right where you left me

Chapter 50 - Fireflies

"Oh shit," she soon answered, apologetically. "I am so sorry, I didn't even-"

"It's okay," I answered. "I'm going to walk. Take a stroll. Probably head back."

"I can come with-" but I cut her off.

"No, no," I responded. "Enjoy it. Don't think about me." She gave me a hug before joining all the other girls inside.

I walked down to the harbor, passing the Docklands stadium, where we were to play the following game. It felt so big, and I felt so small.

It felt like the world, and I was only the most minuscule part of it.

I sat on a bench, the cold, Melbourne wind blowing onto my face. I felt my cheeks start to get red, with it burning my face. But it was a nice burn. The burn in my throat was no longer; I had to find the satisfaction somehow.

When I looked over the harbour, I soon heard my phone ring. It was an unknown, Australian number.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"You are about to receive a telephone call from an inmate at Cessnock Correctional Centre, your conversation will be recorded and may be monitored, if you do not wish to receive this call, please hang up now." Shit. It would be him.

I thought about it for a moment, but that moment soon passed and it was ringing.

"Hello?!" his voice said. It was him. It was Finn. his voice, for some reason, felt soothing. Against all the pain and heartache, I still knew him as that boy who would always hide with me. The boy that would always protect me. The boy that would shield me from the pain.

"Hi, Finn?" I replied, confirming it was in fact him, even though I knew it was.

"Tippah."

"Hi."

"Hey," he answered.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Um, that depends."

"Is everything okay?" I asked. "Why did you call Finn?" I wanted to know his intentions. I wanted to know everything. Why did he call me? Why now?

"I just wanted to ask you something," he soon said.

"Okay..."

"Why did you do it?" he questioned.

"Do what?" I asked, knowing I knew the question already.

"Why would you do it when you knew who he was? When you knew he was horrible? When you knew of all the things he has done?" I would ask myself those questions every single day.

"Finn, we shouldn't talk of this."

"Why not?" he exclaimed.

"Because its not worth it."

"Am I not worth it?"

"Violence is not worth it. Hurting people is never the answer. But, Finn, we can't talk about it. I am going to be a witness and I don't want to jeopardize anything."

"Just one thing," he then asked, almost pleading with me.

"Okay."

"How did you know? Genuinely, how did you know?"

"Finn..."

"Please."

"Sparkys don't work on Christmas Eve."

"Huh."

"You told me you were working on Christmas Eve."

"But-"

"Sparkys don't work on Christmas Eve. Ever."

"But, it wasn't until you spoke to Carpenter?" he asked.

"Ellie reminded me; I was too drunk to remember. She didn't know anything. It wasn't ever her. It was me."

"Alright, I have to go. My time is-" the phone was soon disconnected.

I was still on the bench. In Melbourne. By Docklands.

There was a piece of me that felt dead. I knew I had hurt him, but does his hurting count for more?

Before I left for Portland, my Grandma took my hand, leading me outside. We lived by a national park, and as the sun set over the rocks, she held my hand.

"Never forget, Tippy, that you have a power. You bring light. Don't ever forget that." I stared into my Grandma's eyes, in that moment, and felt the love of a million fireflies.

Now, as I stared into the Melbournain abyss, without a family, without that familial love, I needed to channel that inner power.

That inner light.

As otherwise the darkness would follow me around for too long and I would fall into it, like a dark hole. Never ending, forever encapsulating. 

note:

- guys... THE TILLIES DID IT!!! they won... you wouldn't even imagine how ecstatic I was. 

- also slay for lionesses as well. I'm just glad they arent having to verse each other ngl 

- also so not sure if everyone saw but I did make a bet w my friend that if they won the game yesterday I would get a tillies tattoo... currently my best thought is 'never say die' written in bold, but fine line, on my arm (near where leah has her lover tattoo) 

- but if there r any other suggestions, let me know!!!1