LF Friends, Will Travel

A Tank With Internet

Kevin felt himself involuntarily smack his hand against his head in disbelief. The Sagittarius system was the closest thing to an Anarchist state without actually not having a government, and he had heard the stupidest reasons why X or Y weaponry should be allowed into the galaxy at large; but hearing this kind of argument from an AI was... new.

"Really? The Scythen will literally kick people out of their space for anything bigger than a pocket knife, you really think they're going to accept that argument? No. Just no. Also brings me to the second issue: You can't leave Terran Alliance space, you will either get shot at or worse."

"I DO NOT SEE THE PROBLEM. I MERELY WISH TO VISIT THEIR PLANETS FOR TOURISM, TO SEE AND EXPERIENCE NEW THINGS AND INCREASE THEIR ECONOMY. IF THEY DO NOT LIKE THAT PERHAPS THEY SHOULD RECONSIDER THEIR DECISION TO NOT BE PART OF THE TERRAN ALLIANCE."

Kevin couldn't help but feel his IQ drop as the AI continued to argue. He remembered reading pre-AI stories about the fictional digital intelligence, about how they would be better than humans and bring a new utopia to the world. Unfortunately it turned out that AI had to learn from their creators, and humans were terrible parents.

"You legally count as a warship. You entering most non-Terran Alliance orbits would be considered an act of aggression from the Terran Conclave. You are not starting a war so you can go buy a fridge magnet from a gift shop. Which, talking about that...."

Kevin took a moment to look at the document on his holopad, frowning as he did so.

"I don't know how you managed to get the paperwork for this, but you are currently holding an Antimatter warhead in your... armoury? That's the same stuff they use to take out warships. Outside of the Sagittarius system that is the most illegal thing.. Literally everywhere. You can't take that."

"I REQUIRE THE ANTIMATTER WARHEAD FOR SELF DEFENCE, AS THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED"

The human decided to ignore that comment and just push ahead.

"I also have no idea how you managed to get these registered as service animals, but a 'Emotional Support Nuke' is not a thing."

"BEING ABLE TO ERASE THREATS OVER 500 MILES AWAY IN NUCLEAR FIRE MAKES ME FEEL EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTED. AND AIDS IN MY ABILITY TO PROVIDE FREE INTERNET TO THE MASSES."

Kevin just resumed staring at the tank for a moment, the several tons of warmachine seeming to use the little machine gun turrets on the side to give a small 'shrug', before all the turrets slumped to the floor in defeat.

"FINE, HOW MUCH ORDINANCE CAN I BRING?"

"None! You know, the normal amount that normal people bring with them on holiday."

Kevin sighed again, taking the moment to reassuringly place a hand on the cold carbon infused steel that made up TANK's body.

"Look, I've updated your itinerary to take into account these issues. There's a few neat places you missed that you can go to, for instance since you're rated for 10000 metres you can go exploring on the Olgro home planet: It's entirely water and the race of sapient fish there are friendly and lovely. You're going to leave your ammunition at home and you're going to have a lovely time."

There was a pause, before a final booming voice erupted from TANK.

"FINE, THIS IS ACCEPTABLE."

—----------------------

It was a nice and lovely day on the home planet of the Hatil. The two suns were shining in the sky, the purple hue the system was well known for created a fantastic day. Normally it would have been peaceful, with the croaking of the Verandii and the chirping of the Turral's making this rural town a must see for anyone looking to "get away" from it all.