Unexpected Friends... With Benefits?

Chapter 5

TW: BLAMING ONESELF FOR PROBLEMS, MENTIONS OF DEATH

Giyuu was sitting on the floor of his estate, tears running down his face. Why was he crying? He had no reason to be crying.

He couldn't just blame everything on everyone else. No one deserved Giyuu's hate. No one ever did anything to Giyuu. Sure, they might talk bad about him or annoy him daily, but they never did anything bad.

So why was it that Giyuu refused to believe they did anything good to him, either?

Shinobu just told the man that she was sorry for annoying him so badly. She said sorry. Shinobu, out of everyone, apologized. And Giyuu forgave her. He didn't regret the decision at the moment, so why was he regretting it now?

Giyuu was so close to having friends. Tengen helped him without being asked and Shinobu seems to care more than expected. Why was it now that Giyuu's mind was going wild with accusations left and right?

Maybe it was because he hated himself as much as the other Hashira did.

It was clear that Giyuu was disliked by the Hashira. Shinobu had been right about that since the beginning. The quiet man just didn't want to come to terms with the truth. But now, the truth was standing right in front of him, and it was in bold.

Giyuu would never be liked by the others. He would never be excepted. He didn't deserve to be excepted. After all, he was just a fake Hashira. Giyuu was just a placeholder until the real Water Hashira was chosen.

Giyuu was just a placeholder that didn't deserve to speak, or even look at, the real Hashira. The real Hashira had jobs to do. They were important. They had to kill demons almost daily, and they were paid generously for their work. Giyuu, on the other hand, was much different.

This quiet man wasn't even a real demon slayer. Even if he was, he wouldn't deserve it. His best friend, Sabito, would have been a much better candidate for the position of Water Hashira. In fact, he wouldn't even be a placeholder. He would be the real Water Hashira.

Just thinking about how much better Sabito would have been upset Giyuu. They were supposed to be demon slayers together. They were supposed to take down every enemy they came across with little to no effort needed. Why was it that the world had to take Sabito away from Giyuu? Why must the world be so cruel?

Giyuu's tears fell and fell. They weren't going to stop anytime soon. The man felt like screaming, but he didn't need to distract the real Hashira from their jobs. That would be horrible. Giyuu didn't deserve the time of day, so he stayed as quiet as he could.

If Sabito was in this situation, the others wouldn't hesitate to help him. Sabito would be welcomed and accepted with open arms. Giyuu, however, seemed to get on even Mitsuri Kanroji's nerves. That was supposed to be nearly impossible. That shows just how much Giyuu was hated by the others.

Giyuu was only needed to support the others when needed. He couldn't let them down. They already hate him enough, so he didn't need to add to the flames and hate and anger. But what if he was?

What if Giyuu had been adding fuel to this never-ending fire of pain and agony since the beginning? After all, Giyuu was the reason his sister had died. Giyuu was the reason Sabito had died. Giyuu was the reason Nezuko was still alive. Some of the Hashira seemed to hate Nezuko, so they obviously blamed her existence on Giyuu.

All Giyuu wanted was a break, but he wasn't going to get that. He would never get that. His mind wouldn't let him have a break. It stayed scrambled almost all day every day. Eventually, it explodes in waves of self-hate and doubt.

It was all too much to handle. Giyuu didn't know what to do.

Everything was his fault. He was the reason he doesn't have friends. He was the reason he would never have friends. He was the reason he didn't deserve friends. Everything was Giyuu Tomioka's fault, and he knew it.

Deep down, Giyuu knew everything.

Shinobu was upset that Giyuu never spoke to her. She would tease and insult him all day. It was Giyuu's fault for never responding. It was Giyuu's fault for annoying her. Even though the girl apologized, there was no way she meant it. She thought everything through, this moment too. She probably apologized to manipulate Giyuu into finally speaking, thinking she had changed her ways. It was Giyuu's fault for falling for that damn trick. It was so obvious that it hurts to think back on it.

Tengen helped Giyuu the night before. He didn't have to, but he wanted to because he was worried. It was Giyuu's fault for making such an important person worry. Tengen's wives were probably upset when the tall man walked into his house with an unconscious piece of shit like Giyuu in his arms. It was Giyuu's fault for sitting in public, not caring if anyone saw him.

Sanemi hated Giyuu because he never spoke. He hated Giyuu because of his personality. It was Giyuu's fault. He annoyed a strong Hashira because he didn't want to speak. Shinobu calls that rude and disrespectful. Maybe Giyuu should've listened to the girl. Maybe then Sanemi could focus on his job other than worthless things like Giyuu. Sanemi also hates the Kamado siblings. That is also Giyuu's fault. Giyuu allowed Nezuko to live, risking the lives of many. There is no way to tell for certain if Nezuko will never eat a human. Shinobu was right. Nezuko might become stronger, making it harder to control herself.

Obanai Iguro also hates Giyuu for his lack of speaking. Once again, if Giyuu had just spoken to the people above him in rank and power, they wouldn't have a reason to waste their time on him. He couldn't forget about Iguro's hate for Nezuko. Iguro and Sanemi were pretty similar. Giyuu was pretty sure they both wanted him dead.

There are many people that Giyuu has burdened over the years. He wasted his trainer's time more than anything. If Giyuu had died in those mountains after running away from home, his trainer would have been able to focus more on Sabito. Sabito would have been stronger at Final Selection. He wouldn't have had to pay attention to Giyuu at the beginning. Sabito wouldn't have fallen, and he would be the Water Hashira right now.

Giyuu was tired, but there were still so many things he had to go over in his mind. There were still so many things that he needed to take the blame for. There was one in particular that he could never forget.

If Giyuu had managed to get to Tanjiro's family on time, that little boy's life wouldn't have been ruined. If Giyuu had run a little faster, if he hadn't taken any breaks, and if he had been stronger, he would have been able to save Tanjiro's family.

Tanjiro wouldn't be a demon slayer. He wouldn't be risking his life every night. He would be at home, sleeping peacefully. He would be with his mother and his siblings. He and his siblings would be alive, well, and they would all find lovers to grow old with. Nezuko would also be with them, still a human.

It was all Giyuu's fault. As much as he tried to forget them, the thoughts always came back to haunt him. Giyuu tried to move on from Tsutako. He tried to move on from Sabito. He tried to realize that neither Tanjiro nor Nezuko blamed him for their family's death. He tried to forget about being a disappointment to the other Hashira.

But he couldn't. The thoughts would always be there. The guilt, the sorrow, and the pain. It would all be there to haunt him every time he forgot or tried to move on. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do. The only relief Giyuu would ever get is the sweet relief of death.

The world was too cruel to do that, though. The gods know of Giyuu's sorrow, pain, and guilt. That's why he's been alive this long. But, death is inevitable. You can't escape it. One day. One normal day. Something will happen. Whether it is sudden, painful, or you don't realize it is happening. Death will someday take you into its arms, and carry you to the afterlife.