Pompous And High Maintenance | Yumiko Miura × M!Reader

[Chapter Three] | To See If I Can Catch A Dream

The more he thought about this, the more sickening it was to him. He wanted to puke, more less, even just rot.

It felt like he was going down a tunnel of infinite insanity is how he described it. The more he would rise up in the morning to head into the hell of his prep school, he didn't feel like going on any longer. He would feel sluggish, nearly falling asleep in class, at one point, his grades had begun to fall. It seemed like he stopped caring for his education, or anything for that matter. He had just felt so empty inside.

What was his purpose in life? What was the point of even living? What was the point of even being here?

Those endless thoughts of his just kept popping in and out, coming in at the most critical times of when he didn't need them. He remembered doing a presentation in class one day, and midway through it, those thoughts came back again. He nearly crumbled and ended up in a fetal position. It didn't help that his mind felt like it was breaking as he heard the slight snickering and subtle laughter from the other students in the classroom. Y/N could almost imagine them mocking him, internally hearing whatever mocks and jeers that were being directed toward him.

'Waste of space.'

'What a loser.'

'What's an idiot like him doing in a classroom full of geniuses like us?'

Things like those is what he imagined.

Later that night, he remembered crashing through the dorm room. Shutting the door behind him, rushing into the bathroom, he flicked on the lights and positioned himself in front of the toilet. He wretched up whatever he had consumed for dinner into the toilet bowl.

As he flushed the contents down, his eyes would focus into the swirling eye of the water, being sucked down into the chasm of the hole. It was almost like he could see himself there, falling and drowning in the depths of darkness, his sorrows surrounding and consuming him. He remembered feeling so miserable that night he couldn't even sleep, not even a single wink.

'God, I'm so tired,' Y/N thought, moving his arm to cover his eyes. 'I just want to die...'

But that's when he remembered a brief light appearing in his eyes. That's right, a reason that gave him to live.

He remembered her laugh, her smile, her tears of sorrow that would morph into happiness when he comforted her. Ah, that's right. That cascading, bright blonde hair of hers, those olive green eyes, and the brightest smile of hers is considered to be the greatest feature.

Yumiko Miura, the memories of all they spent together... That is what saved him that night. Prevented him from ending it all.

Y/N soon felt tears streaming down his face, the fabric of his long sleeves of his undershirt soon getting damp. Raising himself up from his mattress, he shook his head whilst wiping his tears away. It felt like the pressure of being put on a pedestal, how that pressure of following in the path his father had laid out for him had persisted still. But the mere thought of Yumiko seemed to have melted the stress away.

"Dammit... Why do I have to remember that stupid shit now..." Y/N muttered, referring to the dilemma between his father and him.

Grabbing his phone, he goes into his song list and puts on a song. A song that he remembered listening to on that concert night.

She held the world upon a string
But she didn't ever hold me
Spun the stars on her fingernails
But it never made her happy

'Cause she couldn't ever have me

She said she won the world at a carnival
But she could never win me

'Cause she couldn't ever catch me

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes, I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well, I just see the sky

I don't love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me? I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

The sun was always in her eyes
She didn't even see me
But that girl had so much love
She'd wanna kiss you all the time

Yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time

She said she'd won the world at a carnival
But I'm sure I didn't ruin her

It just made her more interesting

I'm sure I didn't ruin her

Just made her more interesting

I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes, I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well, I just see the sky

I don't love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me? I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream

(A/N): Song - She Had The World by Panic! At the Disco

Now that he thought about it, this song hit a bit close to home.

According to the writers of the song, the song was about a naive dreamer falling for one of the song writers. However, he lacked interest in her.

How it was so relatable to him because it felt like he was in the shoes of the naive dreamer. It seemed like he fell in love with a girl that didn't seem to hold any interest for him. Y/N felt like Yumiko only saw him as a friend, nothing more than that.

But that just made him all the more determined. To see if he could catch this dream.

[Chapter Three] | To See If I Can Catch A Dream