His Silent Addiction

01

She led her children inside as I handed her their order. "Thank you, ito na yung bayad."

The woman was smiling the entire time with a hint of embarrassment for her children until she closed the door and I caught a glimpse of the man inside with the children laughing in his arms. Tila naestatwa na naman ako sa kinatatayuan ko habang hindi mawala-wala ang imahe ng masayang pamilyang iyon sa isip ko.

Bahagya akong napangiti with a hint of bitterness in it since I know it's the kind of image that I can only have in my head with the people I cherish. Dahil ang reyalidad ay hindi patas sa lahat ng tao.

Fuck.

Hindi ko na pinansin ang mga tumatakbo sa isip ko at tinignan ulit ang huling delivery ko ngayong araw. Dali-dali akong sumakay ng elevator at pumuwesto sa harap ng pinto ng room 404. Ilang beses kong pinindot ang doorbell pero wala pa ring sumasagot.

I've been standing here for the past five minutes but I still received no response. Nagsisimula nang uminit ang ulo ko dahil halata namang may tao dahil sa naririnig kong ingay mula sa loob but they still chose to ignore me. I rang the bell a couple more hanggang sa bumukas na rin sa wakas ang pinto.

The girl in almost nothing but a pair of short shorts and a shirt greeted me with a wide smile. The look on her face upon opening the door seemed upset na bigla namang nag-iba nang makita ako. Sumandal pa ito sa pinto habang tinititigan ako mula ulo hanggang paa. She smirked after criticizing me.

"Hi, do you need anything?" tanong nito sa mapang-akit na boses. Inilapit niya ang mukha niya as I try my best to divert ny eyes elsewhere.

"Delivery... Ma'am," I struggled to get the words out of my mouth but when I did, she also moved away and looked at the thing in my hand.

Para naman itong napaisip nang malalim. "Ah, ito pala 'yun," sabi nito na nakatitig sa pagkain sa kamay ko hanggang sa ini-angat niya ang tingin sa akin, "Akala ko kasi..."

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin since I don't wanna be rude to a customer kaya nanahimik na lang ako at bahagyang ngumiti. "Bale, 856 pesos po lahat Ma'am," saad ko.

She stepped forward as though tryna whisper something into my ear and I just froze, kesa naman itulak ko ito palayo at magbabayad pa ako ng treatment fee. "Can I not pay with something else, Mister."

Mainit ang hininga nito sa tenga ko pero nasa huwistiyo pa naman ako para lumayo at titigan ito ng maigi habang sinusubukang pigilan ang sarili na makasuntok ng babae.

"We only accept cash Ma'am," sagot ko na kaniya naman ikinadismaya.

Magsasalita pa lang ito ulit nang may nagsalita mula sa loob ng kwarto.  The voice sounded like a cub's roar in my ears, tila bagong gising ito na garalgal ngunit may kaamuhan sa bawat bigkas ng salita.

"Stop flirting with the guy and just pay for the damn food, Mocha," ani nito.

"I am not!" sigaw pabalik ng babae and started to throw tantrums like a child.

But I didn't even pay attention to the girl in front of me and instead, my eyes were caught by a silhouette inside the room with a towel around his neck as though fresh from the bathroom with his drippy wet hair. I saw him grab something from the table and shifted his gaze towards the door.

Siguro ilang segundo rin kaming nagkatitigan hanggang sa nagsimula siyang maglakad papunta sa direksyon namin.

Somehow, I don't know when and where, but he looks awfully familiar.

Tuloy-tuloy lang ito habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin hanggang sa nalagpasan na niya ang babae na pilit tinatawag ang pangalan nito ngunit parang bingi na walang imik. Until he finally walked past me and even slightly bumping against my shoulder before he completely ignored the both of us lost while standing at the front door.

I didn't have time to react when the girl suddenly rushed towards the guy and hardly told me to get the payment on the drawer inside the room. Hindi ko alam kung sobrang kampante lang nila na walang mawawala sa gamit nila by letting a random person to their room or that wala lang talaga silang pake kung may mawala man o wala.

Wala na akong panahon pa para mag-isip dahil gusto ko na lang talagang umuwi kaya pumasok na lang ako gaya ng sabi ng babae at iniwan ang order nila sa lamesa. I headed to the drawer next to the sofa and saw a bunch of scattered paper bills. I counted the exact amount and was about to leave when I saw a navy blue necktie on the floor which looked exactly the same as the one we have at school.

Hindi ko na ito pinansin nang makita ang oras na nakapaskil sa digital clock na nasa mesa.

Dali-dali akong nag-ayos at umalis na dahil ayoko na rin naman manatili pa sa lugar na 'yon ng matagal although it smelled nice like cucumber and vanilla ice cream in summer heat, not too sweet but was enough to become addicting and crave for more.

I once again shrugged the thoughts and went down the apartment complex, hoping na makakauwi ako ng tahimik. But as I was only a few steps out of the building, I saw the same guy again with the same girl as thought they're arguing. Parang galit ang babae sa 'di malamang dahilan habang walang interes na nakikinig lang ang lalaki habang hawak ang isang stick ng yosi sa bibig.

Hindi ko namalayang tumagal na ang titig ko sa kanila na siguro'y naramdaman ng lalaki and before I know it, we were already exchanging gazes. He moved his lips as though mouthing something.

“Smoke?” I whispered to myself which I think is what he said. Inaaya niya ba akong mag-smoke ngayon? I don't even know what's going on.

Matalim ang tingin n'ya na parang tumatagos sa balat ko hanggang sa ako na mismo ang sumuko at napa-iwas ng tingin.

Ugh fuck. Shit.

Why am I the one looking away? I used to be feared in these streets, why do I feel so small now? Tanginang 'yan.

Hindi ko na ito pinansin pa kahit dama ko pa rin ang titig niya kahit sa paglalakad ko palayo hanggang sa pagsakay sa motor.

Nakauwi ako ng maayos pero kahit hanggang sa panaginip ay tila minumulto ako ng taong 'yun.