Lost Devotion

15.

As I listen to her, a mixture of worry and vulnerability rushes through me.

She is right, not a word wrong.

From the day I started my career in Formula 1, I've always avoided winning in the Spanish race, I always compete at my best but give up the final push and let another driver win unintentionally. Some people have noticed my pattern and questioned my motives, but no one has ever confronted me so directly.

I take a deep breath, calming my nerves and trying to find the right words to explain myself to her.

"Sometimes, the fears from the past don't let the fear of failure surface, I start, my voice wavering slightly, "Winning doesn't feel like winning when it's in a place where you lost a lot."

I look down at her, watching the realization of my words start to flush across her face, but I don't let go deeper as I divert our conversation, "Plus, I'm more interested in winning in another race."

Our feet hit the pavement of the cemetery's exit, I turn around to face her, disappointment lingering at me at the realization that our time together is coming to an end.

"Oh yeah?" she faces me, raising an eyebrow with curiosity, "Which race is that?"

"La de tu corazón."

"I'm starting to get offended by you all using foreign languages around me," she finishes with an eye roll, making a slight chuckle leak out of my lips.

We stand there, in the soft glow of the early morning sun, enjoying the bittersweet of the silence hanging between us. Silence envelops us, but not our eyes as they radiate with secret messages, unspoken words passing between us. Her hair leaves the back of her ear, and I fight the urge to tuck it back.

"You should go," she starts, "You have so many things to do before the lights are out."

I hate that she had to say so and that she is right. A lot of shit is waiting for me back at the race track, from meetings with fans to final preparations for the upcoming race. I wished we could enjoy our moment a bit longer, far from the worries of the outside world, just me and her, in our own world. But reality calls, and duty beckons.

With a heavy heart, I nod in agreement. She nods back before starting to walk away toward the horizon. I wished I could run right now and kidnap her, whisking her away to a paradise where there are no worries or constraints.

But I'm sure she will hit me on the head once I'll try to pick her up.

"And Rafe," she suddenly turns around, catching my attention. She pauses, a lovely smile curling up on her lips, "Sometimes, one win is all it takes to erase all the losses that came before."

Her words resonate deeply within me, making a ghost of a smile dance across my figure as I whisper to myself. "Sí, ganándote, mi sol."

______________________

"Ladies and gentlemen, please stand for the national anthem of Spain."

Standing ahead of the whole grid, I watch as the whole audience comes together in unity, showing their respect and support for our nation and the incredible sport of Formula 1.

The rhymes of the Spanish anthem fill the air, the words repeated in a high tone by the fans who are proudly holding their flags and wearing their red colors.

I look out at the crowd, their excitement for the race is palpable. They never gave up on believing in me and the team, though I've never been able to serve them a win in my previous races here in Spain. Their support and unwavering belief are evident as they shout out the theme with pride and passion.