Protection

I'm here

I don't think I'm safe anywhere anymore. If it's my imagination or if it's happening in real life doesn't matter, but I swear I just saw the lights flicker. "Sorry, do you need something from there?" I jump at the voice of a young boy. Has he been standing there the whole time? "Do you?" he repeats his question.

I shake my head while taking a few steps back. "No, sorry." I say, but I don't think he's listening to me. He grabs a box of cheese and then walks past me, giving me a disapproving look. How long have I been standing there? I glance down at the rosary in my right hand. I'm right handed, so it's actually pretty impractical to hold it so often. It reminds me of Lorraine though and she helps me make me feel safe. So how can it hurt?

After paying I walk back to the car. It starts raining when I drive home and I keep seeing weird shadows. I try my best to ignore them since I don't want to cause an accident. Brandon doesn't help me carry the groceries inside. But how could he? He's so busy doing nothing but watching TV in the living room.

"Yeah, thank you so much for your help." I say while kicking the door behind me close with my heels on. Brandon just briefly looks away from the show he's watching. "You did it all alone effortlessly, Ivory." he says.

"Yeah, no effort at all." I whisper while walking inside the kitchen. I stop in my tracks when I find the cupboards open once again. "This is starting to get annoying." I mutter while closing them. It's not really annoying. My heart stops every single time I find the cupboards open. It's just so tiring to be afraid all of the time.

For dinner I make lasagna with the recipe from my mother. She's out of the picture and from the time I knew her she wasn't the most joyful person, but she was a good cook. Is that a weird way to think about your mother?

Brandon and I don't talk while we eat, maybe because of the simple fact we have nothing to say. But that's not unusual for us. I'm the one who cleans the dishes after and I'm the one who has to turn off the TV because my husband went to bed and apparently forgot it.

It's already late when I walk up the stairs and go into the bathroom. While brushing my teeth I study my reflection in the mirror. My black eyes look tired, if that's possible. Maybe it's just the dark rings under them that make them look so tired. My light blonde hair used to shine, but now I just look empty.

Lorraine has beautiful eyes. They're blue, truly the prettiest blue I've ever seen. And they're so filled with life and joy. It's still raining outside, every once in a while I hear thunder. It was a rainy day like this one when my brother died.

The uneasy feeling from before comes back when I walk into the room I'll have to sleep in. The mattresses on the beds have been exchanged but when I look at them, just for a second, I see blood on them. The smell of rotten meat is back and I can hear something whooping in my ear. I gasp while turning around, the room is unbearable to look at, at least for me.

I walk out onto the hallway, the decision I won't sleep in there made. I feel incredibly cold when I walk downstairs and go into the living room. Nothing or no one will die in the living room, right? The blankets are in the drawers under the TV, Brandon doesn't like them laying on the couches. He never told me why, but whatever he says has to be done. I'm so tired of him pushing me around when I could stand up to him. But I wouldn't know where to go. I don't have many friends and all my friends are his friends as well, his friends first. And who would take a woman with no perspective?

I chose the couch closest to the exit, just in case. When I pull the blanket over my shoulders I don't feel as cold anymore. Maybe I can finally get a night of peace.

The sound of footsteps makes me open my eyes. I look around, I'm in the room the two children died in. My eyes meet the one of a man, but I think he's not seeing me. He looks right at me, but then he turns around and walks out of the door, closing it behind him.

I get out of the bed and walk over to the closed door, I don't want to open it. I'm afraid of what might be behind it. "Open it." I hear a voice, a familiar voice. When I turn around I see Lorraine sitting on the bed opposite the one I woke up in. She's wearing a white blouse and a red-beige checked long skirt.

"What if he's still there?" I ask.

She nods, like she understands. "But what if he's not?" she replies. "We need to know where he's going. Do you have the rosary I gave you?"

I nod, taking it out of my pocket. I haven't set it down ever since she gave it to me. "What if it doesn't protect me?"

Lorraine smiles while taking her own rosary in her hand. "There are too many "what if's" in your voice." she tells me while stepping next to me. "Open the door."

With very careful hands I open the door and sigh with relief when no one's there. "What now?" I ask and Lorraine points to the stairs. There's a man walking down and I turn to look just in time to still see him. "You want me to follow him?"

"I'll be with you at every step." she tells me and somehow that calms me. We follow the man to the ground floor, Lorraine is always just one step behind me. I can hear her light steps and feel her presence. He walks into the kitchen and opens all the cabinets, like he's searching for something. After a while he pulls out a gun.

When he walks by us I exchange a worried glance with Lorraine, but she just nods for me to follow him. The stairs creak under the man's weight and Lorraine gently grabs my arm to stop me from following him down. "Trust me, hon. You've seen enough."

I can assume what the man is about to do so I listen to Lorraine. Still, my whole body's shaking when I hear the gun fire. The tears leave my eyes without me being able to stop them and Lorraine just wraps her arms around me while telling me to open my eyes.