I still loved you, Ken, but I resented you too, for not being able to give me the things I was used to, and I hated myself for being so selfish. Every time I looked at Kasden, he reminded me of you. He looked so much like you that looking at him made me feel even more guilty about telling you to leave."

     "I couldn't take it anymore. I was afraid to take him to you, after fighting so hard to keep him with me, and keep you away, I couldn't bring myself to take him to you because I felt so stupid, so I left him at the orphanage. I'm sorry, Ken. And I regret leaving you there like I did, Kasden." She looked at him.

     "When I saw you again, that night at the banquet, I thought my heart was going to stop," She continued. "Seeing you brought back all the guilt I'd gotten so good at pushing aside. I shouldn't have said those things to you that night. I shouldn't have said any of the things I said when I saw you working at the bakery. I started to blame you for making me feel guilty, but I felt guilty because I was the one who'd done something horrible, not you."

     "I thought about you every day during that first year. I thought about going to get you too, but after a while, I was afraid you might say something to dad and mom about being left there, and I couldn't force myself to go get you. I was ashamed about what I'd done, and I didn't want anyone to find out."

     All three of them were crying now. Kenton had his arm around his son, hugging him tightly against his side. Oddly, the thing that drew Kasden's attention was that although Aletha was crying, her makeup didn't run - not even her mascara. That one stupid, trivial little detail was enough to ease the constriction in his chest. It was almost enough to make him laugh, though that would have been weird given that he was crying. But now he knew. He knew that he wasn't the reason she'd abandoned him; he wasn't the cause, and that knowledge was freeing.

     They talked for a long time after that, all of them trying to come to terms with a past that had left them all somewhat broken inside. Healing could truly begin now that the wounds were addressed, or it might not, but the wounds wouldn't fester any longer. It had been a long afternoon, but when it was over, Kasden felt better than he had in a long time. 

     Kenton made a point of telling Aletha that he couldn't bring himself to forgive her - yet, and she said understood his point of view. She didn't come to the meeting seeking forgiveness; she would probably never forgive herself, much less ask forgiveness from either of them. She'd met with them to answer their questions and offer an apology; not to explain, not to offer excuses, simply to answer their questions.

     Maybe now all three of them could begin to heal.   

A/N:  What do you think?  Should Kas and Ken forgive Aletha?  Was her explanation enough?  What about her apology?