[𝟏] 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 | 𝐟𝐤&𝐜

Chapter 8: The Best Day ★

I saw the streetlights flickering on, casting a warm glow on the pavement. I felt a surge of emotion in my chest. I felt love for my parents, who were chatting happily in the front seat. I felt gratitude for all they had done for me today and every day. I felt hope that maybe tomorrow would be better and I would feel happy again. I opened my mouth to say something to them, to thank them or to tell them that I loved them or to ask them for help. 

But before I could say anything, I heard a loud screech of tires, a deafening crash of metal, and a blinding flash of light.

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother, inside and out

He's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you

I felt a jolt of pain in my body as if someone had stabbed me with a thousand knives. I felt a rush of air on my face as if someone had blown a giant fan at me. I felt a weight on my chest as if someone had dropped a boulder on me.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't see. I could only hear.

I heard the sound of glass shattering, of metal twisting, of fire crackling. I heard the sound of sirens wailing, of people shouting, of doors slamming. I heard the sound of my own heartbeat pounding in my ears, of my own breath gasping in my throat, of my own voice screaming in my head.

I heard nothing from my parents.

I watched as first responders arrived and ran towards us to check up on us. They got me out first, as I was the only one conscious, but I begged them to go to my parents. To make sure they were okay. Because I needed them.

But as they checked on my parents, they didn't seem to want to do anything with them. I kept yelling and begging them to get my parents out, that they needed more help than I did.  But they kept focusing on me, cleaning up my wounds, and examining me. And then I realized. The reason they wouldn't help my parents.

I realized that they were gone. I realized that I was alone. I realized that this was the end. I wished I could go back in time and change everything. I wished I could wake up from this nightmare and find them alive and well. I wished I could die with them and join them in heaven.

But none of that happened. I survived. But I never felt alive again.

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarves

Daddy's smart

And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

I held back tears as I strummed the strings of my guitar and brought my face closer to the microphone. I was performing at the funeral service of my parents. It broke my heart that I would never be able to tell them how much I appreciated them. They were gone.  And I couldn't believe it.

So here I was, performing my first song at their funeral service. I called it "The Best Day," as a way to thank them for every single little thing they did for me all my life. And all I could think about was how I wished they were here.  How my mom would right now be freaking out over me singing in public. She would be sitting in the crowd, smiling and cheering me on.

And my dad, he would grab his camera, and record every moment. So that in the future, he would be able to say, "Look how far you've come. That was your first performance. And now look at you." But that would never happen. Because they were gone.

If I had just never been unhappy, this would have never happened. 

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today

I finished the song, and as the audience clapped, I sadly smiled and went to my seat. Joel put his arm on mine, smiling and whispering, "You did great."

Ever since our parent's death, Joel and I had become close again. I told him about everything. About me hurting myself. About John. About me blaming myself for what happened to our parents. And he understood. And as I predicted, he had helped me through it. 

He started eating more meals with me. He started sleeping in my room, making sure I got to rest. He hid my lighter, and we were to pick a therapist for me the following week.  And although I felt loved by both my brothers, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I had just killed our parents. And then they start taking care of me?

We had never been a wealthy family. Our parent's jobs had always paid enough just to get by. But now with them gone, it was up to me and Joel. Joel and I had just turned 18. The court had granted Joel and me co-custody over Luke. We were to act as his legal guardians. 

And so, I would have to do something I'd never thought I'd do.